Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But, many , many, many men do suck - in all corners of women’s lives - male colleagues, bosses, peers, relatives members of the public. It deeply affects the quality and trajectory of our lives. If you can’t recognize that and instead feel threatened by it, think your wife should just keep quiet about it, or if you feel obligated to stick up for sucky men just because they are your male brethren, then, TBH, there is something wrong with you and you should do some serious self-reflection.

And if you’re about to respond - but I don’t suck and I’m a man so why should I tolerate being lumped in with all the men? Well, that means you do not even begin to recognize the immense male privilege you have benefitted from every second of your life since you were born.

So f g sick of this victimized women crap. You’re making us have no empathy any longer. Signed a WOMAN.

A lot of us are sick of women literally being victimized and then being told it’s wrong to say “I was victimized.” So we’re even.


-NP

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Why do you find it off-putting? Is it because it’s a downer? Because it’s constant? Because you are in the group that is pissing her off? All three?

If it’s because it’s a downer and/or constant, and you have already tried finding common ground and changing the subject, I’d just tell her you love her but you don’t have it in you to keep talking about it and encourage her to find people to vent to, like a friend, online group, or therapist.

If it’s because you’re a man and feeling defensive on behalf of yourself or other men, examine that feeling. Defensiveness usually comes from somewhere. And perhaps try to really, really see where she is coming from. A lot of men agree intellectually with this stuff but don’t actually get it. I find that when men really do get it, they feel less defensiveness and more compassion for their partner. And a little anger on their behalf.

This is dumb. "Examine that feeling"? He feels...annoyed. And why wouldn't he? Nobody would want to hear someone go on and on and on about how much their gender sucks. Get outta here. "I find that when men really do get it"?? What man is agreeing with you saying men suck all of the time? My guess is none. - A woman.

I said examine the defensiveness, not the aspect of repeated complaints. The reason negative feelings surrounding repeated complaints doesn’t really need to be examined because constant complaining brings people down. So the solution is just to kindly let the one complaining that they can’t listen anymore and when the complainer needs to vent they have to find another listening ear.

Defensiveness is trickier. Often when men bristle when women complain about men, it’s because deep down inside it makes them wonder “am I at fault here?” Your ego usually doesn’t want to ask itself that question so instead you react with defensiveness and blame the person triggering the defensiveness. But many men do learn to respond to complaints about sexism with some humility. They might decide that they aren’t doing anything wrong, but they gain some understanding about the anger. Or they might decide they want to do better.

This is hard but practicing empathy and letting go of ego is great for your marriage.

Anonymous wrote:But, many , many, many men do suck - in all corners of women’s lives - male colleagues, bosses, peers, relatives members of the public. It deeply affects the quality and trajectory of our lives. If you can’t recognize that and instead feel threatened by it, think your wife should just keep quiet about it, or if you feel obligated to stick up for sucky men just because they are your male brethren, then, TBH, there is something wrong with you and you should do some serious self-reflection.

And if you’re about to respond - but I don’t suck and I’m a man so why should I tolerate being lumped in with all the men? Well, that means you do not even begin to recognize the immense male privilege you have benefitted from every second of your life since you were born.

So f g sick of this victimized women crap. You’re making us have no empathy any longer. Signed a WOMAN.

Anonymous wrote:But, many , many, many men do suck - in all corners of women’s lives - male colleagues, bosses, peers, relatives members of the public. It deeply affects the quality and trajectory of our lives. If you can’t recognize that and instead feel threatened by it, think your wife should just keep quiet about it, or if you feel obligated to stick up for sucky men just because they are your male brethren, then, TBH, there is something wrong with you and you should do some serious self-reflection.

And if you’re about to respond - but I don’t suck and I’m a man so why should I tolerate being lumped in with all the men? Well, that means you do not even begin to recognize the immense male privilege you have benefitted from every second of your life since you were born.

"That negative stereotype is true, ackshually"

She must be an avid reader of DCUM Relationships, also known as the "all men suck" forum.

I mean, you could be equally upset or at least empathetic about Roe instead of being all "don't forget, this is women's fault too!" or "avoid yer wimmin tomorrow!"

Anonymous wrote:Oh op…
Just wait.
I hear Roe is literally being overturned tomorrow.
Avoid your DW for most of the day if possible.

I’ll be pissed right along with her on that one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Oh op…
Just wait.
I hear Roe is literally being overturned tomorrow.
Avoid your DW for most of the day if possible.

I just threw up in my mouth. 😒

And let's not forget that there are many, many women behind this.

Anonymous wrote:Oh op…
Just wait.
I hear Roe is literally being overturned tomorrow.
Avoid your DW for most of the day if possible.

I just threw up in my mouth. 😒

Ask her for more details.

If she has none, then she is making a weak nonsense statement. If she does, they listen and respond to it.

Anonymous wrote:Why do you find it off-putting? Is it because it’s a downer? Because it’s constant? Because you are in the group that is pissing her off? All three?

If it’s because it’s a downer and/or constant, and you have already tried finding common ground and changing the subject, I’d just tell her you love her but you don’t have it in you to keep talking about it and encourage her to find people to vent to, like a friend, online group, or therapist.

If it’s because you’re a man and feeling defensive on behalf of yourself or other men, examine that feeling. Defensiveness usually comes from somewhere. And perhaps try to really, really see where she is coming from. A lot of men agree intellectually with this stuff but don’t actually get it. I find that when men really do get it, they feel less defensiveness and more compassion for their partner. And a little anger on their behalf.

This is dumb. "Examine that feeling"? He feels...annoyed. And why wouldn't he? Nobody would want to hear someone go on and on and on about how much their gender sucks. Get outta here. "I find that when men really do get it"?? What man is agreeing with you saying men suck all of the time? My guess is none. - A woman.

Oh op…
Just wait.
I hear Roe is literally being overturned tomorrow.
Avoid your DW for most of the day if possible.

This is one of the reasons why blanket statements based on race, gender, culture, etc. are so toxic to our society--and by extension, why social media is so toxic.

I don't know how the hearer, who is part of the maligned group, can really avoid feeling offended, even if the hearer is "one of the good ones" or otherwise agrees with the sentiment.

These kinds of blanket statement are really intellectually lazy. They are not going to create more understanding. They are not going to make a point or change anyone's mind or behavior. They are just venting (which is fine, on occasion), but far more likely to just entrench disagreement.

So, yeah, men have created tons of problems for women. But just ranting to your husband and male children about how men suck isn't going to change anything for the better, isn't going to make your husband want to be better, and isn't going to teach your sons how to be better. It is just lazy and angry and, frankly, trashy. I can see why OP doesn't like it.

Anonymous wrote:Guys, lesbianism has nothing to do with hating men. Most of the lesbian women I know actually like men far more than straight women do, probably because they haven’t had the same negative experiences with them.

Does your attraction to women mean you hate men? No? Cool, it’s the same idea. Being idiots about sexual orientation isn’t helping you with the “men suck” crowd.

Guy here, and totally agree with this. The funny thing, there is a whole strain of butch lesbianism that is basically toxic masculinity.

Guys, lesbianism has nothing to do with hating men. Most of the lesbian women I know actually like men far more than straight women do, probably because they haven’t had the same negative experiences with them.

Does your attraction to women mean you hate men? No? Cool, it’s the same idea. Being idiots about sexual orientation isn’t helping you with the “men suck” crowd.