Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.

Nice way to deflect that he almost drowned the kid. Johnny Depp, is that you?

DP. And I agree with PP (and hate JD for whatever that is worth). Two absentminded incidents for someone with children under 5 is not a reason to divorce, unless the husband is constantly doing stuff like this and not seeing it as a problem. Flying into a rage and threatening divorce is, IMO, something that should never be done. Ever, unless perhaps you have literally walked in on them cheating on you or something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.

Nice way to deflect that he almost drowned the kid. Johnny Depp, is that you?

It's never the man's fault, it's always the women's fault for making the man do this stuff.

Does you preschooler usually return home as quiet as a mouse? Any of the ones I know - well you know there are back in the house.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.

Nice way to deflect that he almost drowned the kid. Johnny Depp, is that you?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

So this was what, at least 3 years ago? 3/4 years ago? I would be upset about this incident as well, and it sounds like maybe your husband is a little scattered, but if you loved your husband, you would be thinking about ways to help him succeed, not how to divorce him.

I am a little like your husband, I can get distracted and my mind wanders. So I have a lot of habits in place to try to prevent situations where absentmindedness could be deadly. My husband knows that I'm always working on this, but I have some adult ADD and it is a weakness. When not done in malice he would never unleash on me the way you are talking about. This type of dynamic does not result in loving parents raising children, it results in militant mom taking over parenting and belittling dad. Which feels justified perhaps to you, but will not be good for your children in the long run. Get some ironclad systems/routines/rules in place to avoid things like this, and come to your marriage from a place of compassion instead of rage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.

NP you are delusional and I pity whoever has to coparent with you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you and your husband not normally communicate at all? Wouldn’t you have said goodbye when you left to go pick up the preschooler? And wouldn’t he when he left to go wherever? I don’t see how this happened at all. Your marriage is bizarre.

You are making ridiculous assumptions based on your own situation. This does not help OP at all and no, you don't know that her marriage is "bizarre."

Um what assumptions did I make exactly?

I'm with OP and I basically asked the same thing on p 1. What kind of parents don't check in with each other when the leave, especially with all those young children in the house? How often is OP locked away in her room by herself and the toddler? Lastly, love it when the OP comes back to defend herself pretending she's a new poster.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you and your husband not normally communicate at all? Wouldn’t you have said goodbye when you left to go pick up the preschooler? And wouldn’t he when he left to go wherever? I don’t see how this happened at all. Your marriage is bizarre.

You are making ridiculous assumptions based on your own situation. This does not help OP at all and no, you don't know that her marriage is "bizarre."

Um what assumptions did I make exactly?

That everyone else says "hello" and "goodbye" before leaving or returning to the house, just because you apparently do?

Wait are there really people here who don't talk to their spouses before leaving the house?!

OP - I would be pretty freaked out, since this seems like a pattern, albeit not one he engages in often. But one where the consequences could be really severe. What's going on with him that he keeps thinking you're there to take care of things, when you're not?

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

That doesn’t make sense.

And your propensity to catastrophize and go straight to “I’m leaving you” is a serious character flaw. Both of these are miscommunications and you bear some responsibility in them. But if it’s easier for you to fly into a rage and blast your husband, that isn’t fixing the problem — that’s fixing the blame. And it won’t actually fix anything.

I would be so livid as well OP‼️😡

The fact that you are usually picking up your daughter at that time may signify that he was just using thinking you were home sounds like such a blatant lie.

Some may see it as a “one off,” but there are some mistakes that one cannot make.

Leaving two 2 yr. olds on their own home alone even if done once could of had catastrophic consequences.
Perhaps they could have gotten out of the house and hit by a car.
Or drowned.

Or set the house on fire.

There are a million things that could have occurred.

Unless there is a pattern of neglect of course not divorce worthy. Your anger is really out of hand. When I see posts like this I think about the hot car threads. You have people seething with anger at the idea that someone could make a mistake, positive it could never be them. Personally I live my life knowing I'm human, knowing I'll make mistakes, and trying my absolute hardest and hoping my absolute hardest that my worst moment of absentmindedness doesn't result in something tragic happening.

If your husband is apologetic and this has never happened before, then your rage is misplaced. I would however agree on the air traffic controller approach described above for leaving the house. My husband and I never leave kids alone in the house without confirming with the other parent. It is common courtesy. But if something like this happened, I would assume it was a momentary lapse and that he was beating himself up about it worse than anything I could say, and we'd just try to get a system in place to prevent it happening again.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

16:28 here. I didn’t see this. I said I’d reduce my H to a sobbing mess… if I also knew my H almost drowned our child, I would literally make him fear for his life. I’d demand to know exactly what is going through his head when he does these things. And also see an attorney about what you can do to protect your children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you and your husband not normally communicate at all? Wouldn’t you have said goodbye when you left to go pick up the preschooler? And wouldn’t he when he left to go wherever? I don’t see how this happened at all. Your marriage is bizarre.

You are making ridiculous assumptions based on your own situation. This does not help OP at all and no, you don't know that her marriage is "bizarre."

Um what assumptions did I make exactly?

That everyone else says "hello" and "goodbye" before leaving or returning to the house, just because you apparently do?

Holy crap, are you for real? Greeting your partner and saying goodbye when you leave the house (unless they are very occupied, like in a work meeting) is baseline respect in a healthy relationship.

Please tell me this is not a popular opinion. If it is I think I understand why everyone on DCUM has marriage problems.

Anonymous wrote:OP here. this is not the first time. When eldest was six months old he left the then infant alone in the baby bathtub because I had just been in the bathroom and he thought I was paying attention to what he was doing. I wasn't. I walked in to find baby fully submerged. Grabbed her and spent the next 24 hours watching her every move to make sure she was okay. She was fine but I almost left him then.

So why'd you have two more with the guy? Your communication is terrible

Anonymous wrote:This is a reason to stay married. Most divorces are 50/50 custody. I would not feel comfortable leaving my kids alone with him. Stay married.

It might have been a one-time mistake.

I solved this problem by not ever letting him be alone with my kids until much older. He was not capable.

Good point. Ugh.