OP when you're sick---stay your ass in bed and stop thinking you have to do everything.

I get it op. We had some entero virus a month ago. Dh and i were puking our brains out and had diarrhea. The kids were barely sick and we still had to entertain them. I feel like the 6 month old didn’t get sick at all. Dh and I were dying.

We had twins. And after 3.5 months, they went to daycare...and they brought home everything from daycare. And once they brought it home, we caught it. The four of us spent much of the first year of daycare sick.

Our policy if you were sick, that you got to sleep in, but when you woke, you took at least a four hour shift to relieve the other parent. If you then had to take a nap, then you did so, but then you got up and took another shift to watch the babies. But then, part of our marriage is that we both have the attitude that we try to do as much as possible to cover for the other one, even when sick.

My H has what we call a "delicate system." He happens to be susceptible to digestive issues. These issues have cropped up right before big events, before getting on a long plane ride, while in other countries, and dozens more times in the decades we've been together. And yes he did get sick many times after we had a child. I know he doesn't do it on purpose and I don't get angry or resentful. He steps up when I get sick and I step up when he gets sick. If that's not what's happening then maybe discuss it during a time when neither person is sick and come up with a balanced plan for the future.

Anonymous wrote:My DH used to do this and I resented it because it was his fault. He was always the one getting the most sick because he stayed up late watching TV, ate unhealthy food truck lunches every day, rarely ate fruit or vegetables, and was always dehydrated. No wonder he kept getting sick!

If your DH takes good care of himself and still gets sick, that’s one thing, but if he’s careless with his health and it’s impacting the rest of the family: that’s not fair and you should be annoyed.

How does staying up late and watching TV make you you sick? He was doing all these things before you married him, didn't he? All women who want a baby should have one of those fake babies they give to high school students to take care of so they find out that babies are a lot of inconvenience and hard work. All of you can't wait to get pregnant and then you complain for 9 months that your DH, office, et al, aren't genuflecting in front of your pregnant belly and when kid gets here, you want everyone you know to worship you as Mother Earth! The rest of us try to remember "This too shall pass," so we don't erase you from our lives. Stop whining as it is even more unattractive than chewing gum!

You work part time OP, and aren't getting as sick. It's a no brainer for you to take care of the kid more.

If you quit your part time job for a while, maybe your dh's immune system could recover and he could share baby raising on the weekends OP. I'm not sure a few hours of hobby job are worth it at this point.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. It’s a cold no barfing or stomach issues but a pretty bad cough too. If it were me sick, I would suck it up unless I was puking or had diarrhea, I’ve had colds and coughs which I caught from baby during the week in nov/Dec and soldiered on. I guess I am resentful bc I am already fully in charge of baby Monday - Friday. We use part time care for 3 hours a day while I work (part time) in the morning, and then I am with the baby all the rest of the day until bed time. DH doesn’t get home till past bedtime bc of commute and hours. So Saturday and Sunday (esp on a long weekend like this) is the only time we share in childcare responsibilities.

He works and brings home the lion's share of the HHI. You have a hobby job which probably doesn't even pay for the babysitter.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You’re pathetic, OP.

Some of you really need to take a hard look about why you’re being so cruel to a mom with a baby. OP is tired. She feels overwhelmed. Raise your hand if you’ve been there as a mom of a baby—tired and overwhelmed. Oh, look at that. Every hand raised.

OP, this is tough. But your husband isn’t faking, so he’s not doing anything wrong. Best you can do is make things easier on yourself by ordering in food and resting as much as you can. Make a deal that some of the laundry and stuff can wait until DH is better, and that when he is recovered he can pitch in to make up for things that fell by the wayside when he was sick.

Babies should not have babies! I hate whining from anyone.

Anonymous wrote:Every time the baby gets sick from daycare, DH catches the bug too and he gets even more sick than the baby- his immune system seems to be terrible. This is the second time in two months he’s been sick and I am going to be the sole carer of a sick child all weekend. I was very sympathetic the first time he got sick but now I’m just annoyed that he is going to get to sleep in till 9 or 10 while I do everything this weekend. Maybe this makes me heartless but I almost rather be sick and get to rest, and he be well. Any tips on what to do? He seems really sick so telling him to buck up doesn’t seem like the solution. But I’m very resentful

Being resentful only makes it worse. I don't understand why you are so angry unless you believe that he gets sick on purpose and I doubt that he does. If his immune system is so fragile then maybe he needs a complete physical to find out why.

This happens. It's OK to be annoyed, but will be a major issue if you are "keeping score". Talk to your husband and tell him that you're annoyed, and see what you can work out. It actually sounds like most of why you're annoyed is because of his normal week day schedule. Maybe he can't help when he gets sick, but he could help shift daily responsibilities to help you be less burnt out when he's not sick.

Try to communicate and control the parts that you can. Also, maybe he doesn't realize that you're annoyed, and maybe he could do a bit more parenting if you request it. Or maybe he could do other things - is he well enough to run some laundry and change the sheets? Wipe down the kitchen or bathroom? Run some errands that you need done? Fill up the cars with gas? What can he do? If he is truly too sick to do anything, then sorry, and it will pass. But if he's well enough to do some things, figure out what that is, and work together.

I was always sick with whatever my babies had from daycare. I was miserable. I would have to care for myself and my baby because dad's while capable aren't always as nurturing as mom. Cut your husband ss slack. All of your immune systems are getting stronger.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP everyone is being mean, but I get how frustrating that can be.

No all the posters here were not mean. It’s not mean to point out that being resentful of a truly sick spouse crosses a line. It doesn’t mean we aren’t sympathetic to how grinding and exhausting caring for a baby is.

The difference is that when moms are run down with a cold, they don't usually get to sleep until 10 AM and expect dad to take care of childcare solo all weekends. We're not talking "incapacitated," we're talking "tired." Guess who else is tired, all the time? Mothers of infants.

As mothers, why don’t you expect more from your husbands?

Mine took care of the kids if I was sick and that was 20 years ago. He's not super evolved, just loves me I guess. Its not a big ask but you may need to ask.

Anonymous wrote:My DH used to do this and I resented it because it was his fault. He was always the one getting the most sick because he stayed up late watching TV, ate unhealthy food truck lunches every day, rarely ate fruit or vegetables, and was always dehydrated. No wonder he kept getting sick!

If your DH takes good care of himself and still gets sick, that’s one thing, but if he’s careless with his health and it’s impacting the rest of the family: that’s not fair and you should be annoyed.

Same... oh, you went to the indoor play place and didn't wash your hands after, touched your face nonstop, and then got sick? Shocking. My DH is wonderful overall but refusing to take basic precautions and then moaning for days on end about a cold is really irritating to say the least. Especially when I get virtually no help unless I'm actively vomiting. OP, I hope you get a reprieve after this. I'd go get a massage or something next weekend if I were you.

My DH used to do this and I resented it because it was his fault. He was always the one getting the most sick because he stayed up late watching TV, ate unhealthy food truck lunches every day, rarely ate fruit or vegetables, and was always dehydrated. No wonder he kept getting sick!

If your DH takes good care of himself and still gets sick, that’s one thing, but if he’s careless with his health and it’s impacting the rest of the family: that’s not fair and you should be annoyed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP everyone is being mean, but I get how frustrating that can be.

No all the posters here were not mean. It’s not mean to point out that being resentful of a truly sick spouse crosses a line. It doesn’t mean we aren’t sympathetic to how grinding and exhausting caring for a baby is.

The difference is that when moms are run down with a cold, they don't usually get to sleep until 10 AM and expect dad to take care of childcare solo all weekends. We're not talking "incapacitated," we're talking "tired." Guess who else is tired, all the time? Mothers of infants.

As mothers, why don’t you expect more from your husbands?