Anonymous wrote:I think week on week off plans are a problem. I think kids need the stability of one home, and to feel part of the day to day most of the time.

I think 50/50 splits might be great for some parents (a week off to do what they need/socialize/date whatever, regular contact with the kid) but what is the benefit to any kid? I just think it's a lot to put on kids, that they will spend their childhood moving every week and never really belong anywhere.

But these are just my thoughts that may be totally off base so am wondering others thoughts and experiences. My kids are solely with me, I'm not wondering for legal purposes, just wondering.

I didn't read any other responses after your post OP, because I wanted to give our family's experience without being annoyed/upset/angered/judged by other responses (because people tend to respond to posts about this subject with "THIS IS WHAT IS BEST AND ONLY THIS").

In our case, DS wanted/still continues to want 50/50 every other week with myself and ex-DH. That could change at any time and if it does, we would all sit down and talk about it.

Would I want DS with me 100% of the time? YES. I didn't choose 50/50 because I wanted every other week to "date or have fun". We chose what was best for our child which is to spend quality time with both parents and that was lead by open discussions with DS.

Ex-DH moved out and lives 10min away. I drop off at school every day no matter who's house DS is at, ex-DH picks up everyday no matter who's house DS is at. So the only days DS doesnt see either one of us in during the other parents' weekend. The only thing he brings back and forth to each house is his school backpack/school laptop which he has to bring to and from school daily anyway. He has his own set of school uniforms and clothes, toiletries, video game set ups etc. at each house and there is no need to feel like a nomad.

It's all about what works for each family. There is no "right" answer or arrangement.

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Anonymous wrote:We did not do that. I moved with the kids 45 minutes away. I could not have afforded a big house in the suburbs near my ex. Even with where I moved he was giving me money for two years, on top of child support. We always knew we would do the 80's model of Weekend Dad every other weekend. On the weekends he was not getting the kids he had them on Wednesdays from 3 (or whenever school let out) to 8pm (9pm when they were older and could stay up later).

I'd never even heard of the 50/50 thing until years later, and then once I did, asked the kids if they'd be interested in trying that, maybe over the summer to start. Both individually emphatically didn't want it. The closest we've ever gotten is when they have two weeks off school, doing one week with me and one week with him.

They probably said no to make you happy.

Lol, highly doubt it - they know they are free to say whatever they want and have proven that.

St kids tell their parents what they want to hear. If you make comments verbally or nonverbally kids see and hear that and naturally want to plase. It’s sad you stopped their relationship with the other parent.

That's for little kids. Not older kids. And they have a great relationship with their dad. Weird to assume a kid can only have a relationship with someone if they live with them 50% of the time. So they have zero relationship with their teachers, coaches, friends, aunts, uncles, neighbors, etc., because they don't live with those people?

A parent isn't comparable to all those people named. If your kids only have limited visitation they may spend more time with those folks than their parent. Its a very superficial relationship to only see your Dad a few times a month for dinner, etc. and not spend time actually living with them. You can pretend otherwise, but you are hurting your kids for your selfish needs.

Guess you missed where I said they live with their father every other weekend. Never mind the holidays and summers, etc. And yeah, I'll go ahead and be selfish by removing myself from an abusive environment, without feeling guilty about that for even a second.

Every other weekend is a visit, that is not living with him. This isn't about you, this is about the kids.

Look, you obviously have your agenda, that nothing less than 50/50 is satisfactory to you. Get over it. Sorry that you can't conceive of the idea that different routines work for different families. You write as if you think your posts will inspire me to change our entire family structure. Not gonna happen. Live with it.

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Anonymous wrote:We did not do that. I moved with the kids 45 minutes away. I could not have afforded a big house in the suburbs near my ex. Even with where I moved he was giving me money for two years, on top of child support. We always knew we would do the 80's model of Weekend Dad every other weekend. On the weekends he was not getting the kids he had them on Wednesdays from 3 (or whenever school let out) to 8pm (9pm when they were older and could stay up later).

I'd never even heard of the 50/50 thing until years later, and then once I did, asked the kids if they'd be interested in trying that, maybe over the summer to start. Both individually emphatically didn't want it. The closest we've ever gotten is when they have two weeks off school, doing one week with me and one week with him.

They probably said no to make you happy.

Lol, highly doubt it - they know they are free to say whatever they want and have proven that.

St kids tell their parents what they want to hear. If you make comments verbally or nonverbally kids see and hear that and naturally want to plase. It’s sad you stopped their relationship with the other parent.

That's for little kids. Not older kids. And they have a great relationship with their dad. Weird to assume a kid can only have a relationship with someone if they live with them 50% of the time. So they have zero relationship with their teachers, coaches, friends, aunts, uncles, neighbors, etc., because they don't live with those people?

A parent isn't comparable to all those people named. If your kids only have limited visitation they may spend more time with those folks than their parent. Its a very superficial relationship to only see your Dad a few times a month for dinner, etc. and not spend time actually living with them. You can pretend otherwise, but you are hurting your kids for your selfish needs.

Guess you missed where I said they live with their father every other weekend. Never mind the holidays and summers, etc. And yeah, I'll go ahead and be selfish by removing myself from an abusive environment, without feeling guilty about that for even a second.

Every other weekend is a visit, that is not living with him. This isn't about you, this is about the kids.

Anonymous wrote:Kids feelings - it depends on so many things!

I’m separated doing 50/50. Kid seems to be doing well. Ex and l are both in such a better mood and more capable parents now that we’re out of the crazy stressful situation of living with someone we don’t get along with. We’re adults, we have to decide what is best for us and the kids and make the best of a tough situation.

Recently divorced and same here. Doing 2-2-5-5 which is working really well. With activities and work schedules we both see dc at some point most days anyhow.

It helps that we are relatively low conflict, and live close by. Dc stayed in same school/activities. Ex is actually a decent father (I've always said so, we just weren't good married people) and neither of us are in new relationships at this time.

I think my dc are too young for week on week off but I have known families where this worked great for their teens.

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Anonymous wrote:We did not do that. I moved with the kids 45 minutes away. I could not have afforded a big house in the suburbs near my ex. Even with where I moved he was giving me money for two years, on top of child support. We always knew we would do the 80's model of Weekend Dad every other weekend. On the weekends he was not getting the kids he had them on Wednesdays from 3 (or whenever school let out) to 8pm (9pm when they were older and could stay up later).

I'd never even heard of the 50/50 thing until years later, and then once I did, asked the kids if they'd be interested in trying that, maybe over the summer to start. Both individually emphatically didn't want it. The closest we've ever gotten is when they have two weeks off school, doing one week with me and one week with him.

They probably said no to make you happy.

Lol, highly doubt it - they know they are free to say whatever they want and have proven that.

St kids tell their parents what they want to hear. If you make comments verbally or nonverbally kids see and hear that and naturally want to plase. It’s sad you stopped their relationship with the other parent.

That's for little kids. Not older kids. And they have a great relationship with their dad. Weird to assume a kid can only have a relationship with someone if they live with them 50% of the time. So they have zero relationship with their teachers, coaches, friends, aunts, uncles, neighbors, etc., because they don't live with those people?

A parent isn't comparable to all those people named. If your kids only have limited visitation they may spend more time with those folks than their parent. Its a very superficial relationship to only see your Dad a few times a month for dinner, etc. and not spend time actually living with them. You can pretend otherwise, but you are hurting your kids for your selfish needs.

Guess you missed where I said they live with their father every other weekend. Never mind the holidays and summers, etc. And yeah, I'll go ahead and be selfish by removing myself from an abusive environment, without feeling guilty about that for even a second.

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Anonymous wrote:It is amazing for my kid. She has a full relationship with me and a full relationship with her father. Moreover, as we don’t have her all the time, we each try hard to make the time with her quality. It sound like you procreated with someone unworthy, I did not, and I’m so happy my daughter has both of these wonderful homes.

NP. Yeah, you and your ex are so "worthy" that you couldn't even be bothered to stay together. Way better for your kid to have to pack and schlep, pack and schlep, every week for the rest of her childhood so you can focus on making yourself happy and fulfilled, amirite? You are SUCH a FANTASTIC mommy, everyone should stand up and applaud you for being soooo awesome, unlike all these other stupid women.

Jesus. And FTR, this isn't an anti-divorce post, it's an anti-judgy-mommy post...because I don't think you'll get that unless it's spelled out for you, sweetie.

Whatever the hell is your character defect? You sound broken.

Hit a nerve?

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Anonymous wrote:It is amazing for my kid. She has a full relationship with me and a full relationship with her father. Moreover, as we don’t have her all the time, we each try hard to make the time with her quality. It sound like you procreated with someone unworthy, I did not, and I’m so happy my daughter has both of these wonderful homes.

NP. Yeah, you and your ex are so "worthy" that you couldn't even be bothered to stay together. Way better for your kid to have to pack and schlep, pack and schlep, every week for the rest of her childhood so you can focus on making yourself happy and fulfilled, amirite? You are SUCH a FANTASTIC mommy, everyone should stand up and applaud you for being soooo awesome, unlike all these other stupid women.

Jesus. And FTR, this isn't an anti-divorce post, it's an anti-judgy-mommy post...because I don't think you'll get that unless it's spelled out for you, sweetie.

Get Lost!! Hope you never have to get divorced. What an asshole to write this post. You must need to get a hobby!

I think the NP poster made her point quite well. Not an asshole at all. Just pointing out the sanctimommy in the wild.

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Anonymous wrote:We did not do that. I moved with the kids 45 minutes away. I could not have afforded a big house in the suburbs near my ex. Even with where I moved he was giving me money for two years, on top of child support. We always knew we would do the 80's model of Weekend Dad every other weekend. On the weekends he was not getting the kids he had them on Wednesdays from 3 (or whenever school let out) to 8pm (9pm when they were older and could stay up later).

I'd never even heard of the 50/50 thing until years later, and then once I did, asked the kids if they'd be interested in trying that, maybe over the summer to start. Both individually emphatically didn't want it. The closest we've ever gotten is when they have two weeks off school, doing one week with me and one week with him.

They probably said no to make you happy.

Lol, highly doubt it - they know they are free to say whatever they want and have proven that.

St kids tell their parents what they want to hear. If you make comments verbally or nonverbally kids see and hear that and naturally want to plase. It’s sad you stopped their relationship with the other parent.

That's for little kids. Not older kids. And they have a great relationship with their dad. Weird to assume a kid can only have a relationship with someone if they live with them 50% of the time. So they have zero relationship with their teachers, coaches, friends, aunts, uncles, neighbors, etc., because they don't live with those people?

A parent isn't comparable to all those people named. If your kids only have limited visitation they may spend more time with those folks than their parent. Its a very superficial relationship to only see your Dad a few times a month for dinner, etc. and not spend time actually living with them. You can pretend otherwise, but you are hurting your kids for your selfish needs.