Another vote for the entire family attends the only event for the middle child’s activity. Note the cautionary tale of the middle child upthread. Be the family that shows up for each other.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m our family, both parents attend games and performances when are all possible. So yes, we would all go because neither adult would want to miss.

People having more than 2 kids don’t think about this enough.

For both parents to attend everything, you can only have one kid. Any time there is more than one kid, there is a chance that each will have an event scheduled at the same time.

False. You just have to prioritize appropriately and your kids may sometimes skip one of their activities to attend an important function for a sibling. In this case yearly concert > sports practice. Now if two kids had recitals/concerts/playoff games at the same time that were of equal weight, then I concede that you might have to split up to handle it. But in this case I think it sends the wrong message for the older sibling to skip the concert.

Anonymous wrote:Make them attend? Absolutely not, you can’t make anyone do anything. You tell your family about all events and if they want to show up great, if not don’t sweat it.

I am really curious how that works with a preschooler.

I made my preschooler go all sorts of places. Otherwise we wouldn't have groceries, his brother would still be stuck at school unpicked up, and he never would have seen the pediatrician.

Everyone goes to the end of the year concert. Take your preschooler. People clearly have low expectations of their kids. The can sit for 2 hours and listen to music. If they can't, there is no time like the present to start.

Caveat: my kids aren't in high school yet. My oldest is missing his own (travel, mid-week) game to play in the end of year band concert for middle school.

If both kids will attend the sport kids games, then both kids should attend the middle kids end of year concert.

I was a kid (an oldest!) who's parents never showed up to things. Because they were working, my siblings didn't fare any better there. And I would have told you it didn't matter. But now as an adult, I see how very little my interests really mattered, and moreso, I see how my little kids, too young to grown that jaded 'whatever it doesn't matter' veneer yet react to when I show up to the prek and kinder stuff. It didn't matter to me because by the time I would have been able to articulate it, I had been disappointed too many times to try. Have them show up.

Anonymous wrote:If you really think it will be meaningful to wrangle your preschooler at a sibling’s band concert, have at it.

We did this at preschool age and I do think it was good exposure to music. In our case it was orchestra not band, but youngest was too young to go to an actual symphony. We talked about the various instruments and it helped get the child excited to pick an instrument for when he was old enough to start. He enjoyed the concerts even at that age. I think ours was less than an hour and I brought twizzlers and M&Ms which of course made it more fun for him. Youngest is now late elementary - way more grumbling than preschool age (but he has to attend annually to support sibling anyway).

Anonymous wrote:Make them attend? Absolutely not, you can’t make anyone do anything. You tell your family about all events and if they want to show up great, if not don’t sweat it.

Extremely weird approach to parenting. Do you also take this approach to school? "Listen, Larlo, school's at 8. If you want to go, let me know and I'll give you a ride. If 3rd grade just doesn't appeal to you today, whatever. Up to you."

Part of parenting is setting values and expectations. I don't expect my kids to attend every single family event, but one of our values is to support each other, even sometimes when it's inconvenient. If one of my kids decided they just didn't want to go to any of their sibling's events because it was boring or something, I would absolutely make them go and we'd also be talking about what it means to support a loved one and why sometimes your personal preference is not the most important thing.

And I'm not even huge on family as obligation. But this is an area where I think you can help kids build up an investment in one another that will carry over to when they are adults. You have to encourage it going both directions, and also model what support/investment looks like with your own behavior.

Middle kid here. I'm not saying you should make them go to this specific concert, but you should make them go to his stuff. I went to tons of events to see my older and younger siblings perform or play when I was a kid, but as a middled child this was very much not reciprocated. By the time I was in activities, my older sister was deemed too old to be forced to attend. Sometimes she had school stuff or her own activities, but often she just didn't want to and was out with friends. And my younger brother was deemed too young, blah blah blah he'd find it boring. Yet this theory did not seem to apply when I spent much of elementary school going to my sister's basketball games and doing homework sitting on the bleachers.

When I was a kid, I would have told you I didn't care either way. But as an adult, when I look back on my childhood, it really does feel like I was kind of invisible and overlooked. I remember at holiday meal several years ago, one of my nieces was talking about going out for track and field and I was encouraging her and telling her how much I got out of doing it, and relating this story about how I wanted to be a sprinter but they made me do distance running and while I hated it initially, I discovered I actually loved it and still run. My siblings and my dad were extremely confused because they didn't even remember that I'd run track. I did it for 5 years! It's stuff like that which is disappointing and sad to me. I think my parents could have done a better job of making sure all their kids supported each other. I'm not close to my siblings and this is very much part of the reason why.

We don’t pull siblings from their own activities if there is a time conflict, but if a sibling is free, then yes - they will attend at least one major event per season (end of year dance recital, sports tournament, orchestra concert etc).

Anonymous wrote:Make them attend? Absolutely not, you can’t make anyone do anything. You tell your family about all events and if they want to show up great, if not don’t sweat it.

You think a pre-schooler is able to "show up" for events they want to show up for?

I wish OP would clarify how old the older sibling and what type of sport it is. If older sibling is in high school and a contender to get recruited to a D1 college, practice is much more important than if he is in middle school and it's just practice for the neighborhood swim team.

Mine has a concert coming up and I'm the only one going because the other 2 have sports and I'm not going to make my toddler sit through the entire 2 hour show. No thanks!

Anonymous wrote:I’m our family, both parents attend games and performances when are all possible. So yes, we would all go because neither adult would want to miss.

People having more than 2 kids don’t think about this enough.

For both parents to attend everything, you can only have one kid. Any time there is more than one kid, there is a chance that each will have an event scheduled at the same time.

Make them attend? Absolutely not, you can’t make anyone do anything. You tell your family about all events and if they want to show up great, if not don’t sweat it.

I played an instrument through college, and the oldest of three children.
My dad worked a job where he was often busy at night, so usually only my mom was available to transport us to activities/attend things.
To be honest, I'm not sure my Dad EVER attended one of my concerts--and it really did not bother me at all.

How old is the kid in band and how old is the kid doing the sport? Practices ARE important and I think it's wrong to tell the sport player that he has to skip practice--it could jeopardize his place on the team.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does Band Boy have a solo? If he's one in 50 kids, who cares?

What a crap attitude. Your poor kids.

+1

Your kid notices. He may pretend to not be bothered, but he is.

+1000

Your kid worked hard, practiced, was part of a 'team' aka 'the band' to make it to the performance. By taking the siblings, it shows that you support what he/she does and sends a message that it is important to support your family. That you care.