Anonymous
Post 05/22/2022 13:39     Subject: Re:Can you ever politely ask your in laws to stop buying the kids clothes?
How I, the mother, feels about what my kids wear matters. I personally hate novelty shirts with sayings on them. My mother seems to love them. I finally told her to please stop and feelings were hurt. I also hate cartoon shirts.

I wouldn’t let my mother or MIL take my kids to get haircuts or ears pierced either. Or wear political shirts. And my husband is a firm believer in only parents should buy their kids shoes and coats.

Our kids - our choice.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2022 13:33     Subject: Re:Can you ever politely ask your in laws to stop buying the kids clothes?
I was in your exact position with my MIL and own mother. I finally had to tell them that my DD had too many clothes and to please stop. It helped that DD wore a uniform to prek so her clothing needs were reduced.

I have given so many gifted clothing away with the tags still on them. There’s only so much pink a girl can wear.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2022 09:08     Subject: Re:Can you ever politely ask your in laws to stop buying the kids clothes?
Anonymous wrote:Theyre 2 and 3. They don't care what they're wearing.


Oh, I disagree. Color and characters, fine, but fit and function are everything.
Anonymous
Post 05/22/2022 09:03     Subject: Can you ever politely ask your in laws to stop buying the kids clothes?
Into the give a way box they would go in this house.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2022 18:43     Subject: Re:Can you ever politely ask your in laws to stop buying the kids clothes?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wait, let me get this straight: You’re tired of all the same clothes. You have a spouse that will actually tell his mother to stop. He’s one of these rare DCUM spouses that will actually step in and communicate directly to his mother. And your response is to back off, saying that her feelings will be hurt as if you’re more responsible for managing her feelings than her own son is.

So why in the world are you here? Do you just want to wallow in being a complainer? I know this sounds harsh, but what else could it be? Either take your spouse up on the offer or accept the clothes with zero complaints. You don’t get to dismiss a reasonable solution to your problem AND then keep complaining about the problem.


OP here. I do not want DH to hurt his mother’s feelings. Was that not clear? I want to handle it more gently. No one is wallowing. [/quote
“More gently.” What does that even mean? Are you asking people to come up with lies to tell her? Is she some fragile flower with emotional issues? I’m really confused by what you’re hoping to accomplish here.


She wants to say in a tactful way "if you are going to buy the girls clothing please make sure it looks high class".
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2022 18:40     Subject: Can you ever politely ask your in laws to stop buying the kids clothes?
My mom has two grandsons who live close and one granddaughter overseas and I'll give you one guess which grandchild she likes to shop for. She sent boxes of clothes (always cheap dresses) over until the mom said "it's the funniest thing but X has become very picky about her clothes! She likes to wear things like this (with examples)." That cut down on the bargain hunting.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2022 18:36     Subject: Re:Can you ever politely ask your in laws to stop buying the kids clothes?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wait, let me get this straight: You’re tired of all the same clothes. You have a spouse that will actually tell his mother to stop. He’s one of these rare DCUM spouses that will actually step in and communicate directly to his mother. And your response is to back off, saying that her feelings will be hurt as if you’re more responsible for managing her feelings than her own son is.

So why in the world are you here? Do you just want to wallow in being a complainer? I know this sounds harsh, but what else could it be? Either take your spouse up on the offer or accept the clothes with zero complaints. You don’t get to dismiss a reasonable solution to your problem AND then keep complaining about the problem.


OP here. I do not want DH to hurt his mother’s feelings. Was that not clear? I want to handle it more gently. No one is wallowing. [/quote
“More gently.” What does that even mean? Are you asking people to come up with lies to tell her? Is she some fragile flower with emotional issues? I’m really confused by what you’re hoping to accomplish here.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2022 18:25     Subject: Re:Can you ever politely ask your in laws to stop buying the kids clothes?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Wait, let me get this straight: You’re tired of all the same clothes. You have a spouse that will actually tell his mother to stop. He’s one of these rare DCUM spouses that will actually step in and communicate directly to his mother. And your response is to back off, saying that her feelings will be hurt as if you’re more responsible for managing her feelings than her own son is.

So why in the world are you here? Do you just want to wallow in being a complainer? I know this sounds harsh, but what else could it be? Either take your spouse up on the offer or accept the clothes with zero complaints. You don’t get to dismiss a reasonable solution to your problem AND then keep complaining about the problem.


OP here. I do not want DH to hurt his mother’s feelings. Was that not clear? I want to handle it more gently. No one is wallowing.


No you were very clear that you don’t want to hurt her feelings…which is problematic. First, you don’t trust your husband to be a caring person with his own mother. And second, that’s pretty controlling to think you’re responsible for managing someone else’s feelings. Your MIL will feel whatever she is going to feel. The idea that you have to to tiptoe around her is ridiculous. Trust your spouse to be clear and kind.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2022 18:05     Subject: Can you ever politely ask your in laws to stop buying the kids clothes?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I say be happy someone loves your kids and wants to spoil them with gifts. It’s not about the clothes but the thought and love. Be gracious and grateful, let girls wear few times then donate. If someone mentions sameness, pinkness or Disneyness, tell them these are priceless tokens of grandma’s love.


Well hello, Overbearing Grandma! Glad you stopped by.


+1. Love is not purchased. Unwanted clothing is not a token of love and much of that clothing is made by exploiting children in other countries. Truly gross to equate that with love. Exploiting foreign children to give stuff to your grandchildren that is unwanted is love? Maybe just be loving when you see them and respect parental boundaries. That is love.


Love is not purchased but giving is a love language.


Giving material things is not a love language. Do you understand children are exploited to make those things. It's disgusting to think you are sharing love as you take advantage of children in another part of the world. Gross, just gross!!
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2022 16:13     Subject: Can you ever politely ask your in laws to stop buying the kids clothes?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:


Ps it's not about the volume it is about the pink and Disney or you would not have mentioned it and it's about your inability to shutdown busybody parents


Wow. Nasty. Go away.


It's true. Op would not have mentioned those things if she didn't care. She's also a people bpleaser given she doesn't want DH to shut it down because it might upset MIL. She likely over values the busy body parents who make snide remarks about what her kids wear. She needs to toughen up



I don’t see grandma as a busy body! Is that what you meant? And I wouldn’t want my kids to wear just one color of clothing regardless of the color. I truly think OP doesn’t want to hurt her MILs feelings. Living far from her grandkids, the grandma is just trying to stay important to them.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2022 15:39     Subject: Can you ever politely ask your in laws to stop buying the kids clothes?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:


Ps it's not about the volume it is about the pink and Disney or you would not have mentioned it and it's about your inability to shutdown busybody parents


Wow. Nasty. Go away.


It's true. Op would not have mentioned those things if she didn't care. She's also a people bpleaser given she doesn't want DH to shut it down because it might upset MIL. She likely over values the busy body parents who make snide remarks about what her kids wear. She needs to toughen up


Would you want all of your kids clothes to be red? Or everything Star Wars or Paw Patrol?
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2022 15:38     Subject: Can you ever politely ask your in laws to stop buying the kids clothes?
Just accept them and donate what you don’t like. It’s not rocket science.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2022 15:38     Subject: Re:Can you ever politely ask your in laws to stop buying the kids clothes?
Anonymous wrote:Wait, let me get this straight: You’re tired of all the same clothes. You have a spouse that will actually tell his mother to stop. He’s one of these rare DCUM spouses that will actually step in and communicate directly to his mother. And your response is to back off, saying that her feelings will be hurt as if you’re more responsible for managing her feelings than her own son is.

So why in the world are you here? Do you just want to wallow in being a complainer? I know this sounds harsh, but what else could it be? Either take your spouse up on the offer or accept the clothes with zero complaints. You don’t get to dismiss a reasonable solution to your problem AND then keep complaining about the problem.


OP here. I do not want DH to hurt his mother’s feelings. Was that not clear? I want to handle it more gently. No one is wallowing.
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2022 15:34     Subject: Can you ever politely ask your in laws to stop buying the kids clothes?
Why can't you just tell her the girls have more than enough clothes and can't possibly wear them all limit her to one or two outfits a season or something. If she can't do that let DH tell her more firmly. You can also suggest more useable gifts
Anonymous
Post 05/21/2022 15:32     Subject: Can you ever politely ask your in laws to stop buying the kids clothes?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:


Ps it's not about the volume it is about the pink and Disney or you would not have mentioned it and it's about your inability to shutdown busybody parents


Wow. Nasty. Go away.


It's true. Op would not have mentioned those things if she didn't care. She's also a people bpleaser given she doesn't want DH to shut it down because it might upset MIL. She likely over values the busy body parents who make snide remarks about what her kids wear. She needs to toughen up