Anonymous wrote:… make me feel inadequate as a parent. I really try not to compare but it definitely feels like other parents are giving their young children more advantages than I have (practically and genetically).

Educated nannies, private schools, lessons… things we just can’t afford. Our daycare doesn’t even come close to three hours of outdoor time a day!

Anyone else? Is this a forever feeling or does it go away?

This is a weird attitude. There will always be someone better off than you. There will always be someone much worse off than you. Do the best with what you have.

Anonymous wrote:Very early on I had decided that I was the best mom for my kids, and they were the best kids for me.

You have to really work on their happiness, health, sense of security, sense of fairness and teach them kindness and empathy.

Rest everything is not a big deal.

What can parents give to their children? For me it is 3 things -
--Quality and quantity time
-- A functional, peaceful, loving household and family.

This is beautiful. Thank you

Anonymous wrote:… make me feel inadequate as a parent. I really try not to compare but it definitely feels like other parents are giving their young children more advantages than I have (practically and genetically).

Educated nannies, private schools, lessons… things we just can’t afford. Our daycare doesn’t even come close to three hours of outdoor time a day!

Anyone else? Is this a forever feeling or does it go away?

This is why we need equity.

Very early on I had decided that I was the best mom for my kids, and they were the best kids for me.

You have to really work on their happiness, health, sense of security, sense of fairness and teach them kindness and empathy.

Rest everything is not a big deal.

What can parents give to their children? For me it is 3 things -
--Quality and quantity time
-- A functional, peaceful, loving household and family.

Anonymous wrote:If it helps, I was the gifted kid in all the advanced programs, got straight As with almost no effort, 99th percentile on my SATs. My younger sister was a special needs kid, medicated constantly, would study her butt off and get only a B, dropped out of college because it was too hard.

Today, she’s a physician with a thriving practice and I’m an unmarried mom with 2 baby daddies and on food stamps. So, ya never really know how things are gonna turn out 🤷‍♀️

Lol. This is somewhat me but with a few differences

My unusually talented kid (violin) is a screen addict who watches fantasy metal work, costume and diorama craft videos. She might become a set designer or special effects person if she doesn’t become the concertmaster for the NY Phil.

My teen with special needs who also has a high IQ spends his free time learning online about WWII and all other recent wars. He’ll end up in strategic defense or something like that.

If they were wasting their time doing mindless stuff online, I’d have a problem. But they’re learning, so it’s all good.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot changes over the next several years. Some of the early readers will be “average” later. And some kids who didn’t really read until 1st are “gifted”.

Connect/play with your kids, read to them, and love them. That’s all they need when they are young.

Yes to the late readers being gifted but not true with early readers or early talkers turning out to be average. I’ve run data on this as a school administrator and read many studies on it.

Can you post some of these studies? I've always believed this to be true but there are folks on here who claim otherwise.

FWIW, I don’t see anything wrong with screens. It’s just another firm of media. What matters is the content they’re exposed to. There’s a lot of content that I wouldn’t want to expose a young child to. On the other hand, I think some shows were great and had positive effects (Cyberchase, Zoboomafu, Postcard’s from Buster, Liberty’s Kids, Ghostwriter, Magic School Bus, etc.). Most of the shows we watched were probably neutral. I won’t claim that The Brady Bunch or Gilligan’s Island were educational, but I don’t think they were deleterious either. Similarly, there were lots of computer games. I kept them away feom the ones I didn’t want them to play, but was thrilled they wanted to play one that practiced basic math facts. They both loved Scratch (a computer language developed by MIT to teach kids to program), and my youngest is now a computer science major.

While too much of anything can be bad, kids can spend a lot of time on screens and still have time for books, sports, music, friends, crafts, activities, outdoors, freeplay, etc. Let them use screens and don’t let the self-righteous DCUMers make you feel guilty about it. Sometimes it’s okay to relax and do something just because it’s fun. If it makes you feel better you can consider it research and analysis of social and cultural trends.

Anonymous wrote:Nannies. etc aren't going to make your child one of these things. Your child had to be intelligent and if they aren't, none of these things will happen anyway.

Not completely true. Engagement and language in the first five years does increase overall IQ. A bad babysitter-nanny won’t do crap but an engaged, one-on-one caregiver will.

Nannies. etc aren't going to make your child one of these things. Your child had to be intelligent and if they aren't, none of these things will happen anyway.

I’m interested to see how this shakes out with my kid, who I think has a smart brain that’s not very geared toward sitting through non-preferred activity. I’m unsure if anyone at school will ever get to see his gifts.

Very high EQ, makes friends easily, holds pretty sophisticated conversations with adults (I used to teach, so have a pretty big sample for comparison).

Early talker, knew hundreds of songs by 3, memorized every part of every truck (parts like “articulated boom” and “hydraulic arm”) and has a creative way of thinking, connecting, solving problems. He is a sponge for politics and war and geography and history, doing things like comparing & contrasting Nazis & Confederates at 4. Constantly making and creating things, modifying toys, can spend hours outside. Has a real science, math, & music brain.

Also spends hours a week watching pretty much whatever he wants on Netflix/YouTube, is not reading/writing at 6, did daycare from 6 months on, is in non-academic K, loves Minecraft and Roblox and Fortnite (we don’t do video games but he has books & figures and watches YouTube videos about them).

Physically was an early walker but not necessarily super athletic. Gets a lot of outdoor exercise, loves to swim, and half heartedly does Rec. sports.

Oldest DS will make you feel better. Didn’t read until 1st. Terrible student until middle school, clumsy and unathletic as a child. Played video games throughout middle and high - we did not restrict as long as grades were good. Ended up with a 4.7 GPA, AP scholar with distinction, National Merit Finalist, 3x state champion is his sport, National all American in his sport, currently at HYP.

My advice is don’t overthink it - if they are gifted it will come out, screens or no screens, early reader or not. Just be the parent you want to be and let them be the person they want to be.

Anonymous wrote:… make me feel inadequate as a parent. I really try not to compare but it definitely feels like other parents are giving their young children more advantages than I have (practically and genetically).

Educated nannies, private schools, lessons… things we just can’t afford. Our daycare doesn’t even come close to three hours of outdoor time a day!

Anyone else? Is this a forever feeling or does it go away?

My kids are none of the above, and I really don't care. We provide them experiences and enrichment, but nothing compared to what many people in this area do. DH and I agree that we just want our kids to be emotionally well adjusted and good people. Comparison is truly the thief of joy; this area is the definition of the rat race and it sounds like you are getting sucked in. It is only natural to want to provide your child with every advantage, but you need to understand your priorities as parent and family. Good luck.

it only takes patience and a library card to teach your child how to read, everything else you listed including daycare is overrated

Some kids are gifted in academics. Other kids' gifts lie elsewhere. Maybe your kid is in the top percentiles for friendliness, kindness, and compassion. The world needs all kinds of people with all kinds of skills.