Anonymous wrote:Let me preface this by saying I love this friend, and I don't want to ruin our friendship because I am very lonely. But she's continually making comments like "I am so glad I don't have kids" and "It must be so gross cleaning up a boy's toilet, I'm so glad I don't have to do that." I never even mentioned cleaning toilets! I never even complain about child-rearing, period. How do I respond to comments like these?

My childfree friend once said to me, "I didn't realize how hard it was having kids until I observed you (and dh) with your kids." I felt embarrassed and insulted, but she is my friend and I trust she meant no offense. Childfree adults have no idea what it feels like to have a child and no way can they understand how changing your own kid's diaper is not gross, it is standard care. The reward is the joy, love and smiles they bring into your life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Childfrees have a need for validation.

She is not child-free. She is child-less. An empty nester is child free.

Same thing. No kids around. Your point?

Not really. Words have meaning. Calling it CFBC actually points to the chip on their shoulders. It's a "sour grape" choice of words. Using "Free" instead of "Less" would be more neutral. I am not surprised that the friend makes snide remarks to OP.

I mean, "childless" indicates someone wants a child and is without. "Childfree" indicates that someone chose not to have children. You may think that's not a valid decision, but luckily no one cares what you think.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Childfrees have a need for validation.

She is not child-free. She is child-less. An empty nester is child free.

Same thing. No kids around. Your point?

Not really. Words have meaning. Calling it CFBC actually points to the chip on their shoulders. It's a "sour grape" choice of words. Using "Free" instead of "Less" would be more neutral. I am not surprised that the friend makes snide remarks to OP.

Anonymous wrote:I love my kids, but completely agree with her about the toilets.

+1

Distance, then drop. She sounds rude and inconsiderate.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Childfrees have a need for validation.

She is not child-free. She is child-less. An empty nester is child free.

Same thing. No kids around. Your point?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Childfrees have a need for validation.

She is not child-free. She is child-less. An empty nester is child free.

Childfree by Choice is their preferred term - as opposed to infertile or whatever.

She is then Child Less By Choice. CLBC. Children are not cooties or debt that you need to be free of. Of course, you could be a parent who deserts his/her children or does not acknowledge them or murders them -- by choice!

Also, the C for Choice very often stands for C for Circumstance. Else, the passive-aggressive snide remarks would not flow out so easily.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"You were once a child. Did you think your opinion on children was influenced by how your mom viewed parenthood?"

Curious why you just mention the mom.

Because that’s who gets stuck raising the kids 80% of the time

Anonymous wrote:"You were once a child. Did you think your opinion on children was influenced by how your mom viewed parenthood?"

Curious why you just mention the mom.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.

Its a funny thing. The childfree are generally polite and cognizant of limited parental resources and therefore don't bring up things that will antagonize a parent - especially one with a young child that needs a lot of commitment and focus in the early years. However I don't see that same sort of deference from parents who bring up everything about their child (positively) when they were never asked.

Commitment should go both ways.

OP here. I rarely bring up my child. Tap dance around doing it, actually, because I know the CFBC are very holier than thou about it, and who needs that? We generally talk politics and about our husbands.

You sound like an incredibly judgmental friend

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.

Its a funny thing. The childfree are generally polite and cognizant of limited parental resources and therefore don't bring up things that will antagonize a parent - especially one with a young child that needs a lot of commitment and focus in the early years. However I don't see that same sort of deference from parents who bring up everything about their child (positively) when they were never asked.

Commitment should go both ways.

OP here. I rarely bring up my child. Tap dance around doing it, actually, because I know the CFBC are very holier than thou about it, and who needs that? We generally talk politics and about our husbands.

Ah, I see the problem

I wouldn't be offended by this. You sound thin skinned. My friends are a mix of parents, no children ever and no children yet. The child-free ones regularly say "wow, so glad I don't have to deal with that!" in a lighthearted tone about poopy diapers, pandemic quarantines, whatever, and I don't mind! Of course they feel that way! I think it's actually meant as a glib form of kudos to the parent for dealing with something tough.

Anonymous wrote:You love and accept her just the way she is and go about your day, she is free to express her disgust with tasks that come with child rearing

+1 If OP wants to be the free speech police she should get a job with Biden’s ministry of truth.

I don't think it's that rude either for what's it's worth. She's glad she doesn't have to clean boys' toilets, so what? I'd rather clean boys' toilets than not have kids. I imagine you feel the same (and you should feel free to point that out if it makes you feel better). The differing opinions on this may speak to the mindset of OPs friend - possible she's just talking with no intention of making you feel anything by saying that she doesn't want to clean toilets?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm CFBC but I am surprised your friend would breathe a word about childrearing. You see, we childfree folks know better than to antagonize parents. Your friend is the exception and lacks EQ. Why not just tell her you find her comments rude? If she's a true friend, she'll apologize for hurting your feelings. If you were trying to get her to babysit, then yes, you will get rude comments from the childfree. Just be forewarned.

Its a funny thing. The childfree are generally polite and cognizant of limited parental resources and therefore don't bring up things that will antagonize a parent - especially one with a young child that needs a lot of commitment and focus in the early years. However I don't see that same sort of deference from parents who bring up everything about their child (positively) when they were never asked.

Commitment should go both ways.

OP here. I rarely bring up my child. Tap dance around doing it, actually, because I know the CFBC are very holier than thou about it, and who needs that? We generally talk politics and about our husbands.