Anonymous
04/30/2022 20:30
Subject: 13 month long maternity leave
Anonymous wrote:Consider finding a babysitter for when your husband goes back to work. The transition from very intellectual work (grad school) to staying at home with a baby can be a challenge and it will be nice to have a few hours a few days a week to yourself to recharge your batteries.
While I get this is hard for some people, I found that my baby slept so much during the day in those early months that it was really unnecessary to get a sitter. I guess every baby is different, and so is ever mom. But I had tons of time to do more intellectual stuff early on. Even when my baby was awake, I spent plenty of time just sitting near her and reading. I'd also listen to podcasts or talk to friends or family on the phone. Babies just want you nearby, they don't need to to sit there and interact with them the whole time. I'd check in with her periodically and read a book or do some snuggles or talking to each other, but I had so much time to just read and pursue other interests.
Now, being at home with a 1 or 2 yr old? Yes, absolutely, get yourself some help! It is hard spending the day talking to and working with a toddler. It absolutely will fry your brain.
Anonymous
04/30/2022 20:27
Subject: Re:13 month long maternity leave
Anonymous wrote:OP I had a similar break when my first was born and it is the BEST. If you have more kids it will never be like this again because you'll have an older child and that changes the dynamic. Spending a year with your first baby is a gift and I'm so happy for you.
Here are things I did that made this time extra wonderful:
- Echoing a PP, getting my baby used to being worn in a sling or carrier was great and made be extremely mobile for much of the year. Baby slept easily in the carrier and I could do things like go to to coffee shops and read, relax in the park, take long walks, visit museums, etc. Even as my baby got older, this was a nice way to do things together. We went to so many museums (I'm really into art) that as she outgrew the carrier this continued to be something we love doing together -- standing in front of a piece of art and talking about it together. I love that this is something we've done since she was an infant.
- When the weather is nice, spend as much time as possible outside. Make sure you have a great blanket for parks -- something spacious so your baby can roll and crawl around and you can stretch out. I'd bring toys and books and snacks and we could pass a pleasant couple hours this way. I read so many books this way.
- Start working toward a nap schedule once it starts to seem feasible. It sounds constraining but I found it helped give my days shape and made it easier for me to plan outings. I also cheated and allow the last nap of the day to be in a stroller or the carrier often so that I could do things out of the house. Eventually you have to give this up so your kid will take a solid afternoon nap, but I got away with it until 8 or 9mo old? Anyway, I really hit my stride once my kid was taking regular naps because it also gave me alone time at home to relax, get some cleaning done, eventually to start job hunting.
- I enjoyed regular story times and mommy and me classes. Pick one or two and go to the same ones every week -- you will meet other moms this way. When you can, go to stuff that is geared specifically at infants or at new moms. It's not that your baby won't enjoy stuff with older kids (they will love it, actually) it's that those classes/groups tend to be a lot of kids with nannies so you don't meet as many moms. Going to things geared toward babies who are not yet crawling will help you find other women on maternity leave (I met several other moms taking year long leaves this way).
- Take advantage of your flexibility to grab extra time with your DH. Meet him for lunch near his office with the baby, or find a restaurant with a patio and a good happy hour that is easy for him to get to post-work, and meet him right after he's done. This is a tradition we started every Wednesday early on, and it was a nice way to ensure our family spent a little time out and about together during the week. Otherwise it's easy to get stuck in a very home-centric routine, which can be isolating for you, specifically. Babies are pretty portable before they walk, so the more you can take advantage, the better. It get's harder with toddlers.
I'll add other ideas if I think of them. I wouldn't trade my long maternity leave for anything. I totally respect anyone who doesn't want to do it, but for me it was perfect. Enjoy!
Great post!!
Anonymous
04/30/2022 20:24
Subject: Re:13 month long maternity leave
OP I had a similar break when my first was born and it is the BEST. If you have more kids it will never be like this again because you'll have an older child and that changes the dynamic. Spending a year with your first baby is a gift and I'm so happy for you.
Here are things I did that made this time extra wonderful:
- Echoing a PP, getting my baby used to being worn in a sling or carrier was great and made be extremely mobile for much of the year. Baby slept easily in the carrier and I could do things like go to to coffee shops and read, relax in the park, take long walks, visit museums, etc. Even as my baby got older, this was a nice way to do things together. We went to so many museums (I'm really into art) that as she outgrew the carrier this continued to be something we love doing together -- standing in front of a piece of art and talking about it together. I love that this is something we've done since she was an infant.
- When the weather is nice, spend as much time as possible outside. Make sure you have a great blanket for parks -- something spacious so your baby can roll and crawl around and you can stretch out. I'd bring toys and books and snacks and we could pass a pleasant couple hours this way. I read so many books this way.
- Start working toward a nap schedule once it starts to seem feasible. It sounds constraining but I found it helped give my days shape and made it easier for me to plan outings. I also cheated and allow the last nap of the day to be in a stroller or the carrier often so that I could do things out of the house. Eventually you have to give this up so your kid will take a solid afternoon nap, but I got away with it until 8 or 9mo old? Anyway, I really hit my stride once my kid was taking regular naps because it also gave me alone time at home to relax, get some cleaning done, eventually to start job hunting.
- I enjoyed regular story times and mommy and me classes. Pick one or two and go to the same ones every week -- you will meet other moms this way. When you can, go to stuff that is geared specifically at infants or at new moms. It's not that your baby won't enjoy stuff with older kids (they will love it, actually) it's that those classes/groups tend to be a lot of kids with nannies so you don't meet as many moms. Going to things geared toward babies who are not yet crawling will help you find other women on maternity leave (I met several other moms taking year long leaves this way).
- Take advantage of your flexibility to grab extra time with your DH. Meet him for lunch near his office with the baby, or find a restaurant with a patio and a good happy hour that is easy for him to get to post-work, and meet him right after he's done. This is a tradition we started every Wednesday early on, and it was a nice way to ensure our family spent a little time out and about together during the week. Otherwise it's easy to get stuck in a very home-centric routine, which can be isolating for you, specifically. Babies are pretty portable before they walk, so the more you can take advantage, the better. It get's harder with toddlers.
I'll add other ideas if I think of them. I wouldn't trade my long maternity leave for anything. I totally respect anyone who doesn't want to do it, but for me it was perfect. Enjoy!
Here are things I did that made this time extra wonderful:
- Echoing a PP, getting my baby used to being worn in a sling or carrier was great and made be extremely mobile for much of the year. Baby slept easily in the carrier and I could do things like go to to coffee shops and read, relax in the park, take long walks, visit museums, etc. Even as my baby got older, this was a nice way to do things together. We went to so many museums (I'm really into art) that as she outgrew the carrier this continued to be something we love doing together -- standing in front of a piece of art and talking about it together. I love that this is something we've done since she was an infant.
- When the weather is nice, spend as much time as possible outside. Make sure you have a great blanket for parks -- something spacious so your baby can roll and crawl around and you can stretch out. I'd bring toys and books and snacks and we could pass a pleasant couple hours this way. I read so many books this way.
- Start working toward a nap schedule once it starts to seem feasible. It sounds constraining but I found it helped give my days shape and made it easier for me to plan outings. I also cheated and allow the last nap of the day to be in a stroller or the carrier often so that I could do things out of the house. Eventually you have to give this up so your kid will take a solid afternoon nap, but I got away with it until 8 or 9mo old? Anyway, I really hit my stride once my kid was taking regular naps because it also gave me alone time at home to relax, get some cleaning done, eventually to start job hunting.
- I enjoyed regular story times and mommy and me classes. Pick one or two and go to the same ones every week -- you will meet other moms this way. When you can, go to stuff that is geared specifically at infants or at new moms. It's not that your baby won't enjoy stuff with older kids (they will love it, actually) it's that those classes/groups tend to be a lot of kids with nannies so you don't meet as many moms. Going to things geared toward babies who are not yet crawling will help you find other women on maternity leave (I met several other moms taking year long leaves this way).
- Take advantage of your flexibility to grab extra time with your DH. Meet him for lunch near his office with the baby, or find a restaurant with a patio and a good happy hour that is easy for him to get to post-work, and meet him right after he's done. This is a tradition we started every Wednesday early on, and it was a nice way to ensure our family spent a little time out and about together during the week. Otherwise it's easy to get stuck in a very home-centric routine, which can be isolating for you, specifically. Babies are pretty portable before they walk, so the more you can take advantage, the better. It get's harder with toddlers.
I'll add other ideas if I think of them. I wouldn't trade my long maternity leave for anything. I totally respect anyone who doesn't want to do it, but for me it was perfect. Enjoy!
Anonymous
04/30/2022 20:15
Subject: 13 month long maternity leave
OP, I also took a year with each kid and I really loved it. Some people do, and your baby will be happy to have you!
My favorite parts:
-- classes (music, yoga, storytimes etc) with your baby are great. adds structure to the day, and you end up meeting other parents. I made some great friends during that time -- lots of super educated moms also choose (and are able) to stay home during the first year. met women with phds, rhodes scholars.
-- if you want to breastfeed, it is so easy. you can just be in sync with your baby. I never pumped
-- you get into a totally different rhythm and state of mind than when working. it's more zen-like -- you can be in the present and meet the needs of your baby, rather than dealing with deadlines and stress. work will be there on the other side.
Dont mind the naysayers! many, many, many countries have 1 or 2 years of leave for a reason.
-
My favorite parts:
-- classes (music, yoga, storytimes etc) with your baby are great. adds structure to the day, and you end up meeting other parents. I made some great friends during that time -- lots of super educated moms also choose (and are able) to stay home during the first year. met women with phds, rhodes scholars.
-- if you want to breastfeed, it is so easy. you can just be in sync with your baby. I never pumped
-- you get into a totally different rhythm and state of mind than when working. it's more zen-like -- you can be in the present and meet the needs of your baby, rather than dealing with deadlines and stress. work will be there on the other side.
Dont mind the naysayers! many, many, many countries have 1 or 2 years of leave for a reason.
-
Anonymous
04/30/2022 20:12
Subject: 13 month long maternity leave
OP I became a SAHM at the age of 40 with my only. It was great and I am so glad I had that option. My tip is check out your local library. Many have gatherings with babies. A place to meet other new moms and who doesn't like the library!
Enjoy OP!
Enjoy OP!
Anonymous
04/30/2022 20:11
Subject: 13 month long maternity leave
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm wrapping up a six month leave now and honestly can't imagine being away from work for longer. I'm not cut out to be a SAHP and the last couple months have been really draining and lonely. I hope you have a good experience. Mommy and me groups could work, but it's tough because those are typically SAHMs and IME they aren't really interested in connecting with someone who's going back to work, even in a year.
OP, you seem wildly optimistic about what this time is going to be like. There is a reason men return to work. It’s not remotely fun.
Maybe it wasn't for you but there are many career women like myself who really enjoyed my extended leave.
Anonymous
04/30/2022 20:11
Subject: 13 month long maternity leave
Not sure why so many posters are being such jerks, but I think it's great that you have so much time with your new baby.
My advice is to think of some things you might like to do, but be prepared to adjust on the fly. Some babies are easier than others. You don't want to spend that first year feeling bad because it doesn't go according to plan. Most things with kids don't go to plan. (LOl!)
One thing I really enjoyed as a new mom was reading during feeds and late-night wake-ups. Before the baby came I mostly read non-fiction for work. It was great to have the time to rediscover reading for pleasure again. I never thought I'd like to read this way either, but I have learned to love reading on my phone. It's so convenient during feeds or when the baby falls asleep on you. Download the Libby app from the library if you haven't already.
My advice is to think of some things you might like to do, but be prepared to adjust on the fly. Some babies are easier than others. You don't want to spend that first year feeling bad because it doesn't go according to plan. Most things with kids don't go to plan. (LOl!)
One thing I really enjoyed as a new mom was reading during feeds and late-night wake-ups. Before the baby came I mostly read non-fiction for work. It was great to have the time to rediscover reading for pleasure again. I never thought I'd like to read this way either, but I have learned to love reading on my phone. It's so convenient during feeds or when the baby falls asleep on you. Download the Libby app from the library if you haven't already.
Anonymous
04/30/2022 20:08
Subject: 13 month long maternity leave
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'm wrapping up a six month leave now and honestly can't imagine being away from work for longer. I'm not cut out to be a SAHP and the last couple months have been really draining and lonely. I hope you have a good experience. Mommy and me groups could work, but it's tough because those are typically SAHMs and IME they aren't really interested in connecting with someone who's going back to work, even in a year.
OP, you seem wildly optimistic about what this time is going to be like. There is a reason men return to work. It’s not remotely fun.
OP asked a question. Where did you see her optimism?
Come on, DCUM. Just answer the questions posed and stop trying to sh*t on everything ever mentioned.
Anonymous
04/30/2022 20:07
Subject: Re:13 month long maternity leave
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That isn’t maternity leave. You’re dropping out of the workforce (or in this case -school) unpaid.
Agree, this isn't 'maternity leave' as most people would understand the term.
Yes, dear, we’ve covered that hideous error on OP’s part quite a few times.
Anonymous
04/30/2022 20:05
Subject: 13 month long maternity leave
Anonymous wrote:I'm wrapping up a six month leave now and honestly can't imagine being away from work for longer. I'm not cut out to be a SAHP and the last couple months have been really draining and lonely. I hope you have a good experience. Mommy and me groups could work, but it's tough because those are typically SAHMs and IME they aren't really interested in connecting with someone who's going back to work, even in a year.
OP, you seem wildly optimistic about what this time is going to be like. There is a reason men return to work. It’s not remotely fun.
Anonymous
04/30/2022 20:03
Subject: Re:13 month long maternity leave
I had our children while we were living in Canada and had 12 months paid. I never wanted to be a SAHM but that time was special, good for my mental health, and did not damage my career. I'm sure it is context-specific. Finding other moms on leave was key, and then just making social plans together and getting out of the house regularly (in your case maybe SAHMs with babies would be easier, a year off is very common in Canada so most moms I knew were taking at least 6 months). When weather was nice we would meet in the park, sometimes a nice coffee shop or the library, and I found a mom and baby yoga class I loved. I also took a lot of walks and once we were getting more sleep later in the year took a few extended trips with my parents and the kids.
Anonymous
04/30/2022 20:00
Subject: 13 month long maternity leave
Anonymous wrote:OP you are lucky. I was in a similar situation and really appreciated having extra time with my baby. Yes, it can be difficult, but it's not torture like these people are saying. Also you are super lucky that your DH will be there to help for 9 weeks. You will want to join some classes or groups to get to know other moms, and I also recommend finding someone who can babysit occasionally, because there will be times when you need to go to appointments or errands.
Definitely agree in the babysitter part! I ended up being (unintentionally) home with my first for 9 months because of Covid. I actually loved being home with my kids but I can’t swing it financially for any length of time. If I could have a first year, that would be perfect. Aside from the babysitter (you need someone on call for things like dentist appointments where you can’t take the baby!), I also found it helpful to set small manageable household tasks as our daily awake/“play” time in those early days. Laundry or cleaning one room or whatever you can manage in the baby’s wake window. But definitely not too much — just letting everything slow down and not stressing yourself out about things.
And no, I’d spent basically no time around infants before I had one of my own. Turns out I love them, actually. I get why staying at home, even for 13 months, isn’t right for everyone, but it suits some of us.
Anonymous
04/30/2022 19:58
Subject: Re:13 month long maternity leave
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That isn’t maternity leave. You’re dropping out of the workforce (or in this case -school) unpaid.
Agree, this isn't 'maternity leave' as most people would understand the term.
Most Americans sadly wouldn't, but a year is not all that unusual in Europe.
Anonymous
04/30/2022 19:56
Subject: Re:13 month long maternity leave
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:That isn’t maternity leave. You’re dropping out of the workforce (or in this case -school) unpaid.
Lol I agree I was wondering wow what company gives a year maternity leave …but…it’s just a new mommy student who’s not even going to school.
PS you lose a lot of time with young children and it would be wise to take your classes and do childcare.
I'm a pp who took a long leave. I work for a major city government and we're given up to four years of parental leave (unpaid) with a job guaranteed upon return. Certainly not necessarily the same exact role, but it worked out for me extremely well, twice. "Mommy student"
Anonymous
04/30/2022 19:56
Subject: Re:13 month long maternity leave
I’ve enjoyed it. If you’re going to transition to daycare, if you can do it a month or two before definitely do that because you will have a series of illnesses.