Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing that wears me out is just staying on top of all the "soft" obligations that come with being a "good" working parent. Like, it's teacher appreciation week, so I have to volunteer for "fill the fridge" at one kid's school, do gifts for the teachers at the other, etc. Responding to invites from classmates, dialing into parent working groups, etc. There's always something like that. It would be so much easier to just let it all slide

You actually don't have to do any of that stuff (other than responding to invitations). Nothing will happen if you don't do them.

Yea I don’t do all that stuff. I’ll contribute a donation if requested but I’m too busy with work and life otherwise to be one of those parents who leads every effort. Some people are really into that and they are good at that stuff, but I’m not and it stresses me out so I don’t. My kids aren’t treated any differently.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nope, but I am no longer as "good" as you are.

I barely acknowledge one of our neighbors( If our eyes meet, I greet. Otherwise I don't look in their direction).

The house gets messy sometimes. If the kitchen is clean and beds are made, we are usually OK. The rest of the house is not that tidy until weekend comes around.

Breakfast has been every person for themselves since my youngest was 6. So I have just lunch and dinner to worry about. Lunch is pretty much the same thing all week( beans stewed over the previous weekend with some carb) except for weekends. So lunch is very convenient.

I think we have a great balance. It took us a while to get to this level of comfort. There was a time when I was being friendly with obnoxious neighbors because I wanted to set an example for the kids. There was a time when we vacuumed every night so that the house was spotless. There was a time when I made different things for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday. Those days are behind us, and life is less tiring.

I fell asleep just reading that. Wow.

Anonymous wrote:Nope, but I am no longer as "good" as you are.

I barely acknowledge one of our neighbors( If our eyes meet, I greet. Otherwise I don't look in their direction).

The house gets messy sometimes. If the kitchen is clean and beds are made, we are usually OK. The rest of the house is not that tidy until weekend comes around.

Breakfast has been every person for themselves since my youngest was 6. So I have just lunch and dinner to worry about. Lunch is pretty much the same thing all week( beans stewed over the previous weekend with some carb) except for weekends. So lunch is very convenient.

I think we have a great balance. It took us a while to get to this level of comfort. There was a time when I was being friendly with obnoxious neighbors because I wanted to set an example for the kids. There was a time when we vacuumed every night so that the house was spotless. There was a time when I made different things for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday. Those days are behind us, and life is less tiring.

Anonymous wrote:Nope, but I am no longer as "good" as you are.

I barely acknowledge one of our neighbors( If our eyes meet, I greet. Otherwise I don't look in their direction).

The house gets messy sometimes. If the kitchen is clean and beds are made, we are usually OK. The rest of the house is not that tidy until weekend comes around.

Breakfast has been every person for themselves since my youngest was 6. So I have just lunch and dinner to worry about. Lunch is pretty much the same thing all week( beans stewed over the previous weekend with some carb) except for weekends. So lunch is very convenient.

I think we have a great balance. It took us a while to get to this level of comfort. There was a time when I was being friendly with obnoxious neighbors because I wanted to set an example for the kids. There was a time when we vacuumed every night so that the house was spotless. There was a time when I made different things for breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday. Those days are behind us, and life is less tiring.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:-Always following the rules - I have been teaching my kids to know the rules and think about them but consider whether they make sense, and keep in mind there are times to break the rules. If you're supposed to be silently reading in class but there's a fire, it's okay to yell fire, for example.
-Watching family friendly movies with a good positive message that you want your kids to learn - uh, no way. I watch what I want to watch. Entertainment is art. My kids know not to repeat certain words, and some concepts are not to be talked about with people.
-Eating healthy balanced meal - sure sometimes. And sometimes we have yogurt and a banana for dinner. The other day we had pizza for breakfast.

I curse sometimes, slap my kids hands when they go to touch something they shouldn't, and yell sometimes too. I don't strive to be perfect. That's not attainable, and I feel zero need to drive myself crazy. Do I volunteer weekly? Yes. Am I sometimes kind to strangers? Yes. Do I hold the elevator door for people? Absolutely not. Did we once give DD's best friend whose family had been VERY kind to DD an Easter basket one year? Also yes. There's balance.

You don’t hold the elevator door?!?! What is wrong with you??

Nothing - I've got places to be. If you're slow, too bad - wait for the next one.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The thing that wears me out is just staying on top of all the "soft" obligations that come with being a "good" working parent. Like, it's teacher appreciation week, so I have to volunteer for "fill the fridge" at one kid's school, do gifts for the teachers at the other, etc. Responding to invites from classmates, dialing into parent working groups, etc. There's always something like that. It would be so much easier to just let it all slide

You actually don't have to do any of that stuff (other than responding to invitations). Nothing will happen if you don't do them.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:-Always following the rules - I have been teaching my kids to know the rules and think about them but consider whether they make sense, and keep in mind there are times to break the rules. If you're supposed to be silently reading in class but there's a fire, it's okay to yell fire, for example.
-Watching family friendly movies with a good positive message that you want your kids to learn - uh, no way. I watch what I want to watch. Entertainment is art. My kids know not to repeat certain words, and some concepts are not to be talked about with people.
-Eating healthy balanced meal - sure sometimes. And sometimes we have yogurt and a banana for dinner. The other day we had pizza for breakfast.

I curse sometimes, slap my kids hands when they go to touch something they shouldn't, and yell sometimes too. I don't strive to be perfect. That's not attainable, and I feel zero need to drive myself crazy. Do I volunteer weekly? Yes. Am I sometimes kind to strangers? Yes. Do I hold the elevator door for people? Absolutely not. Did we once give DD's best friend whose family had been VERY kind to DD an Easter basket one year? Also yes. There's balance.

You don’t hold the elevator door?!?! What is wrong with you??

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a little different, but sometimes I am frustrated because I've always played by the rules and tried to do the right thing. I have a job that helps people so I make less money. I'm honest in my dealings. Meanwhile I often see people who cut corners in life, focus only on themselves, are dishonest, and they get ahead. I don't want to change, or think I could even change because of how I was raised, but sometimes it feels so unfair.

This. I started feeling this way before kids, and having kids only makes it worse because I put effort into teaching my child to be a decent person, and then have to explain why that's important when it's very obvious that people who are willing to break the rules often come out on top. It can really rattle your value system. Especially because I am not religious so it's not like it's about getting into heaven or something. I just honestly believe it's important to treat others with kindness and that the world would be better if we all did this. So many people disagree though, or view it as an opening to take advantage.

Me three.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a little different, but sometimes I am frustrated because I've always played by the rules and tried to do the right thing. I have a job that helps people so I make less money. I'm honest in my dealings. Meanwhile I often see people who cut corners in life, focus only on themselves, are dishonest, and they get ahead. I don't want to change, or think I could even change because of how I was raised, but sometimes it feels so unfair.

This. I started feeling this way before kids, and having kids only makes it worse because I put effort into teaching my child to be a decent person, and then have to explain why that's important when it's very obvious that people who are willing to break the rules often come out on top. It can really rattle your value system. Especially because I am not religious so it's not like it's about getting into heaven or something. I just honestly believe it's important to treat others with kindness and that the world would be better if we all did this. So many people disagree though, or view it as an opening to take advantage.

Anonymous wrote:Not really, because I'm living an authentic life and feel true to myself and my values. I feel good when I'm nice to people, I feel more at ease when my house isn't cluttered, I feel more joy in parenting when I'm being a good mom (obviously what a "good mom" is varies from person to person). When I yell at my kids, or my house is a disaster, or I'm hung over, or I am standoffish to my neighbor, I feel crappy about it. Why would I actively decide to be like that more often?

Before anyone comes at me, no I have no illusions that I'm perfect, but nor do I yearn for a messy house and a night of binge drinking.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:-Always following the rules - I have been teaching my kids to know the rules and think about them but consider whether they make sense, and keep in mind there are times to break the rules. If you're supposed to be silently reading in class but there's a fire, it's okay to yell fire, for example.
-Watching family friendly movies with a good positive message that you want your kids to learn - uh, no way. I watch what I want to watch. Entertainment is art. My kids know not to repeat certain words, and some concepts are not to be talked about with people.
-Eating healthy balanced meal - sure sometimes. And sometimes we have yogurt and a banana for dinner. The other day we had pizza for breakfast.

I curse sometimes, slap my kids hands when they go to touch something they shouldn't, and yell sometimes too. I don't strive to be perfect. That's not attainable, and I feel zero need to drive myself crazy. Do I volunteer weekly? Yes. Am I sometimes kind to strangers? Yes. Do I hold the elevator door for people? Absolutely not. Did we once give DD's best friend whose family had been VERY kind to DD an Easter basket one year? Also yes. There's balance.

You don’t hold the elevator door?!?! What is wrong with you??