Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did the first year end up for the class of 2025 and parents?!

I can’t believe the year is almost done. Little over two weeks of classes left and then finals for mine. It was a year of amazing growth both academically and socially for one. For the other (twins obviously), it was a year of sickness and injury. I can count on one hand how many weeks they were healthy since august drop off. Very tough year because of dealing with that and the transition.

Lessons learned:
1. More vitamins and meds on hand for the inevitable sicknesses. Also air filter.
2. We were told not to succumb to the pressure to rent an apartment for sophomore year in October but in reality that IS when you need to book
Something if you’re at a large state school. Glad the kids found a place then as there is nothing good left this spring.
3. Encourage the kids to bring home fall clothes at Thanksgiving and winter clothes at Easter.
4. Don’t stress about their grades. Don’t even ask. Trust me they are plenty stressed about it without you adding to it. If they stay out all night drinking and miss a class or an assignment, they will learn from their mistakes. Freshman year is going to be hard, don’t expect As even if your kid has never gotten worse than an A.
5. The piece of advice I have my kids when I left them at drop off was, “don’t be the drink freshman passed out on the bathroom floor”. Happy to say they never were and in fact are quite proud of that. Overall drinking has slowed down but those first few weeks (really until Midterms) were pretty out of control for many kids.

Who else wants to report?

Why and how would you know this? And why would you believe you know everything that is going on even if you are pressing for them to tell you or asking these questions in the first place? What normally developing 18 or 19 year old tells mommy about drinking at college. So odd to me.

Yes, have conversations about drinking. Don't drink something you haven't poured or opened yourself, don't leave your drink, don't leave your friends behind, etc. But honestly you people should not be this involved in the details.

Strikes me as odd that you don't talk to your kids about drinking or presumably anything else? I guess you were probably the poster last fall who proudly said they dropped off the kid and didn't expect to hear from them until break.

I talk to my kids, they trust me to they tell me things. They know I will not judge them. They ask for advice. I feel sorry for anyone who doesn't have that relationship with their kids.

I am the complete opposite of OP...I really don't have a great picture of my kid's day to day life at school and don't really want to. It's his life, not mine. If I haven't already talked to him about drinking enough by now, nothing I say now, to an 18-year-old, would make a bit of difference. He was home over a long Easter break however, and he shared a lot fun pieces of information, how he is feeling about things, what's stressing him out, and what he loves about college. So when you act like a normal person and treat your 18-year-olds like 18-year-olds, they treat you with respect and are willing to share. As a side note: I am very close friends with his high school best friend's mother. She shares with me things she hears from her son, who is fairly far away at college. My son and I were talking a bit about him and it turns out, the stuff he shares with his mother is complete and utter BS. He shares basically fake stuff with her so she believes she knows everything, and she knows very little. My son said, "it's nothing I'm going to tell you either. He's fine, but trust me, she does not really have a sense of his life at college at all." I'm sure that's true of my son, and probably many of these first-year college students. I do not have blinders on, but boy do so many of you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

+1 I feel so embarrassed for parents like this.

This is why they graduate from college and can't function.

Are you one person having a conversation with yourself?

You would jump in the helicopter if your 18-year-old announced she wanted to get married. No parent is completely hands off.

Strawman argument.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

+1 I feel so embarrassed for parents like this.

This is why they graduate from college and can't function.

Are you one person having a conversation with yourself?

You would jump in the helicopter if your 18-year-old announced she wanted to get married. No parent is completely hands off.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

Are you kidding? This is the total opposite of a helicopter. I am a helicopter. My kids would not for one second be without a full stock of vitamins and meds, housing secured for the following year, and the fear of god in them for not getting strong grades.

I applaud OP because I think she is doing many things that will foster independence in her children. I can certainly learn from her.

My parents taught me to value grades well before I started college. I dealt with figuring out housing. I *think* I might have generally told them what I ended up getting each semester, but I honestly don’t remember for sure.

Basically, they helped me move in freshman year, visited me occasionally, and that was about it.

The whole idea is to prepare your kid for college beforehand, so that they can be independent when they go. They’re adults.

Independent in every way but the most important way—$$$$$$. For that reason, college is essentially an adult sleepaway camp/vacation. They learn how to do laundry but in no way are they independent/

Speak for yourself/your kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid, and you, are adjusting to a new phase of your relationship. There may be times that you are unhappy with the lack of contact/closeness and they are unhappy with your desire to know how they are / what they are up to.

This gets better, as you both learn your new roles. I think it is normal.

Great point. Had to keep reminding DH of this.

At one of the talks I attended for parents, the speaker (a dean) shared that at one point the only way he and his wife could get their son to communicate with them was to change the Amazon password!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

Are you kidding? This is the total opposite of a helicopter. I am a helicopter. My kids would not for one second be without a full stock of vitamins and meds, housing secured for the following year, and the fear of god in them for not getting strong grades.

I applaud OP because I think she is doing many things that will foster independence in her children. I can certainly learn from her.

A full stock of vitamins for a college student? What does that even mean?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

Are you kidding? This is the total opposite of a helicopter. I am a helicopter. My kids would not for one second be without a full stock of vitamins and meds, housing secured for the following year, and the fear of god in them for not getting strong grades.

I applaud OP because I think she is doing many things that will foster independence in her children. I can certainly learn from her.

My parents taught me to value grades well before I started college. I dealt with figuring out housing. I *think* I might have generally told them what I ended up getting each semester, but I honestly don’t remember for sure.

Basically, they helped me move in freshman year, visited me occasionally, and that was about it.

The whole idea is to prepare your kid for college beforehand, so that they can be independent when they go. They’re adults.

Independent in every way but the most important way—$$$$$$. For that reason, college is essentially an adult sleepaway camp/vacation. They learn how to do laundry but in no way are they independent/

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

Are you kidding? This is the total opposite of a helicopter. I am a helicopter. My kids would not for one second be without a full stock of vitamins and meds, housing secured for the following year, and the fear of god in them for not getting strong grades.

I applaud OP because I think she is doing many things that will foster independence in her children. I can certainly learn from her.

My parents taught me to value grades well before I started college. I dealt with figuring out housing. I *think* I might have generally told them what I ended up getting each semester, but I honestly don’t remember for sure.

Basically, they helped me move in freshman year, visited me occasionally, and that was about it.

The whole idea is to prepare your kid for college beforehand, so that they can be independent when they go. They’re adults.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get a checking account joint with your young adult. Makes moving funds fast and easy.
The roommate thing is no big deal. Short of a psychopath they will either be great friends or acquaintances. And honestly both are fine.
I did ask about grades. It’s her job to get good grades. Yes skip class. Yes f up get high and party. But also start learning the tipping points and balance needed to still be successful. That’s life.
The advisors are there to help. Ask questions. Keep pushing your kid back to asking their questions to the right persons. How many study abroad? Which credits count? How much? Which classes should they take this semester? Next semester?
If college is a plane flight away, pack clothes, then buy the bedding etc when you get there at target etc.
If mental health is a priority look it up ahead of time, find in network resources, learn what is offered at student health services
Encourage your kid to make a class plan for their time in undergrad. Mine did by second semester. It might change as interests change but they have a plan for graduating in 4 years with major and minor in areas of interest and a semester study abroad. They are future focused which at this age they should be.
Ask about alcohol and drug use. It’s very real thing on campuses. Keep ‘em talking to you.
Care packages are happily received.

Kids do not write checks. Venmo is their currency.

My kid has a debit card linked to our banking account. As do most of her friends. Easy to transfer money in and keep an eye on spending.

New poster- our dd is finishing her sophomore year. We all have Ally bank accounts. She has a savings and checking that we are also listed on. This means we can transfer funds really easily between accounts. She has only written 1 check but has her Venmo linked to the checking account. The savings account has "buckets" that she can name. They are basically virtual cookie jars. She has ones for travel, car, emergency. Everytime she gets paid a set amount goes into each bucket with the remainder into her general account.

Yeah my kid has their own totally separate bank account at the same age. I don’t need to know about their adult purchases, specifically of…adult objects.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

+1 I feel so embarrassed for parents like this.

Please don't be embarrased for my - I promise you I am not. I would kindly ask you to STFU and get off your judgmental and self important high horse

I think parents like you are naive or can be borderline neglectful. There is a happy medium you know? Just because you want to help your 17/18 year old with some advice and guidance to successfully navigate one of the biggest changes to their lives to set themselves up for success does NOT mean you are helicoptering. It means your a decent parent. No one is saying make the calls for them, or help them with their school work. Its about helping them stay relatively health, safe, and on track.

I find people like you who throw out the helicoptering thing any time a parent is actually interested and supportive of their kids ridiculous. I am not a helicopter parent. I believe in giving kids the freedom to fail - when it's not fatal. I don't plan on helicoptering my college student, but I do plan on helping them figure out how to get healthcare for themselves if they get sick and need it (did your college freshman handle ALL of their healthcare needs and insurance as a teenager before they left for college? ). Or how to make my life easier by having a plan in place if I need to quickly send money, or ya know, inquire as to what kind of plan they have to map out classes so I'm not paying for 5+ years of college.

Okay - I feel better getting that off my chest. LOL. Flame away!

Anonymous wrote:Your kid, and you, are adjusting to a new phase of your relationship. There may be times that you are unhappy with the lack of contact/closeness and they are unhappy with your desire to know how they are / what they are up to.

This gets better, as you both learn your new roles. I think it is normal.

Great point. Had to keep reminding DH of this.

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

Are you kidding? This is the total opposite of a helicopter. I am a helicopter. My kids would not for one second be without a full stock of vitamins and meds, housing secured for the following year, and the fear of god in them for not getting strong grades.

I applaud OP because I think she is doing many things that will foster independence in her children. I can certainly learn from her.

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

Then this thread isn't for you. Take a hike.

A suggestion for your first aid kit if it’s not in there. My DD sprained her ankle and needed an ice pack. We ended up instacarting the one you smash and they get cold. Hadn’t thought to put it in the kit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow. Helicopter parent alert.

+1 I feel so embarrassed for parents like this.

GMAFB; I’m sorry you are having a bad day and your go-to reaction is unkindness.