Anonymous wrote:Their SLP clinic refuses to treat trans kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not a troll! We’re a somewhat conservative family and I don’t think strict social rules would be a huge problem for DS. But I wouldn’t want him to be an outcast.

I'm an ex-mo who went to BYU. The honor code (aka social rules) is one thing, but it's so much more than just the honor code. Social life really does revolve around religion and your ward (aka church). Also, almost everyone at BYU is looking to get married quickly, and co-ed socializing generally has the underlying purpose of finding a spouse, so some people might not even associate with your son because he's not mormon and therefore unmarriable in their eyes. Heck, my husband was Mormon, but because he didn't go on a mission he was avoided by a large contingent of girls at BYU. The culture there is extremely niche, there will be great pressure to join the church. A non-member would feel really freaking out of place there, I think.

I would never do it. There are many other conservative/conservative-leaning colleges he could go to.

DP. What colleges are these? I'd love to add to the list colleges that are not religious and also not extremely left-leaning. But I don't think that exists. At least not among even remotely selective colleges.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not a troll! We’re a somewhat conservative family and I don’t think strict social rules would be a huge problem for DS. But I wouldn’t want him to be an outcast.

I'm an ex-mo who went to BYU. The honor code (aka social rules) is one thing, but it's so much more than just the honor code. Social life really does revolve around religion and your ward (aka church). Also, almost everyone at BYU is looking to get married quickly, and co-ed socializing generally has the underlying purpose of finding a spouse, so some people might not even associate with your son because he's not mormon and therefore unmarriable in their eyes. Heck, my husband was Mormon, but because he didn't go on a mission he was avoided by a large contingent of girls at BYU. The culture there is extremely niche, there will be great pressure to join the church. A non-member would feel really freaking out of place there, I think.

I would never do it. There are many other conservative/conservative-leaning colleges he could go to.

DP. What colleges are these? I'd love to add to the list colleges that are not religious and also not extremely left-leaning. But I don't think that exists. At least not among even remotely selective colleges.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not a troll! We’re a somewhat conservative family and I don’t think strict social rules would be a huge problem for DS. But I wouldn’t want him to be an outcast.

I'm an ex-mo who went to BYU. The honor code (aka social rules) is one thing, but it's so much more than just the honor code. Social life really does revolve around religion and your ward (aka church). Also, almost everyone at BYU is looking to get married quickly, and co-ed socializing generally has the underlying purpose of finding a spouse, so some people might not even associate with your son because he's not mormon and therefore unmarriable in their eyes. Heck, my husband was Mormon, but because he didn't go on a mission he was avoided by a large contingent of girls at BYU. The culture there is extremely niche, there will be great pressure to join the church. A non-member would feel really freaking out of place there, I think.

I would never do it. There are many other conservative/conservative-leaning colleges he could go to.

Anonymous wrote:you will get punished for drinking coffee or swearing. no thanks

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of Mormons go there because the tuition is ridiculously low for Mormons whose families have tithed, but they have to follow strict rules

Did you not read the question?

I did read it. I was saying that even a lot of Mormons know the rules are strict but go anyway.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A lot of Mormons go there because the tuition is ridiculously low for Mormons whose families have tithed, but they have to follow strict rules

Did you not read the question?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not a troll! We’re a somewhat conservative family and I don’t think strict social rules would be a huge problem for DS. But I wouldn’t want him to be an outcast.

I'm an ex-mo who went to BYU. The honor code (aka social rules) is one thing, but it's so much more than just the honor code. Social life really does revolve around religion and your ward (aka church). Also, almost everyone at BYU is looking to get married quickly, and co-ed socializing generally has the underlying purpose of finding a spouse, so some people might not even associate with your son because he's not mormon and therefore unmarriable in their eyes. Heck, my husband was Mormon, but because he didn't go on a mission he was avoided by a large contingent of girls at BYU. The culture there is extremely niche, there will be great pressure to join the church. A non-member would feel really freaking out of place there, I think.

I would never do it. There are many other conservative/conservative-leaning colleges he could go to.

Non-Mormon. It's not all one big ward - right? Curious how they form wards there? Do parents of BYU kids try to get their kids into "good" wards like a sorority?

DP here. Wards are just based on where you live. A ward has about 200 people in it so that’s maybe two apartment complexes? Your question about what the parents want is an odd one to me. From my experience, parents are pretty hands-off. They might want their kid to live in a nice apartment and those apartments and so their kids will naturally go to a ward with higher SES students, but part of this weird ethos of the church is going to church with whoever your neighbors happen to be rather than people you pick. I can’t imagine a parent trying to maneuver their kid into a more desirable ward since a) Mormon parents are rarely of the helicopter variety b) you might prefer to find “your people” but generally one ward isn’t considered more desirable and c) living on meager means is kind of glorified in the church so even parents who are well off might want their kid to live in a cheaper apartment and go to church with people who are less well-off.

Thanks for repsonding. I guess I Was just wondering how wards worked, esp if the point of college for 1/2 the class or more is to get married. I could see kids wanting in certain groups.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gosh, no. Don't do it. Imagine all social activities being at a middle school maturity level (singing carols, spin the bottle (gasp!), board games, etc). Everything revolves around the church, and if your life doesn't, then there is something wrong with you. Everyone there will find out he's not a member and assume that his presence at BYU indicates an interest in the church, or that the spirit has inspired him to attend; this will lead to crazy missionary efforts. Every Sunday in which there is a lesson/message on missionary work he will be the guy they think of, and then he'll have a very annoying 3-5 weeks until the next missionary lesson.

In short, his life will be a pain in the ass.

I went to BYU and I admit those games were cheesy, but they can actually be fun. And not that all college activities at other colleges revolve around drinking, but a lot do, and Id prefer my kid play board games and sardines than beer pong.

While we did pressure people who weren’t members to attend church, we never assumed they went to BYU because they were interested. We assumed it was for the academics and price of tuition. Some of us were annoying but socially I treated non-members like everyone else.

Did you ever play wink'em or kissing rugby? I went to high school with a lot of Mormons and those games were big.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Gosh, no. Don't do it. Imagine all social activities being at a middle school maturity level (singing carols, spin the bottle (gasp!), board games, etc). Everything revolves around the church, and if your life doesn't, then there is something wrong with you. Everyone there will find out he's not a member and assume that his presence at BYU indicates an interest in the church, or that the spirit has inspired him to attend; this will lead to crazy missionary efforts. Every Sunday in which there is a lesson/message on missionary work he will be the guy they think of, and then he'll have a very annoying 3-5 weeks until the next missionary lesson.

In short, his life will be a pain in the ass.

I went to BYU and I admit those games were cheesy, but they can actually be fun. And not that all college activities at other colleges revolve around drinking, but a lot do, and Id prefer my kid play board games and sardines than beer pong.

While we did pressure people who weren’t members to attend church, we never assumed they went to BYU because they were interested. We assumed it was for the academics and price of tuition. Some of us were annoying but socially I treated non-members like everyone else.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Not a troll! We’re a somewhat conservative family and I don’t think strict social rules would be a huge problem for DS. But I wouldn’t want him to be an outcast.

I'm an ex-mo who went to BYU. The honor code (aka social rules) is one thing, but it's so much more than just the honor code. Social life really does revolve around religion and your ward (aka church). Also, almost everyone at BYU is looking to get married quickly, and co-ed socializing generally has the underlying purpose of finding a spouse, so some people might not even associate with your son because he's not mormon and therefore unmarriable in their eyes. Heck, my husband was Mormon, but because he didn't go on a mission he was avoided by a large contingent of girls at BYU. The culture there is extremely niche, there will be great pressure to join the church. A non-member would feel really freaking out of place there, I think.

I would never do it. There are many other conservative/conservative-leaning colleges he could go to.

Non-Mormon. It's not all one big ward - right? Curious how they form wards there? Do parents of BYU kids try to get their kids into "good" wards like a sorority?

DP here. Wards are just based on where you live. A ward has about 200 people in it so that’s maybe two apartment complexes? Your question about what the parents want is an odd one to me. From my experience, parents are pretty hands-off. They might want their kid to live in a nice apartment and those apartments and so their kids will naturally go to a ward with higher SES students, but part of this weird ethos of the church is going to church with whoever your neighbors happen to be rather than people you pick. I can’t imagine a parent trying to maneuver their kid into a more desirable ward since a) Mormon parents are rarely of the helicopter variety b) you might prefer to find “your people” but generally one ward isn’t considered more desirable and c) living on meager means is kind of glorified in the church so even parents who are well off might want their kid to live in a cheaper apartment and go to church with people who are less well-off.