Another parent of daughters raising them WAY differently than I was.

OP, I also had NO idea what sex was or how babies were made. When I was maybe 12, we were on a big family vacation and I slept in a bottom bunk bed the that had a trundle mattress pull out next to it where my 11yo boy cousin slept. I sobbed and sobbed that whole night because I thought I was going to get pregnant because I was "sleeping with a boy". I'll probably get flack from sharing this story but it felt so traumatizing to young me. Looking back, I realize that my parents did me SUCH a horrible disservice.

I have two daughters now and even though it makes me fierce uncomfortable as a product of my upbringing, I've always used the correct names for body parts, openly answered all of their questions, and been an advocate for love and sex between two consenting adults. I've discussed masterbation with them and how it's normal and healthy to make yourself feel good. It makes me feel gross even to type this- that's how badly anti-sex I was conditioned. Determined to do much better by my daughters.

I wish you the best. Sex is normal and fun.

Double up on birth control.

Pill + condom
IUD + condom

Add in pulling out and you are virtually zero pregnancy chance.

I was very religious as a teen and was going to wait until I got married even to kiss a guy (Thanks Elisabeth Eliot!) So I understand your feelings. But now as a mother of tween girls I very much want them to understand that sexuality is healthy and normal.

Talk to your OBGYN about the best birth control for you. When I decided to sleep with my now husband at 21 after three years of dating, I was on the pill and we used condoms. Somehow I still worried about getting pregnant (in fact, had taken some pregnancy tests when we hadn't even had sex because I was worried it could have happened anyway . . . not rational, but normal if you've been programmed to believe your value is in your virginity).

8 years later when we were married and trying to get pregnant, I had to laugh at how easy I thought pregnancy was. Here we were, using an ovulation monitor and timing our unprotected sex and it still took several months each time.

Part of my logic when I did have sex at 21 was that I knew my boyfriend would marry me and I would have a college degree by the time the baby was born. I couldn't see myself having an abortion so I needed to do know what I would do. Getting pregnant when you're unmarried is a tale as old as time (indeed, it's already happened a lot in your family so it's not like you'd be wearing a Scarlet A). Certainly counseling can help you with the shame and fear.

When I was a teenager my dad told me it was OK to kiss boys. I said, "Ew dad!" But he was right. He was worried about my religiosity but he was also right that I would figure it out when I was a little older and wiser.

I want my daughters to know all the risks that come along with sex, but without all the "your worth is the status of your hymen" crap. Are you prepared to deal with a pregnancy one way or another? That could be getting married, being a single parent, adoption, abortion. The right answer is up to you. You are empowered to make your own choices about your one precious life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you could also use some therapy. I don't think it's normal or healthy to be scared of premarital sex, or to not know where babies come from until high school. In all seriousness, life is much nicer when you don't carry guilt about something as basic as eating and peeing.

Life is also much nicer without STDs, unwanted pregnancies by multiple men not your spouse raising a child in a single patient household potentially not knowing who the father is.

Women who are responsible about BC and don’t put stigma on abortion don’t have any of those things either.

Conversely, the OP’s small circle seemed to be filled with these stories, despite their horrific fear of sex.

They often have long histories of heartache and trauma after having sex with emotional abusers, narcissists, irresponsible guys with no jobs, alcoholics, and so on if this forum and real life is anything to go by, though.

Literally no one on this thread has been recommending sleeping with multiple guys.

They are simply recommending that OP's fear of sex may be hindering her from enjoying sex/having healthy relationships. That could be with one guy for her whole life. Or maybe 3 guys. Or maybe 50. But if you are scared of sex, your life is going to be pretty shitty whether you have sex with 1 guy or 50.

A woman who is responsible about BC (takes daily pill or IUD or condom) can have sex all she wants - with a single life partner, or many men. It is her choice. On the very rare chance she finds herself pregnant, she can have an abortion. Many women have no stigma about the rare chance of having an abortion. This woman - whether sleeping with one or many men - will not get STDs and will not be raising any children unless she chooses to.

Some of you women have some retrograde ideas that you think women with healthy attitudes towards sex/abortion are necessarily sleeping with lots of men.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No PIV. Always was back door lovin.

Excellent idea!

Limiting/reducing PIV can lower chances and maybe make you feel more relaxed.

We liked a 1 to 3 ratio, where he only had 1 PIV “O” for every 3 from other activities together.

Anonymous wrote:Marriage first. Decide on the number of children. Have children. Then man has vasectomy.

Riiight, sign up to spend the rest of your life with someone you may be incompatible with in bed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you could also use some therapy. I don't think it's normal or healthy to be scared of premarital sex, or to not know where babies come from until high school. In all seriousness, life is much nicer when you don't carry guilt about something as basic as eating and peeing.

Life is also much nicer without STDs, unwanted pregnancies by multiple men not your spouse raising a child in a single patient household potentially not knowing who the father is.

Women who are responsible about BC and don’t put stigma on abortion don’t have any of those things either.

Conversely, the OP’s small circle seemed to be filled with these stories, despite their horrific fear of sex.

They often have long histories of heartache and trauma after having sex with emotional abusers, narcissists, irresponsible guys with no jobs, alcoholics, and so on if this forum and real life is anything to go by, though.

Nah - I’d wager that virgins when married are more likely to marry (and stay married to) emotional abusers, etc. and fear of sex isn’t just going to switch off with marriage. A healthy sexual relationship starts with yourself. OP- do you feel connected to yourself sexually? Do you masturvste? What kind of sexual relationship do YOU want with yourself / others?

Knowledge is power. There are probably lots of YouTube videos on birth control options, how to use a condom, etc. Hormonal birth control never worked for me. I would encourage you to make your partner test for STDs first because some aren’t prevented by condom use.

There are many enjoyable things you can do without full blown sex. You can explore those even if you’re not comfortable with the rest.

Marriage first. Decide on the number of children. Have children. Then man has vasectomy.

An aspirin held firmly between the knees.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you could also use some therapy. I don't think it's normal or healthy to be scared of premarital sex, or to not know where babies come from until high school. In all seriousness, life is much nicer when you don't carry guilt about something as basic as eating and peeing.

Life is also much nicer without STDs, unwanted pregnancies by multiple men not your spouse raising a child in a single patient household potentially not knowing who the father is.

Women who are responsible about BC and don’t put stigma on abortion don’t have any of those things either.

Conversely, the OP’s small circle seemed to be filled with these stories, despite their horrific fear of sex.

They often have long histories of heartache and trauma after having sex with emotional abusers, narcissists, irresponsible guys with no jobs, alcoholics, and so on if this forum and real life is anything to go by, though.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you could also use some therapy. I don't think it's normal or healthy to be scared of premarital sex, or to not know where babies come from until high school. In all seriousness, life is much nicer when you don't carry guilt about something as basic as eating and peeing.

Life is also much nicer without STDs, unwanted pregnancies by multiple men not your spouse raising a child in a single patient household potentially not knowing who the father is.

Women who are responsible about BC and don’t put stigma on abortion don’t have any of those things either.

Conversely, the OP’s small circle seemed to be filled with these stories, despite their horrific fear of sex.

Anonymous wrote:Dry hump. Diseases are rampant and I would wait until marriage.

Don't buy the cow without trying the milk. This board is full of unhappy people without sexually compatible spouses.

Have lots of sex before marriage so you can understand what works for you and you can find the person best suited to give you what you need.

Anonymous wrote:No PIV. Always was back door lovin.

Excellent idea!

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like you could also use some therapy. I don't think it's normal or healthy to be scared of premarital sex, or to not know where babies come from until high school. In all seriousness, life is much nicer when you don't carry guilt about something as basic as eating and peeing.

Life is also much nicer without STDs, unwanted pregnancies by multiple men not your spouse raising a child in a single patient household potentially not knowing who the father is.