Anonymous
04/10/2022 21:33
Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is part of aging, OP.
SHE'S IN HER 50S. NOT OLD. Conversation here is not weird or unusual
She's not in her 50s. She's in her 70s. Some random person she knows from church who I never met is in her 50s.
I am asking here because I want to be more patient and loving. I often do call when I'm folding laundry or doing something else. If I'm doing dishes I put the phone on mute so the plates clanging is not disruptive, and someone's it's literally 15 minutes before I need to unmute to add anything. She doesn't seem to listen if I try to share anything, or interrupts quickly to go back to get monologue.
I appreciate people reminding me to be kinder and appreciative. I'm trying and feel it in my heart. I guess I'm wondering, "how" to live it better? I ask questions about family history but those are passed over quickly to conversations about people I don't know or a recitation of every single organization that sent mail soliciting donations this year, that she's saved in a shoebox. Is this dementia? We have an in person visit coming up, and as a quiet introverted person, I need tips on how best to be a kind supportive daughter. Thanks for those who understood. That helps.
70s isn't old either. Sorry. She isn't Hilary Clinton or Elizabeth Warren with political careers if that'swhat you are going for, but even they talk to their kids about. Sometimes the day to day sounds like this and your Mom talks to you like this because you don't provide any connection to her with your life: your friends, your kids, your hobbies. I'm 66. My daughter age 40 and I chat about:
Decorating, we share IG pages
Her friends getting on Xanax or anti depressants, and who's coming off ( lol), who is in therapy and who needs to be. ( I'm adding you to this list...)
Everyone's kids and inlaws
Our family
Deaths and divorces
Articles of interest
Both of our weird and great neighbors
Parties we are invited to
Her work drama
My weird friends and who went gray, what trips they are going on, blah blah blah
Our dogs
Food, lots of food.
Yes, our laundry!
My dad (mid-70s) and I were just talking this morning about age/work. He asked me to name someone in real life that was fully engaged in the professional workforce after 75. He thinks the politicians give a false impression of what's happening to a lot of people. Both my parents are mid-70s and there has been a huge decline in the last 10 years. If OP didn't have this problem with her mother 10 years ago, then no, I don't think this is about OP's conversational skills. Count yourself fortunate that you haven't seen this decline many of us have.
Work is not life. Why have your parents declined? This is an American paradigm about working. There is more to life than work. 75 is not presumed to be a time of cognitive loss.
Yes, I agree there is more to life than work; my comment was a reaction to people holding up Clinton/Warren/Biden as the average functioning person for their age. I was also responding to the poster who is 66. Is that you? Do you really think there is no meaningful difference between 66 and 76?
No, there isn't....cognitively. There is a cultural generational gap there, music, work experience, technology for some, interests maybe, but no, the cognitive level does not take a nose dive at 70. I socialize with a large age range in many civic and political groups, ages range from about 55 to 80. No, a 75 year old isn't on the brink of dementia. Sorry.
Do you have anyone in your family with dementia? Interacted on a routine basis before and after? It’s not an on-off switch; they call Alzheimer’s, for example, the long slow goodbye for a reason.
Come on. Alzheimers isn't everyone's story. Assuming all people over a certain age have a form of dementia is ridiculous. I have a friend who had it at 52. It's a disease not a mandate.
Why assume a person who talks about a friend or lsundry has dementia? That is ageist.
That’s not the full story that OP is telling. Not sure why you aren’t hearing that.
Did you actually read the comment this is replying to? It isn't OP that is being responded to. Let me walk you through this. There's a little link above the comment that is all the previous content. You need to press it. This has changed recently by the admin so that we don't have pages and pages of repeated comments as quotes.
Well I wrote the comment that this is responding to. So yes. OP is complaining more than just listening to stories about laundry. Her mother does not respond to and interrupts her questions and comments. Her mother is not able to have a dialogue. I’ll spare us both and trust you know how to go back and find the updates.
Anonymous
04/10/2022 20:52
Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is part of aging, OP.
SHE'S IN HER 50S. NOT OLD. Conversation here is not weird or unusual
She's not in her 50s. She's in her 70s. Some random person she knows from church who I never met is in her 50s.
I am asking here because I want to be more patient and loving. I often do call when I'm folding laundry or doing something else. If I'm doing dishes I put the phone on mute so the plates clanging is not disruptive, and someone's it's literally 15 minutes before I need to unmute to add anything. She doesn't seem to listen if I try to share anything, or interrupts quickly to go back to get monologue.
I appreciate people reminding me to be kinder and appreciative. I'm trying and feel it in my heart. I guess I'm wondering, "how" to live it better? I ask questions about family history but those are passed over quickly to conversations about people I don't know or a recitation of every single organization that sent mail soliciting donations this year, that she's saved in a shoebox. Is this dementia? We have an in person visit coming up, and as a quiet introverted person, I need tips on how best to be a kind supportive daughter. Thanks for those who understood. That helps.
70s isn't old either. Sorry. She isn't Hilary Clinton or Elizabeth Warren with political careers if that'swhat you are going for, but even they talk to their kids about. Sometimes the day to day sounds like this and your Mom talks to you like this because you don't provide any connection to her with your life: your friends, your kids, your hobbies. I'm 66. My daughter age 40 and I chat about:
Decorating, we share IG pages
Her friends getting on Xanax or anti depressants, and who's coming off ( lol), who is in therapy and who needs to be. ( I'm adding you to this list...)
Everyone's kids and inlaws
Our family
Deaths and divorces
Articles of interest
Both of our weird and great neighbors
Parties we are invited to
Her work drama
My weird friends and who went gray, what trips they are going on, blah blah blah
Our dogs
Food, lots of food.
Yes, our laundry!
My dad (mid-70s) and I were just talking this morning about age/work. He asked me to name someone in real life that was fully engaged in the professional workforce after 75. He thinks the politicians give a false impression of what's happening to a lot of people. Both my parents are mid-70s and there has been a huge decline in the last 10 years. If OP didn't have this problem with her mother 10 years ago, then no, I don't think this is about OP's conversational skills. Count yourself fortunate that you haven't seen this decline many of us have.
Work is not life. Why have your parents declined? This is an American paradigm about working. There is more to life than work. 75 is not presumed to be a time of cognitive loss.
Yes, I agree there is more to life than work; my comment was a reaction to people holding up Clinton/Warren/Biden as the average functioning person for their age. I was also responding to the poster who is 66. Is that you? Do you really think there is no meaningful difference between 66 and 76?
No, there isn't....cognitively. There is a cultural generational gap there, music, work experience, technology for some, interests maybe, but no, the cognitive level does not take a nose dive at 70. I socialize with a large age range in many civic and political groups, ages range from about 55 to 80. No, a 75 year old isn't on the brink of dementia. Sorry.
Do you have anyone in your family with dementia? Interacted on a routine basis before and after? It’s not an on-off switch; they call Alzheimer’s, for example, the long slow goodbye for a reason.
Come on. Alzheimers isn't everyone's story. Assuming all people over a certain age have a form of dementia is ridiculous. I have a friend who had it at 52. It's a disease not a mandate.
Why assume a person who talks about a friend or lsundry has dementia? That is ageist.
That’s not the full story that OP is telling. Not sure why you aren’t hearing that.
What?
Anonymous
04/10/2022 20:52
Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is part of aging, OP.
SHE'S IN HER 50S. NOT OLD. Conversation here is not weird or unusual
She's not in her 50s. She's in her 70s. Some random person she knows from church who I never met is in her 50s.
I am asking here because I want to be more patient and loving. I often do call when I'm folding laundry or doing something else. If I'm doing dishes I put the phone on mute so the plates clanging is not disruptive, and someone's it's literally 15 minutes before I need to unmute to add anything. She doesn't seem to listen if I try to share anything, or interrupts quickly to go back to get monologue.
I appreciate people reminding me to be kinder and appreciative. I'm trying and feel it in my heart. I guess I'm wondering, "how" to live it better? I ask questions about family history but those are passed over quickly to conversations about people I don't know or a recitation of every single organization that sent mail soliciting donations this year, that she's saved in a shoebox. Is this dementia? We have an in person visit coming up, and as a quiet introverted person, I need tips on how best to be a kind supportive daughter. Thanks for those who understood. That helps.
70s isn't old either. Sorry. She isn't Hilary Clinton or Elizabeth Warren with political careers if that'swhat you are going for, but even they talk to their kids about. Sometimes the day to day sounds like this and your Mom talks to you like this because you don't provide any connection to her with your life: your friends, your kids, your hobbies. I'm 66. My daughter age 40 and I chat about:
Decorating, we share IG pages
Her friends getting on Xanax or anti depressants, and who's coming off ( lol), who is in therapy and who needs to be. ( I'm adding you to this list...)
Everyone's kids and inlaws
Our family
Deaths and divorces
Articles of interest
Both of our weird and great neighbors
Parties we are invited to
Her work drama
My weird friends and who went gray, what trips they are going on, blah blah blah
Our dogs
Food, lots of food.
Yes, our laundry!
My dad (mid-70s) and I were just talking this morning about age/work. He asked me to name someone in real life that was fully engaged in the professional workforce after 75. He thinks the politicians give a false impression of what's happening to a lot of people. Both my parents are mid-70s and there has been a huge decline in the last 10 years. If OP didn't have this problem with her mother 10 years ago, then no, I don't think this is about OP's conversational skills. Count yourself fortunate that you haven't seen this decline many of us have.
Work is not life. Why have your parents declined? This is an American paradigm about working. There is more to life than work. 75 is not presumed to be a time of cognitive loss.
Yes, I agree there is more to life than work; my comment was a reaction to people holding up Clinton/Warren/Biden as the average functioning person for their age. I was also responding to the poster who is 66. Is that you? Do you really think there is no meaningful difference between 66 and 76?
No, there isn't....cognitively. There is a cultural generational gap there, music, work experience, technology for some, interests maybe, but no, the cognitive level does not take a nose dive at 70. I socialize with a large age range in many civic and political groups, ages range from about 55 to 80. No, a 75 year old isn't on the brink of dementia. Sorry.
Do you have anyone in your family with dementia? Interacted on a routine basis before and after? It’s not an on-off switch; they call Alzheimer’s, for example, the long slow goodbye for a reason.
Come on. Alzheimers isn't everyone's story. Assuming all people over a certain age have a form of dementia is ridiculous. I have a friend who had it at 52. It's a disease not a mandate.
Why assume a person who talks about a friend or lsundry has dementia? That is ageist.
That’s not the full story that OP is telling. Not sure why you aren’t hearing that.
Did you actually read the comment this is replying to? It isn't OP that is being responded to. Let me walk you through this. There's a little link above the comment that is all the previous content. You need to press it. This has changed recently by the admin so that we don't have pages and pages of repeated comments as quotes.
Anonymous
04/10/2022 18:57
Subject: Re:It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Both my mother and mil are like this. Smile and nod. Say mmhmm and oh! at the appropriate intervals. As someone else said your mom listened to years of your nonsense as a child and teen I am sure.
Anonymous
04/10/2022 18:35
Subject: Re:It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
P, just like with our children (or anyone, really) you listen nicely not because it's interesting but because doing so is an investment in your relationship. This is what I remind myself when my kids or parents or friends are droning on about something I don't really care about. And it's what they do when I'm going on about something dear to me.
NP and +1
I've come to realize that at this stage off her life, my mother is very focused on her own life. That's just how she is--she doesn't ask much about me, she doesn't remember things about my life, etc. But a core value of mine is to be a caring and supportive child as she begins to be less independent in her life, so I continue to phone and meet up with her even though it at time frustrates me. Being value-directed in my actions has made those frustrations more manageable.
Anonymous
04/10/2022 18:04
Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is part of aging, OP.
SHE'S IN HER 50S. NOT OLD. Conversation here is not weird or unusual
She's not in her 50s. She's in her 70s. Some random person she knows from church who I never met is in her 50s.
I am asking here because I want to be more patient and loving. I often do call when I'm folding laundry or doing something else. If I'm doing dishes I put the phone on mute so the plates clanging is not disruptive, and someone's it's literally 15 minutes before I need to unmute to add anything. She doesn't seem to listen if I try to share anything, or interrupts quickly to go back to get monologue.
I appreciate people reminding me to be kinder and appreciative. I'm trying and feel it in my heart. I guess I'm wondering, "how" to live it better? I ask questions about family history but those are passed over quickly to conversations about people I don't know or a recitation of every single organization that sent mail soliciting donations this year, that she's saved in a shoebox. Is this dementia? We have an in person visit coming up, and as a quiet introverted person, I need tips on how best to be a kind supportive daughter. Thanks for those who understood. That helps.
70s isn't old either. Sorry. She isn't Hilary Clinton or Elizabeth Warren with political careers if that'swhat you are going for, but even they talk to their kids about. Sometimes the day to day sounds like this and your Mom talks to you like this because you don't provide any connection to her with your life: your friends, your kids, your hobbies. I'm 66. My daughter age 40 and I chat about:
Decorating, we share IG pages
Her friends getting on Xanax or anti depressants, and who's coming off ( lol), who is in therapy and who needs to be. ( I'm adding you to this list...)
Everyone's kids and inlaws
Our family
Deaths and divorces
Articles of interest
Both of our weird and great neighbors
Parties we are invited to
Her work drama
My weird friends and who went gray, what trips they are going on, blah blah blah
Our dogs
Food, lots of food.
Yes, our laundry!
My dad (mid-70s) and I were just talking this morning about age/work. He asked me to name someone in real life that was fully engaged in the professional workforce after 75. He thinks the politicians give a false impression of what's happening to a lot of people. Both my parents are mid-70s and there has been a huge decline in the last 10 years. If OP didn't have this problem with her mother 10 years ago, then no, I don't think this is about OP's conversational skills. Count yourself fortunate that you haven't seen this decline many of us have.
Work is not life. Why have your parents declined? This is an American paradigm about working. There is more to life than work. 75 is not presumed to be a time of cognitive loss.
Yes, I agree there is more to life than work; my comment was a reaction to people holding up Clinton/Warren/Biden as the average functioning person for their age. I was also responding to the poster who is 66. Is that you? Do you really think there is no meaningful difference between 66 and 76?
No, there isn't....cognitively. There is a cultural generational gap there, music, work experience, technology for some, interests maybe, but no, the cognitive level does not take a nose dive at 70. I socialize with a large age range in many civic and political groups, ages range from about 55 to 80. No, a 75 year old isn't on the brink of dementia. Sorry.
Do you have anyone in your family with dementia? Interacted on a routine basis before and after? It’s not an on-off switch; they call Alzheimer’s, for example, the long slow goodbye for a reason.
Come on. Alzheimers isn't everyone's story. Assuming all people over a certain age have a form of dementia is ridiculous. I have a friend who had it at 52. It's a disease not a mandate.
Why assume a person who talks about a friend or lsundry has dementia? That is ageist.
That’s not the full story that OP is telling. Not sure why you aren’t hearing that.
Anonymous
04/10/2022 17:36
Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is part of aging, OP.
SHE'S IN HER 50S. NOT OLD. Conversation here is not weird or unusual
She's not in her 50s. She's in her 70s. Some random person she knows from church who I never met is in her 50s.
I am asking here because I want to be more patient and loving. I often do call when I'm folding laundry or doing something else. If I'm doing dishes I put the phone on mute so the plates clanging is not disruptive, and someone's it's literally 15 minutes before I need to unmute to add anything. She doesn't seem to listen if I try to share anything, or interrupts quickly to go back to get monologue.
I appreciate people reminding me to be kinder and appreciative. I'm trying and feel it in my heart. I guess I'm wondering, "how" to live it better? I ask questions about family history but those are passed over quickly to conversations about people I don't know or a recitation of every single organization that sent mail soliciting donations this year, that she's saved in a shoebox. Is this dementia? We have an in person visit coming up, and as a quiet introverted person, I need tips on how best to be a kind supportive daughter. Thanks for those who understood. That helps.
70s isn't old either. Sorry. She isn't Hilary Clinton or Elizabeth Warren with political careers if that'swhat you are going for, but even they talk to their kids about. Sometimes the day to day sounds like this and your Mom talks to you like this because you don't provide any connection to her with your life: your friends, your kids, your hobbies. I'm 66. My daughter age 40 and I chat about:
Decorating, we share IG pages
Her friends getting on Xanax or anti depressants, and who's coming off ( lol), who is in therapy and who needs to be. ( I'm adding you to this list...)
Everyone's kids and inlaws
Our family
Deaths and divorces
Articles of interest
Both of our weird and great neighbors
Parties we are invited to
Her work drama
My weird friends and who went gray, what trips they are going on, blah blah blah
Our dogs
Food, lots of food.
Yes, our laundry!
My dad (mid-70s) and I were just talking this morning about age/work. He asked me to name someone in real life that was fully engaged in the professional workforce after 75. He thinks the politicians give a false impression of what's happening to a lot of people. Both my parents are mid-70s and there has been a huge decline in the last 10 years. If OP didn't have this problem with her mother 10 years ago, then no, I don't think this is about OP's conversational skills. Count yourself fortunate that you haven't seen this decline many of us have.
Work is not life. Why have your parents declined? This is an American paradigm about working. There is more to life than work. 75 is not presumed to be a time of cognitive loss.
Yes, I agree there is more to life than work; my comment was a reaction to people holding up Clinton/Warren/Biden as the average functioning person for their age. I was also responding to the poster who is 66. Is that you? Do you really think there is no meaningful difference between 66 and 76?
No, there isn't....cognitively. There is a cultural generational gap there, music, work experience, technology for some, interests maybe, but no, the cognitive level does not take a nose dive at 70. I socialize with a large age range in many civic and political groups, ages range from about 55 to 80. No, a 75 year old isn't on the brink of dementia. Sorry.
Do you have anyone in your family with dementia? Interacted on a routine basis before and after? It’s not an on-off switch; they call Alzheimer’s, for example, the long slow goodbye for a reason.
Come on. Alzheimers isn't everyone's story. Assuming all people over a certain age have a form of dementia is ridiculous. I have a friend who had it at 52. It's a disease not a mandate.
Why assume a person who talks about a friend or lsundry has dementia? That is ageist.
Anonymous
04/10/2022 17:06
Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is part of aging, OP.
SHE'S IN HER 50S. NOT OLD. Conversation here is not weird or unusual
She's not in her 50s. She's in her 70s. Some random person she knows from church who I never met is in her 50s.
I am asking here because I want to be more patient and loving. I often do call when I'm folding laundry or doing something else. If I'm doing dishes I put the phone on mute so the plates clanging is not disruptive, and someone's it's literally 15 minutes before I need to unmute to add anything. She doesn't seem to listen if I try to share anything, or interrupts quickly to go back to get monologue.
I appreciate people reminding me to be kinder and appreciative. I'm trying and feel it in my heart. I guess I'm wondering, "how" to live it better? I ask questions about family history but those are passed over quickly to conversations about people I don't know or a recitation of every single organization that sent mail soliciting donations this year, that she's saved in a shoebox. Is this dementia? We have an in person visit coming up, and as a quiet introverted person, I need tips on how best to be a kind supportive daughter. Thanks for those who understood. That helps.
70s isn't old either. Sorry. She isn't Hilary Clinton or Elizabeth Warren with political careers if that'swhat you are going for, but even they talk to their kids about. Sometimes the day to day sounds like this and your Mom talks to you like this because you don't provide any connection to her with your life: your friends, your kids, your hobbies. I'm 66. My daughter age 40 and I chat about:
Decorating, we share IG pages
Her friends getting on Xanax or anti depressants, and who's coming off ( lol), who is in therapy and who needs to be. ( I'm adding you to this list...)
Everyone's kids and inlaws
Our family
Deaths and divorces
Articles of interest
Both of our weird and great neighbors
Parties we are invited to
Her work drama
My weird friends and who went gray, what trips they are going on, blah blah blah
Our dogs
Food, lots of food.
Yes, our laundry!
My dad (mid-70s) and I were just talking this morning about age/work. He asked me to name someone in real life that was fully engaged in the professional workforce after 75. He thinks the politicians give a false impression of what's happening to a lot of people. Both my parents are mid-70s and there has been a huge decline in the last 10 years. If OP didn't have this problem with her mother 10 years ago, then no, I don't think this is about OP's conversational skills. Count yourself fortunate that you haven't seen this decline many of us have.
Work is not life. Why have your parents declined? This is an American paradigm about working. There is more to life than work. 75 is not presumed to be a time of cognitive loss.
Yes, I agree there is more to life than work; my comment was a reaction to people holding up Clinton/Warren/Biden as the average functioning person for their age. I was also responding to the poster who is 66. Is that you? Do you really think there is no meaningful difference between 66 and 76?
No, there isn't....cognitively. There is a cultural generational gap there, music, work experience, technology for some, interests maybe, but no, the cognitive level does not take a nose dive at 70. I socialize with a large age range in many civic and political groups, ages range from about 55 to 80. No, a 75 year old isn't on the brink of dementia. Sorry.
Do you have anyone in your family with dementia? Interacted on a routine basis before and after? It’s not an on-off switch; they call Alzheimer’s, for example, the long slow goodbye for a reason.
Anonymous
04/10/2022 17:02
Subject: Re:It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:I can completely relate, OP. I'm so thankful for phones so I can roll my eyes while she goes on and on in detail about something she's already told me 20 times. I also try to call her while doing something else. I don't know why these pp's are going on about how we should be more empathetic (makes me want to get the ironing done while I read the same response over and over here- ha!) Of course we love and care for our Moms, that's why we continue to call and check in daily. We're just commiserating here on DCUM.
What do you iron, truly?
Anonymous
04/10/2022 16:57
Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is part of aging, OP.
SHE'S IN HER 50S. NOT OLD. Conversation here is not weird or unusual
She's not in her 50s. She's in her 70s. Some random person she knows from church who I never met is in her 50s.
I am asking here because I want to be more patient and loving. I often do call when I'm folding laundry or doing something else. If I'm doing dishes I put the phone on mute so the plates clanging is not disruptive, and someone's it's literally 15 minutes before I need to unmute to add anything. She doesn't seem to listen if I try to share anything, or interrupts quickly to go back to get monologue.
I appreciate people reminding me to be kinder and appreciative. I'm trying and feel it in my heart. I guess I'm wondering, "how" to live it better? I ask questions about family history but those are passed over quickly to conversations about people I don't know or a recitation of every single organization that sent mail soliciting donations this year, that she's saved in a shoebox. Is this dementia? We have an in person visit coming up, and as a quiet introverted person, I need tips on how best to be a kind supportive daughter. Thanks for those who understood. That helps.
70s isn't old either. Sorry. She isn't Hilary Clinton or Elizabeth Warren with political careers if that'swhat you are going for, but even they talk to their kids about. Sometimes the day to day sounds like this and your Mom talks to you like this because you don't provide any connection to her with your life: your friends, your kids, your hobbies. I'm 66. My daughter age 40 and I chat about:
Decorating, we share IG pages
Her friends getting on Xanax or anti depressants, and who's coming off ( lol), who is in therapy and who needs to be. ( I'm adding you to this list...)
Everyone's kids and inlaws
Our family
Deaths and divorces
Articles of interest
Both of our weird and great neighbors
Parties we are invited to
Her work drama
My weird friends and who went gray, what trips they are going on, blah blah blah
Our dogs
Food, lots of food.
Yes, our laundry!
My dad (mid-70s) and I were just talking this morning about age/work. He asked me to name someone in real life that was fully engaged in the professional workforce after 75. He thinks the politicians give a false impression of what's happening to a lot of people. Both my parents are mid-70s and there has been a huge decline in the last 10 years. If OP didn't have this problem with her mother 10 years ago, then no, I don't think this is about OP's conversational skills. Count yourself fortunate that you haven't seen this decline many of us have.
Work is not life. Why have your parents declined? This is an American paradigm about working. There is more to life than work. 75 is not presumed to be a time of cognitive loss.
Yes, I agree there is more to life than work; my comment was a reaction to people holding up Clinton/Warren/Biden as the average functioning person for their age. I was also responding to the poster who is 66. Is that you? Do you really think there is no meaningful difference between 66 and 76?
No, there isn't....cognitively. There is a cultural generational gap there, music, work experience, technology for some, interests maybe, but no, the cognitive level does not take a nose dive at 70. I socialize with a large age range in many civic and political groups, ages range from about 55 to 80. No, a 75 year old isn't on the brink of dementia. Sorry.
Anonymous
04/10/2022 16:49
Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is part of aging, OP.
SHE'S IN HER 50S. NOT OLD. Conversation here is not weird or unusual
She's not in her 50s. She's in her 70s. Some random person she knows from church who I never met is in her 50s.
I am asking here because I want to be more patient and loving. I often do call when I'm folding laundry or doing something else. If I'm doing dishes I put the phone on mute so the plates clanging is not disruptive, and someone's it's literally 15 minutes before I need to unmute to add anything. She doesn't seem to listen if I try to share anything, or interrupts quickly to go back to get monologue.
I appreciate people reminding me to be kinder and appreciative. I'm trying and feel it in my heart. I guess I'm wondering, "how" to live it better? I ask questions about family history but those are passed over quickly to conversations about people I don't know or a recitation of every single organization that sent mail soliciting donations this year, that she's saved in a shoebox. Is this dementia? We have an in person visit coming up, and as a quiet introverted person, I need tips on how best to be a kind supportive daughter. Thanks for those who understood. That helps.
70s isn't old either. Sorry. She isn't Hilary Clinton or Elizabeth Warren with political careers if that'swhat you are going for, but even they talk to their kids about. Sometimes the day to day sounds like this and your Mom talks to you like this because you don't provide any connection to her with your life: your friends, your kids, your hobbies. I'm 66. My daughter age 40 and I chat about:
Decorating, we share IG pages
Her friends getting on Xanax or anti depressants, and who's coming off ( lol), who is in therapy and who needs to be. ( I'm adding you to this list...)
Everyone's kids and inlaws
Our family
Deaths and divorces
Articles of interest
Both of our weird and great neighbors
Parties we are invited to
Her work drama
My weird friends and who went gray, what trips they are going on, blah blah blah
Our dogs
Food, lots of food.
Yes, our laundry!
My dad (mid-70s) and I were just talking this morning about age/work. He asked me to name someone in real life that was fully engaged in the professional workforce after 75. He thinks the politicians give a false impression of what's happening to a lot of people. Both my parents are mid-70s and there has been a huge decline in the last 10 years. If OP didn't have this problem with her mother 10 years ago, then no, I don't think this is about OP's conversational skills. Count yourself fortunate that you haven't seen this decline many of us have.
Work is not life. Why have your parents declined? This is an American paradigm about working. There is more to life than work. 75 is not presumed to be a time of cognitive loss.
Yes, I agree there is more to life than work; my comment was a reaction to people holding up Clinton/Warren/Biden as the average functioning person for their age. I was also responding to the poster who is 66. Is that you? Do you really think there is no meaningful difference between 66 and 76?
Anonymous
04/10/2022 16:22
Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
OP, just like with our children (or anyone, really) you listen nicely not because it's interesting but because doing so is an investment in your relationship. This is what I remind myself when my kids or parents or friends are droning on about something I don't really care about. And it's what they do when I'm going on about something dear to me.
Anonymous
04/10/2022 15:57
Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is part of aging, OP.
SHE'S IN HER 50S. NOT OLD. Conversation here is not weird or unusual
She's not in her 50s. She's in her 70s. Some random person she knows from church who I never met is in her 50s.
I am asking here because I want to be more patient and loving. I often do call when I'm folding laundry or doing something else. If I'm doing dishes I put the phone on mute so the plates clanging is not disruptive, and someone's it's literally 15 minutes before I need to unmute to add anything. She doesn't seem to listen if I try to share anything, or interrupts quickly to go back to get monologue.
I appreciate people reminding me to be kinder and appreciative. I'm trying and feel it in my heart. I guess I'm wondering, "how" to live it better? I ask questions about family history but those are passed over quickly to conversations about people I don't know or a recitation of every single organization that sent mail soliciting donations this year, that she's saved in a shoebox. Is this dementia? We have an in person visit coming up, and as a quiet introverted person, I need tips on how best to be a kind supportive daughter. Thanks for those who understood. That helps.
70s isn't old either. Sorry. She isn't Hilary Clinton or Elizabeth Warren with political careers if that'swhat you are going for, but even they talk to their kids about. Sometimes the day to day sounds like this and your Mom talks to you like this because you don't provide any connection to her with your life: your friends, your kids, your hobbies. I'm 66. My daughter age 40 and I chat about:
Decorating, we share IG pages
Her friends getting on Xanax or anti depressants, and who's coming off ( lol), who is in therapy and who needs to be. ( I'm adding you to this list...)
Everyone's kids and inlaws
Our family
Deaths and divorces
Articles of interest
Both of our weird and great neighbors
Parties we are invited to
Her work drama
My weird friends and who went gray, what trips they are going on, blah blah blah
Our dogs
Food, lots of food.
Yes, our laundry!
My dad (mid-70s) and I were just talking this morning about age/work. He asked me to name someone in real life that was fully engaged in the professional workforce after 75. He thinks the politicians give a false impression of what's happening to a lot of people. Both my parents are mid-70s and there has been a huge decline in the last 10 years. If OP didn't have this problem with her mother 10 years ago, then no, I don't think this is about OP's conversational skills. Count yourself fortunate that you haven't seen this decline many of us have.
Work is not life. Why have your parents declined? This is an American paradigm about working. There is more to life than work. 75 is not presumed to be a time of cognitive loss.
Anonymous
04/10/2022 15:12
Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
OP, reassure your Mom whenever you can that she is interesting. She is an interesting person. She leads an interesting (enough) life. She's reaching. She's reaching for things to talk about. She's afraid she has nothing to talk about. She's just parroting what's going on around her.
Anonymous
04/10/2022 15:07
Subject: It's there a less ride easy to tell my mom
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is part of aging, OP.
SHE'S IN HER 50S. NOT OLD. Conversation here is not weird or unusual
She's not in her 50s. She's in her 70s. Some random person she knows from church who I never met is in her 50s.
I am asking here because I want to be more patient and loving. I often do call when I'm folding laundry or doing something else. If I'm doing dishes I put the phone on mute so the plates clanging is not disruptive, and someone's it's literally 15 minutes before I need to unmute to add anything. She doesn't seem to listen if I try to share anything, or interrupts quickly to go back to get monologue.
I appreciate people reminding me to be kinder and appreciative. I'm trying and feel it in my heart. I guess I'm wondering, "how" to live it better? I ask questions about family history but those are passed over quickly to conversations about people I don't know or a recitation of every single organization that sent mail soliciting donations this year, that she's saved in a shoebox. Is this dementia? We have an in person visit coming up, and as a quiet introverted person, I need tips on how best to be a kind supportive daughter. Thanks for those who understood. That helps.
70s isn't old either. Sorry. She isn't Hilary Clinton or Elizabeth Warren with political careers if that'swhat you are going for, but even they talk to their kids about. Sometimes the day to day sounds like this and your Mom talks to you like this because you don't provide any connection to her with your life: your friends, your kids, your hobbies. I'm 66. My daughter age 40 and I chat about:
Decorating, we share IG pages
Her friends getting on Xanax or anti depressants, and who's coming off ( lol), who is in therapy and who needs to be. ( I'm adding you to this list...)
Everyone's kids and inlaws
Our family
Deaths and divorces
Articles of interest
Both of our weird and great neighbors
Parties we are invited to
Her work drama
My weird friends and who went gray, what trips they are going on, blah blah blah
Our dogs
Food, lots of food.
Yes, our laundry!
My dad (mid-70s) and I were just talking this morning about age/work. He asked me to name someone in real life that was fully engaged in the professional workforce after 75. He thinks the politicians give a false impression of what's happening to a lot of people. Both my parents are mid-70s and there has been a huge decline in the last 10 years. If OP didn't have this problem with her mother 10 years ago, then no, I don't think this is about OP's conversational skills. Count yourself fortunate that you haven't seen this decline many of us have.