Anonymous
Post 04/04/2022 11:25     Subject: Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:My mother had a stroke, precovid, in her late 60s. I drove up to be with her, but then my local brother did not and went to work. (I'm the breadwinner in my mom and have two children at home). Guess what? I totally understood! I was there! He would have additional duties once I left.

I agree that it is important to have someone in the hospital with a patient who has suffered a brain injury. But those rooms are crowded, I don't think it's very beneficial to have everyone sitting around burning leave to hold vigil in the ICU. We had a 2 person limit, precovid. Many stroke patients need assistance and time after the hospital stay, and it's good to make people are thinking of that time period too.


I wouldn't at all expect my BIL to visit if something happened - and he's a doctor! Nor vice versa. We are all several states away, I'd expect that whoever was closest would take the first round keep everyone posted, and depending on how it went, if it seemed like a turn for the worst, or a discharge home with help required, then we'd talk about what's needed.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2022 11:23     Subject: Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:You are reading too much into this. I’m the distant relative and when my dad had his first stroke, I took the wait and see approach. When he had the second, I was in the hospital for 4 days and nights relieving my brothers, and was there every week after that. What good would it have done for me to rush down and all of us be exhausted? They handled it and then tapped me in so they could attend to their work and families. Then I left and did the same.. Parental health issues are a marathon, not a sprint. The best case scenarios have people working as a team and not keeping score of who is where at what time.

I hope her stroke is mild. Prognosis for these things is generally wait-and-see as the full scope can only be known over time. Don’t burn yourself out, or burn bridges, so soon. It could be a long road.


+1 to this.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2022 10:42     Subject: Re:Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your MIL is 91 and you have 3 young children? Are you young enough to be your husband’s child?


I was wondering that too, but then OP revealed in a follow-up post that she has a 16-year-old. Which is not a "young child", but of course, she could have an infant and toddler at home as well. How old is the husband/son of the 91-year-old?


He might be 50 and she might be 40 and still able to have very young children. What’s wrong with you people and your judgment?
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2022 10:36     Subject: Re:Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Your MIL is 91 and you have 3 young children? Are you young enough to be your husband’s child?


I was wondering that too, but then OP revealed in a follow-up post that she has a 16-year-old. Which is not a "young child", but of course, she could have an infant and toddler at home as well. How old is the husband/son of the 91-year-old?


In context, she's referring to children living at home vs. the BIL who has a child living on his own quite a distance from where BIL lives.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2022 09:56     Subject: Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
My mother had a stroke, precovid, in her late 60s. I drove up to be with her, but then my local brother did not and went to work. (I'm the breadwinner in my mom and have two children at home). Guess what? I totally understood! I was there! He would have additional duties once I left.

I agree that it is important to have someone in the hospital with a patient who has suffered a brain injury. But those rooms are crowded, I don't think it's very beneficial to have everyone sitting around burning leave to hold vigil in the ICU. We had a 2 person limit, precovid. Many stroke patients need assistance and time after the hospital stay, and it's good to make people are thinking of that time period too.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2022 03:20     Subject: Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
You are reading too much into this. I’m the distant relative and when my dad had his first stroke, I took the wait and see approach. When he had the second, I was in the hospital for 4 days and nights relieving my brothers, and was there every week after that. What good would it have done for me to rush down and all of us be exhausted? They handled it and then tapped me in so they could attend to their work and families. Then I left and did the same.. Parental health issues are a marathon, not a sprint. The best case scenarios have people working as a team and not keeping score of who is where at what time.

I hope her stroke is mild. Prognosis for these things is generally wait-and-see as the full scope can only be known over time. Don’t burn yourself out, or burn bridges, so soon. It could be a long road.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2022 03:14     Subject: Re:Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:OP here- so for all of you - I’m literally sitting in room with my MIL in sweats spending tonite. And my 16 year old son is right next to me- although he’s going home. So no idea what you have heard, but I’m sitting here in a hospital with pillow behind my back spending night. The only thing they asked is if I minded lights will be on most of Eve ring and they do 2 hour checks on MIl. Room is large and my “bed” is wooden leather recliner that lies flat when you push.
They have an extra pillow and blankets.
They didn’t even ask or mention rules- just asked me if I needed anything.
So not sure what to tel you all.
As for relationship- the brother and mother have great relationship and he’s been great son. And they are visiting his son who is great kid- engaged and we spend a good bit of time with that son- so all the “you don’t knows” are BS. I know all of thats
But I do agree each person has to decide for themselves if they want to be with aging parents in hospital at medical emergency or not. So I’ll let him (them with his wife) make their own decisions. I do agree if we need help to state it clearly- but I’ll leave that up to my husband- and finally I do think a family member should cut the thousand excuses and come for first emergency like this.
However I can now see that at least among lay these posters, most wouldn’t take the time.


So all you wanted was for people to coddle you and tell you how right and how affronted you are. Well, you should have said that upfront and saved people a bunch of time.
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2022 03:13     Subject: Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP—you still haven’t answered the question about your spouse spending the night in the ICU. What hospital allows someone to spend the night in an ICU? Makes me wonder if this isn’t a troll post.


I’ve been on these boards for 10 years and never have I ever questioned a single post as “troll”- and it’s total moron who would assume such. I would love to see the idiot who reads posts about a 9@ year old having a stroke as a made up post… I mean, I assume a troll is someone making up a post/ but who makes up a non eventful post- like “ my 14 year old got in a tiff with her friend- is this normal 14 year old behavior”—- then idiot posts “it’s a troll. WTF! How interesting would it be to make up that boring of a post ????
Just shows that even those brain dead can still type.
Because in your small provincial piece of the east coast, a situation isn’t what you experienced means a troll. Whatever!


People make up incredibly specific, banal scenarios on DCUM all the time. The moderator on the Website Feedback board confirms them.

Sorry you lack imagination. “Whatever!”
Anonymous
Post 04/04/2022 03:10     Subject: Re:Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:Your MIL is 91 and you have 3 young children? Are you young enough to be your husband’s child?


I was wondering that too, but then OP revealed in a follow-up post that she has a 16-year-old. Which is not a "young child", but of course, she could have an infant and toddler at home as well. How old is the husband/son of the 91-year-old?
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2022 23:05     Subject: Re:Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Your MIL is 91 and you have 3 young children? Are you young enough to be your husband’s child?
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2022 23:01     Subject: Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP—you still haven’t answered the question about your spouse spending the night in the ICU. What hospital allows someone to spend the night in an ICU? Makes me wonder if this isn’t a troll post.


I’ve been on these boards for 10 years and never have I ever questioned a single post as “troll”- and it’s total moron who would assume such. I would love to see the idiot who reads posts about a 9@ year old having a stroke as a made up post… I mean, I assume a troll is someone making up a post/ but who makes up a non eventful post- like “ my 14 year old got in a tiff with her friend- is this normal 14 year old behavior”—- then idiot posts “it’s a troll. WTF! How interesting would it be to make up that boring of a post ????
Just shows that even those brain dead can still type.
Because in your small provincial piece of the east coast, a situation isn’t what you experienced means a troll. Whatever!


When my dad had a stroke I stayed with him all night. He was admitted at about 1 in the afternoon after showing up for a doctor's appointment and someone realizing he had just had a stroke. Anyway, I got to the hospital within 30 minutes and stayed with him for the next 30 hours or so.


You can't stay with someone in the ICU...

And they have three "young" kids, but Grandma is in her 90s. I guess this could be the second family.


What is wrong with you? Here's a hospital I Googled that allows overnight ICU visitors: https://www.cedars-sinai.org/covid-19/preparing-your-visit/visitor-policy-updates.html "Intensive Care Units: Two visitors per day, 10 a.m.-8 p.m. One overnight visitor allowed if the visitor is registered, onsite and with the patient before 8 p.m."

Not OP
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2022 21:27     Subject: Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP—you still haven’t answered the question about your spouse spending the night in the ICU. What hospital allows someone to spend the night in an ICU? Makes me wonder if this isn’t a troll post.


I’ve been on these boards for 10 years and never have I ever questioned a single post as “troll”- and it’s total moron who would assume such. I would love to see the idiot who reads posts about a 9@ year old having a stroke as a made up post… I mean, I assume a troll is someone making up a post/ but who makes up a non eventful post- like “ my 14 year old got in a tiff with her friend- is this normal 14 year old behavior”—- then idiot posts “it’s a troll. WTF! How interesting would it be to make up that boring of a post ????
Just shows that even those brain dead can still type.
Because in your small provincial piece of the east coast, a situation isn’t what you experienced means a troll. Whatever!


When my dad had a stroke I stayed with him all night. He was admitted at about 1 in the afternoon after showing up for a doctor's appointment and someone realizing he had just had a stroke. Anyway, I got to the hospital within 30 minutes and stayed with him for the next 30 hours or so.


You can't stay with someone in the ICU...

And they have three "young" kids, but Grandma is in her 90s. I guess this could be the second family.
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2022 21:08     Subject: Re:Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:Your OP reeks with judgement, superiority and hysteria. As PPs have said, you have no idea what the relationship is between your MIL and your BIL. It's not your business. Your MIL is in the ICU. She's being cared for. Whether he is absent or present, nothing he can do will change the outcome. Any decisions that need to be made regarding where she goes after the hospital stay can be done via Zoom. It's not as if she hasn't already been in an assisted living residence. You do what you feel you need to do and your BIL will do what he feels he needs to do. Haven't you learned at your age that just because people handle things differently than you do doesn't mean they're wrong or that your way is better.


+1
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2022 20:30     Subject: Re:Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Families are so different.

My nephew was born at 28 weeks, on oxygen. My sister had preeclampsia. Her retired in-laws were on vacation for six weeks in Florida and didn’t come back.

People in hospitals need advocates. When my parents in their 80s are in hospital, we three kids stay over night when allowed. Nurses are so over worked!
Anonymous
Post 04/03/2022 20:23     Subject: Parent has stroke and sibling doesn’t come up
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP—you still haven’t answered the question about your spouse spending the night in the ICU. What hospital allows someone to spend the night in an ICU? Makes me wonder if this isn’t a troll post.


I’ve been on these boards for 10 years and never have I ever questioned a single post as “troll”- and it’s total moron who would assume such. I would love to see the idiot who reads posts about a 9@ year old having a stroke as a made up post… I mean, I assume a troll is someone making up a post/ but who makes up a non eventful post- like “ my 14 year old got in a tiff with her friend- is this normal 14 year old behavior”—- then idiot posts “it’s a troll. WTF! How interesting would it be to make up that boring of a post ????
Just shows that even those brain dead can still type.
Because in your small provincial piece of the east coast, a situation isn’t what you experienced means a troll. Whatever!


When my dad had a stroke I stayed with him all night. He was admitted at about 1 in the afternoon after showing up for a doctor's appointment and someone realizing he had just had a stroke. Anyway, I got to the hospital within 30 minutes and stayed with him for the next 30 hours or so.