My husbands aunt. Been married to her second husband for 40 years. The nicest guy.

Anonymous wrote:I think second marriages can work. But only if the woman (especially if she has kids) doesn’t go through mid-life crisis after divorce and make it her goal to get married as soon as possible. Lots of women come out of a divorce with a huge knock to their self esteem. It is at an all time low and online dating (and then actual) dating feeds that validation need. Que recipe for disaster.

Take your time post divorce to be with your kids and stabilize your life and self worth. Find new hobbies, be happy alone with your kids for a while.

+100

Anonymous wrote:I think second marriages can work. But only if the woman (especially if she has kids) doesn’t go through mid-life crisis after divorce and make it her goal to get married as soon as possible. Lots of women come out of a divorce with a huge knock to their self esteem. It is at an all time low and online dating (and then actual) dating feeds that validation need. Que recipe for disaster. [b]

Take your time post divorce to be with your kids and stabilize your life and self worth. Find new hobbies, be happy alone with your kids for a while.

A lot of these women go through their midlife crisis DURING marriage which is the reason for the divorce. That OLD is during their marriage to segue their exit.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would venture to guess that most of these successful second marriages didn't have prior contentious divorces (due to abuse or infidelity), too.

Wrong. I was in an abusive relationship and was cheated on. As toxic as you can get. Nasty, years-long divorce and custody battles.

I spent YEARS single, really single, and in therapy, and was in a great spot by any measure when I met my second husband. We have a very peaceful, loving, happy home life.

This is great to hear.

I think second marriages can work. But only if the woman (especially if she has kids) doesn’t go through mid-life crisis after divorce and make it her goal to get married as soon as possible. Lots of women come out of a divorce with a huge knock to their self esteem. It is at an all time low and online dating (and then actual) dating feeds that validation need. Que recipe for disaster.

Take your time post divorce to be with your kids and stabilize your life and self worth. Find new hobbies, be happy alone with your kids for a while.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is my second, Her third. Our previous marriages were when we were young and didn’t really know what to look for in a marriage partner.

We're similar yet completely different. We're four years apart almost to the day. We both have no children from previous marriages. She's from a large family 1 of 5 girls in a family of six siblings, and I'm the youngest of 2. We have plenty of nieces and nephews to fawn over (in hopes they'll change our diapers when we're 90 years old). She's well educated with two under graduate and two masters degrees and I a trade school education. Our HHI was over $250K, each earning about $125k apiece plus bonus.

My wife and career allowed me to retire at age 50, and do my own thing. She continues to WFM full-time. Her job has great healthcare benefits. We moved out of Maryland to the Carolina's for quality of life, small town living. Its been a blessing, we downsized into beautiful home on an acre, far greater than the postage stamp sized lot we had in Maryland. Our HHI is much the same except I work 12-15hrs a week at my sidehustle, and she continues to WFM or mobile from boat or RV depending on cell service. Our mortgage is less than a car payment these days. Our change of lifestyle allows us to travel internationally, travel to visit friends and family in Maryland. We're living life as many wish they could. We are happy with our marriage, our friends near and far, and our decisions to move from the rat race.

Friendship is as important as love in a relationship. Supporting and encouraging each other is essential. Are we each others dream spouse - heck no!! Are we tanned and toned, nope!! Are we happy together, you bet we are! We prefer to sleep in a queen sized bed - why you might ask - 'cause we enjoy to be close to one another!! Its who we are. We don't have fancy trucks or cars, Rolexes or diamonds, we live a comfortable life, and have a few nice toys. We aren't flashy but we aren't slobs either. We could stand to lose 50 lbs apiece and join a gym. Vanity was something we both thought was important in our earlier marriages.

Second marriages can be great, but they take work!!!

A woman or man carrying 50 extra pounds is not 'vanity', that is a serious health issue. If my healthy range of weight is 125-135 and I weigh 175-185 I am setting myself up for some serious health issues from it--cancer risk goes up, diabetes risk, cholesterol, heart issues, joint problems, decreased mobility in later life.

Anonymous wrote:Marriage is my second, Her third. Our previous marriages were when we were young and didn’t really know what to look for in a marriage partner.

We're similar yet completely different. We're four years apart almost to the day. We both have no children from previous marriages. She's from a large family 1 of 5 girls in a family of six siblings, and I'm the youngest of 2. We have plenty of nieces and nephews to fawn over (in hopes they'll change our diapers when we're 90 years old). She's well educated with two under graduate and two masters degrees and I a trade school education. Our HHI was over $250K, each earning about $125k apiece plus bonus.

My wife and career allowed me to retire at age 50, and do my own thing. She continues to WFM full-time. Her job has great healthcare benefits. We moved out of Maryland to the Carolina's for quality of life, small town living. Its been a blessing, we downsized into beautiful home on an acre, far greater than the postage stamp sized lot we had in Maryland. Our HHI is much the same except I work 12-15hrs a week at my sidehustle, and she continues to WFM or mobile from boat or RV depending on cell service. Our mortgage is less than a car payment these days. Our change of lifestyle allows us to travel internationally, travel to visit friends and family in Maryland. We're living life as many wish they could. We are happy with our marriage, our friends near and far, and our decisions to move from the rat race.

Friendship is as important as love in a relationship. Supporting and encouraging each other is essential. Are we each others dream spouse - heck no!! Are we tanned and toned, nope!! Are we happy together, you bet we are! We prefer to sleep in a queen sized bed - why you might ask - 'cause we enjoy to be close to one another!! Its who we are. We don't have fancy trucks or cars, Rolexes or diamonds, we live a comfortable life, and have a few nice toys. We aren't flashy but we aren't slobs either. We could stand to lose 50 lbs apiece and join a gym. Vanity was something we both thought was important in our earlier marriages.

Second marriages can be great, but they take work!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would venture to guess that most of these successful second marriages didn't have prior contentious divorces (due to abuse or infidelity), too.

Wrong. I was in an abusive relationship and was cheated on. As toxic as you can get. Nasty, years-long divorce and custody battles.

I spent YEARS single, really single, and in therapy, and was in a great spot by any measure when I met my second husband. We have a very peaceful, loving, happy home life.

You weren't the cheater. I'm fairly certain pp is referring to the cheater's 2nd marriage- not the betrayed one's.

+1 and I agree getting over betrayal in a marriage takes YEARS.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would venture to guess that most of these successful second marriages didn't have prior contentious divorces (due to abuse or infidelity), too.

Wrong. I was in an abusive relationship and was cheated on. As toxic as you can get. Nasty, years-long divorce and custody battles.

I spent YEARS single, really single, and in therapy, and was in a great spot by any measure when I met my second husband. We have a very peaceful, loving, happy home life.

You weren't the cheater. I'm fairly certain pp is referring to the cheater's 2nd marriage- not the betrayed one's.

Anonymous wrote:I would venture to guess that most of these successful second marriages didn't have prior contentious divorces (due to abuse or infidelity), too.

Wrong. I was in an abusive relationship and was cheated on. As toxic as you can get. Nasty, years-long divorce and custody battles.

I spent YEARS single, really single, and in therapy, and was in a great spot by any measure when I met my second husband. We have a very peaceful, loving, happy home life.