Unless it’s a marriage of minors in India or Saudia, adults who get married should pay for their own party.

I think some of you are overblowing how big of a dent 10k makes in a down payment

photographer, florist, musicians, seamstress, caterer, waitstaff
every decision *could* be a local small business

It supports small business. In most cases, you're supporting small, local businesses. That's largely what the wedding industry is. Don't spend if you don't have the money. I use my money in ways I feel good about. During the pandemic I was writing checks for an event (wedding) which I hasn't even sure could happen. I made peace with it. Decided if I lost the money, I'd just have to think of it as charity, keeping a business/their employees afloat.

Anonymous wrote:👀Weddings are waste of money and display of vanity. Everyone with common sense and humility should stand against extravagant weddings, even if someone else wants to pay.

As much as driving a high end car or sending your kids to a top private school or university. Or luxury vacations and fancy McMansions, purses, shoes, etc. if someone has the money (no debt, not taking from retirement, drop in a bucket to their net worth), then why judge. Personally, I will be spending $30-40k on my DD’s wedding because she got a large merit scholarship at an in-state school, graduated early due to AP credits (saving us a year of tuition), and we have lots of savings on a mid-6 figures income. Celebrating such an important milestone with family and friends is important to me and I don’t mind spending money I have on it. On a daily basis, I rarely go out to eat, take-out, or even take high end vacations. Different people have different values on how to spend. There are worse things than paying for a big party your closest friends and family can enjoy.

If you have the money, it's not a "ridiculous expense". It's a life event. It brings people together. It makes memories. It's much better to spend money on experiences.

25K, that's what we took out of the bank for DD recently. 90 people Sat. night Dinner/DJ. in the NE. There were other expenses along the way but paid out of pocket and didn't particularly feel them.

I’d say 45-60k range would be “typical”. How you split that up depends entirely on your family dynamic. How much can bride and groom cover? Are there aunts or extended families that want to cover specific items like the dress or flowers? Etc

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much money are you willing to spend on your children’s weddings?

I had a big wedding with all the trimmings and it cost my parents $10,000. So, $10,000 for a dress worn only once, a 5-hour party--mainly friends of parents--what a total waste of money! I have told all three children, two sons and one daughter, that big weddings are ridiculous and to use that money to save to buy a house. I will give each $10,000 and if they are smart they will have a tiny wedding and save for good down payment for a house. We are paying for their bachelor's degree but graduate degrees they are responsible.

You got $10k way back when that paid for a big wedding and you’re giving each kid $10k in today’s dollars? Yikes!

Same thought here. I don't know when or where that pp got married, but in DC or any major city, $10,000 will definitely not get you a "big wedding with all the trimmings." 15 years ago in southern CA my SIL spent $10,000 just on her dress and veil!

Your SIL is a fool.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much money are you willing to spend on your children’s weddings?

I had a big wedding with all the trimmings and it cost my parents $10,000. So, $10,000 for a dress worn only once, a 5-hour party--mainly friends of parents--what a total waste of money! I have told all three children, two sons and one daughter, that big weddings are ridiculous and to use that money to save to buy a house. I will give each $10,000 and if they are smart they will have a tiny wedding and save for good down payment for a house. We are paying for their bachelor's degree but graduate degrees they are responsible.

Hopefully for your kids sake you’re more realistic about today’s college costs than you are about weddings

We paid for their BA/BS degrees and it was a lot more than $10,000. The $10,000 will be their wedding gift and if they are fools then they can spend it on a 5-,hour party. In any case, the bride's parents can pay for weddings to my sons. For my daughter, she gets the same $10,000 to spend as she wishes. On the other hand, I would mortgage the house for a serious medical condiion. Big weddings are riduculous unless you're British royalty.

WHAT? WHY WOULD BRIDE’S PRENTS PAY FOR THE WEDDINGS?

Traditionally, in this country, the bride, or her parents, pay for wedding. Groom's parents pay for dinner night before wedding. In this day and age when couples are much older and have been working for years, plus living together, they should pay for their own wedding.

60,000 in 2002

Many physicians and businessmen in my circle pay for their kids weddings. They think this is the time to help, leaving inheritance wouldn’t be as appropriated.

Most parents are near retirement or retired by the time kids get married. There is only so much they can do and wedding expenses aren’t like college tuition or surgery co-payment, they are an unnecessary expense. If a couple of adults can’t afford to spend, they shouldn’t. As simple as that. Do you really think today’s kids or DIL/SIL will support parents if needed.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much money are you willing to spend on your children’s weddings?

I had a big wedding with all the trimmings and it cost my parents $10,000. So, $10,000 for a dress worn only once, a 5-hour party--mainly friends of parents--what a total waste of money! I have told all three children, two sons and one daughter, that big weddings are ridiculous and to use that money to save to buy a house. I will give each $10,000 and if they are smart they will have a tiny wedding and save for good down payment for a house. We are paying for their bachelor's degree but graduate degrees they are responsible.

You got $10k way back when that paid for a big wedding and you’re giving each kid $10k in today’s dollars? Yikes!

Same thought here. I don't know when or where that pp got married, but in DC or any major city, $10,000 will definitely not get you a "big wedding with all the trimmings." 15 years ago in southern CA my SIL spent $10,000 just on her dress and veil!

Still the parents should pay a portion, and so should the other set of parents. And the couple as well...especially if they want all that! Some people are so entitled it's sickening.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I plan on giving my kids either a house downpayment or a wedding. I hope they choose downpayment help. Likely 50k, but it might be more by the time my kids are old enough to marry.

I also think in the future that both sides should split wedding funding. I plan on giving my son money and I hope my daughters marry men whose parents feel the same. I always thought it was sexist that people only pay for women's weddings. When my grandma was young, men got college paid for and women got weddings. My grandma was upset about how she couldn't go to college her entire life.

Sort of ironic the sexism is obvious to you but your classism isn’t. My parents could never have given me $50k when I married. I suppose that would have made me a disappointing spouse to your kids to you.

Agree. I have sons, and there is no way we can afford to give each one $50,000 when they get married.

My parents paid for my wedding (about $15,000 in the mid 90s) and that was their total wedding gift to us. Dh's parents contributed about half of the rehersal dinner ($500) and gave us a set of pots and pans (not the ones we registered for--something MIL saw on QVC for $100.)

My parents paid for approx. half of one of my brother's weddings (way more than my wedding,) but the other brother didn't pay for anything because he married overseas--basically just a matter of going to a government office and signing paper work.