Anonymous
03/06/2022 12:22
Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
I had multiple baby showers for my second baby. You’re WAY overthinking this.
I had multiple showers because I’m in multiple groups - H’s family, my family/friends, work, etc. I didn’t ask for any of them, I just know a lot of people who like to throw parties. I’d never expect anyone to attend all of them, but I did invite people I was close with to multiple showers since I didn’t want them to feel excluded. Didn’t care how many they went to.
I had a variety of price points on my registry because some people like to buy more expensive things. When I tried to downplay what we needed because I didn’t want people spending money, I still got pressured to let them know what expensive things we needed, so I included them. Otherwise people started buying me $500+ gift cards, figured I may as well tell them what I needed. I don’t care what people buy me, or if they buy me anything at all. And I certainly didn’t expect anyone to buy me 4 gifts.
As for the car seat, I wouldn’t use a used car seat, either. Many of them expire within 5 or 6 years, so if it’s already been used for a few years there’s a good chance it would expire while I was still using it. Makes way more sense to just get a new one.
I dunno, I know some people are gift-grabby, but I get so tired of women being labeled as tacky/selfish/money hungry when a lot of the time we’re pressured into the showers and gifts. I was totally fine with no showers or gifts, but my friends and family all really wanted to celebrate and help out. Even my coworkers, when I told them not to do anything, held a surprise shower and got me things like diapers, wipes, and gift cards.
I had multiple showers because I’m in multiple groups - H’s family, my family/friends, work, etc. I didn’t ask for any of them, I just know a lot of people who like to throw parties. I’d never expect anyone to attend all of them, but I did invite people I was close with to multiple showers since I didn’t want them to feel excluded. Didn’t care how many they went to.
I had a variety of price points on my registry because some people like to buy more expensive things. When I tried to downplay what we needed because I didn’t want people spending money, I still got pressured to let them know what expensive things we needed, so I included them. Otherwise people started buying me $500+ gift cards, figured I may as well tell them what I needed. I don’t care what people buy me, or if they buy me anything at all. And I certainly didn’t expect anyone to buy me 4 gifts.
As for the car seat, I wouldn’t use a used car seat, either. Many of them expire within 5 or 6 years, so if it’s already been used for a few years there’s a good chance it would expire while I was still using it. Makes way more sense to just get a new one.
I dunno, I know some people are gift-grabby, but I get so tired of women being labeled as tacky/selfish/money hungry when a lot of the time we’re pressured into the showers and gifts. I was totally fine with no showers or gifts, but my friends and family all really wanted to celebrate and help out. Even my coworkers, when I told them not to do anything, held a surprise shower and got me things like diapers, wipes, and gift cards.
Anonymous
03/06/2022 11:55
Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Get one gift. Or not. Or whatever. Here’s what: an invitation is not a summons; an invitation to a gift-centric event still doesn’t actually mean you have to give a gift to attend.
Do or don’t do. But you don’t get to judge.
Do or don’t do. But you don’t get to judge.
Anonymous
03/06/2022 11:53
Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Anonymous wrote:SIL is pregnant with #2. For a variety of reasons, she got rid of all her baby stuff from #1. She says she didn't have room to store it all (understandable) but having known her for the better part of 20 years, I also know that she is bit materialistic and likes "all new."
For baby #1, I hosted her a baby shower and helped make sure she got all the necessary big ticket items that she wanted. She makes a comfortable income but for all of her showers or gift requests (wedding showers, baby shower and Christmas/birthday "lists") she asks for items that are outside the price point that she'd buy for herself. That's not my style but I've tried to accept that she and I do things differently. But this time, it's really bothering me. Especially because I've offered to pass along things (like carseat) from our 2nd. She claims it won't fit in one of their cars and they need a different one, that is significantly more $$$ than my Chicco that fit in the back of small sedan.
For baby #2 she is having several showers hosted by her husband's family and in different locations based on friend groups. I'm invited to all of them even tho they are several hours away (one of them being 4 hours away and I don't know anyone except her). Her registry again has some big ticket items that are higher than what she'd buy if she had to buy for herself.
I want to celebrate my future niece/nephew but all the showers feels like a total gift grab for big ticket items she won't buy herself. She knows we are able to buy nice gifts but I'm not feeling it. I also know she'll turn around and resell them in a few months when she's done (as opposed to donating, which I personally think you should do with items gifted to you). Years ago I bought her a high end purse for a milestone bday that she went on and on about wanting. She resold it within a year because "it was too heavy."
I'm venting the void of the unanimous internet and asking for permission to not attend the showers and only buy 1 gift (and possibly another for her child #1: for becoming a "big").
Admit it here. You don't like her. If you did than you wouldn't be so critical. Send a present and don't go if you can't. Just because you feel that someone should give items away doesn't make your way right. You really begrudge her for wanting a new car seat and selling your purse that you gave? Perhaps it was too heavy! Who cares!
Anonymous
03/06/2022 11:46
Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
baby shower with all new big ticket items for second baby are distasteful and a gift grab. if she couldn't store all of first baby's things, well, then, thats on her. buy them yourself.
gifts for second baby iMO are more like clothes if the baby is the other gender, new lovies, maybe new decor for opposite sex baby, not a full blown baby shower.
i would likely send an outfit, don't go, and call it a day.
gifts for second baby iMO are more like clothes if the baby is the other gender, new lovies, maybe new decor for opposite sex baby, not a full blown baby shower.
i would likely send an outfit, don't go, and call it a day.
Anonymous
03/06/2022 11:37
Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Anonymous wrote:Permission granted. Regardless of circumstances.
+1 permission granted. No need for long excuses to anyone about anything. Give a gift from the heart that you comfortable with, or don’t if you are comfortable with that as well.
Anonymous
03/06/2022 11:37
Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Anonymous wrote:Wow, every sentence of your post is dripping with your disdain. Why go at all if you hate her so much? Gross.
I think it’s pretty obvious why OP has disdain for her sister in this situation. She’s a materialistic taker. You sound like you can probably relate to that mentality.
Anonymous
03/06/2022 11:35
Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
NP- I have a lot of disdain for people who are like this-- especially the REselling of gifts. Who has that kind of time and wants to grub around like that. Just donate.
OP has a very good reason to look down her nose at this type of person. I would distance myself from her. You've done more than enough already.
I would wait until the baby is born, then send a MONOGRAMMED gift. It's thoughtful, elegant, less $$ if you choose well, and SIL from hell can't sell it.
OP has a very good reason to look down her nose at this type of person. I would distance myself from her. You've done more than enough already.
I would wait until the baby is born, then send a MONOGRAMMED gift. It's thoughtful, elegant, less $$ if you choose well, and SIL from hell can't sell it.
Anonymous
03/06/2022 11:30
Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Anonymous wrote:IMO it’s not worth the energy suck to hate on these people. How long did it take you just to write this out for instance? How long have you been stewing about this? Not being snarky, genuinely sincere based on people like this in my own life. It’s just not worth it. Shrug your shoulders and let it goooo.
Buy one big item that you take in person to the first shower then a couple smaller things for the additional showers that you don’t attend it person (like a really cute outfit).
So keep feeding the greed?
Anonymous
03/06/2022 11:26
Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Anonymous wrote:Wow, every sentence of your post is dripping with your disdain. Why go at all if you hate her so much? Gross.
Oh look. Greedy SIL is here. Gross.
Anonymous
03/06/2022 11:18
Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Your SIL sounds like an ahole, but so do you. You know the answer to this question. Of course you don’t need to buy MULTIPLE shower gifts. You don’t even need to buy one.
Anonymous
03/06/2022 11:01
Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Only the Kardashians have showers for baby 1,2, etc.
Anonymous
03/06/2022 11:00
Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
You don’t need to attend any showers unless you want to attend ONE. Buy ONE gift. You’re nice to think of a gift for your niece as well.
Anonymous
03/06/2022 10:52
Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Wow. You really seem to hate her. Gift accordingly.
Anonymous
03/06/2022 10:49
Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:we bought the Silver Cross Balmoral Pram because we didn’t feel comfortable asking friends for it.
They’re still judging you for spending $4500 for a stroller. Are you trying to be Kate Middleton? What a ridiculous waste of money that screams insecurity.
Pretentious and tacky.
What is she pretending to be?
Nevermind, I am going to answer my own question. SHe's pretending to be Kate MIddleton.
https://www.prima.co.uk/leisure/celebrity/a36603954/kate-middleton-pram/
Anonymous
03/06/2022 10:47
Subject: SIL having several baby showers for 2nd baby - am I supposed to send gifts to all of them?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Wow, every sentence of your post is dripping with your disdain. Why go at all if you hate her so much? Gross.
+1
Agree. Maybe SIL only needs certain items, which is fine, OP. Maybe a bunch of people can go in on one big item. It really doesn't have to be a big deal, OP. Really.
Buy what you want, chances are, your SIL really does not care about presents or a "gift grab" (sic) nearly as much as you.
When I hear/read the anti SIL sentiment, I wonder how threatened the OP really feels about the new woman in the family. So obvious.
It IS a social faux-pas to have several showers. Most wealthy nations don't even have this baby shower tradition. It is clearly a gift grab, but the first shower is tolerable and the others... not so much.
OP can be kind and buy something. But the SIL is pegged as materialistic, certainly.
Meh. I know someone (actually a couple moms) who had more than one baby shower. The showers were not planned by her, they were planned by her friends, another by her family, another by her coworkers - the groups wanted to throw the showers, and the showers were each a surprise. The new moms didn't need anything, but each put together a registry for anyone that wanted to participate.
OP, if you think SIL doesn't "need" anything, then don't buy anything. Get her a gift card to a nice baby store or something, or nothing......you sound bitter.
Yes, this happened to me, and after the first shower suggestion (my boss, couldn't refuse), I declined all others. And declined all others for my second baby. Baby showers are totally unnecessary.