Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have a slightly different perspective since my dad gave me a copy of his will in advance and I have given a copy of my will to my sibling and the person who would have custody of my kids. I did not look at my dad's will when he gave it to me (he was healthy at the time) and then when he died out of the blue there were questions the will raised that I wish I had asked. For example, he had some assets going into a trust, but he did not change the beneficiary of some of his accounts so that the beneficiary of the accounts was the trust. I knew to do that from my own will and so would have asked about it. I assume it was a mistake he did not do that but maybe it was on purpose. Now I'll never know because he died and I didnt read the will ahead of time and clarify it.

I just don't understand all the secrecy around money and wills - if he is giving all the money to his wife, wouldn't he want his kids to know that? They are going to find out at some point...

Yeah but they'll find out after he's gone and he won't have to listen to it

Still shouldn't people own their decisions? This is his son. It seems like the loving thing to do to be open about this, no matter how the will is structured and then deal with the fall out. If my adult kids were upset about my will, to me that would be all the more reason to share it with them in advance. Why be secretive?

Anonymous wrote:I have a slightly different perspective since my dad gave me a copy of his will in advance and I have given a copy of my will to my sibling and the person who would have custody of my kids. I did not look at my dad's will when he gave it to me (he was healthy at the time) and then when he died out of the blue there were questions the will raised that I wish I had asked. For example, he had some assets going into a trust, but he did not change the beneficiary of some of his accounts so that the beneficiary of the accounts was the trust. I knew to do that from my own will and so would have asked about it. I assume it was a mistake he did not do that but maybe it was on purpose. Now I'll never know because he died and I didnt read the will ahead of time and clarify it.

I just don't understand all the secrecy around money and wills - if he is giving all the money to his wife, wouldn't he want his kids to know that? They are going to find out at some point...

Yeah but they'll find out after he's gone and he won't have to listen to it

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The care is on MIL. Just know that she gets everything. And her kids. Your DH is most likely SOL.

This 100%. Most likely MIL gets everything first. Then, after she dies, anything left over will go to her own biological kids and nothing to your husband.

This is exactly what happened with my friend. First FIL died and stepmom took it all. Then after stepmom died her own unemployed druggie son got everything, including the family home that DW grew up in. Druggie son wouldn't even let DW pick up her stuff from childhood after he took over the house.

This is so infuriating. What a shit move for FIL to not have considered his daughter in any of this. I would have a hard time not hating my father forever.

Anonymous wrote:The care is on MIL. Just know that she gets everything. And her kids. Your DH is most likely SOL.

This 100%. Most likely MIL gets everything first. Then, after she dies, anything left over will go to her own biological kids and nothing to your husband.

This is exactly what happened with my friend. First FIL died and stepmom took it all. Then after stepmom died her own unemployed druggie son got everything, including the family home that DW grew up in. Druggie son wouldn't even let DW pick up her stuff from childhood after he took over the house.

Anonymous wrote:The care is on MIL. Just know that she gets everything. And her kids. Your DH is most likely SOL.

That may be true, but my advice is that OP's DH and siblings pay nothing towards their father's care nor funeral expenses without seeing the will. OP, I get why you are concerned and watched my parents/aunt deal with a mess with their stepmother when their father died. He was younger and it was very unexpected so nothing was laid out. His wife asked my dad and aunt to pay a part of his funeral expenses, and in the shock of the moment they did, while she knew that he already had that covered with life insurance. DH may not have a legal right to see any of this but he also has no obligation to pay for his care unless he understands their financial situation.

As an aside, I think its crazy that aging parents don't have this conversation with their kids, especially when there are stepfamilies involved. Death is guaranteed and people always avoid talking about it. It leaves so many families in disarray after someone dies and I don't want that to happen when I go. I don't think that your concern is selfish at all OP. I think it's smart, especially after having lived through it.

I have a slightly different perspective since my dad gave me a copy of his will in advance and I have given a copy of my will to my sibling and the person who would have custody of my kids. I did not look at my dad's will when he gave it to me (he was healthy at the time) and then when he died out of the blue there were questions the will raised that I wish I had asked. For example, he had some assets going into a trust, but he did not change the beneficiary of some of his accounts so that the beneficiary of the accounts was the trust. I knew to do that from my own will and so would have asked about it. I assume it was a mistake he did not do that but maybe it was on purpose. Now I'll never know because he died and I didnt read the will ahead of time and clarify it.

I just don't understand all the secrecy around money and wills - if he is giving all the money to his wife, wouldn't he want his kids to know that? They are going to find out at some point...

The care is on MIL. Just know that she gets everything. And her kids. Your DH is most likely SOL.

If the FIL and stepmom have been married for a significant amount of time, you should assume the assets are owned jointly. You also said FIL doesn’t have a lot of assets so stepmom will likely need them for her potential care if she gets sick. It is inappropriate to ask for the will or a list of FIL’s assets. Her husband is very ill and she needs to focus on that. The only possible appropriate question is to ask if FIL prepaid funeral arrangements as those can be very pricey. My dad and stepmom were married for a long time. She was the one who always talked about money to me in the last year or so and I found it inappropriate. Every time I spoke with her she would mention that the funeral was prepaid (and how much it cost). My dad did make sure that my siblings and I got things like his coin collection, watches etc. I have no idea if we got everything or if she kept some for her children and grandchildren. But my kids were happy and that’s all that mattered to me.

OP you obviously don't understand how married couples work. It's joint money and likely they have a joint trust which is not your business unless they chose to leave you something.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your stepmother is understandably rattled by the vultures circling around even before her husband is in his grave. This is inappropriate behaviors on your part, OP.
Be careful. If she inherits his estate she might be irritated enough to cut you out.

This. Most likely she is already the beneficiary of most accounts and is the joint owner of their home. In this case - all assigned assets would automatically pass to her and she would avoid probate..thus the will would be irrelevant.

Like most marriages. And if he had a retirement she will get that as well per marital laws.

yep!

Anonymous wrote:Unfortunately OP, your MIL has the right to refuse. She doesn't have to show your DH anything at this stage. That being said I don't know why people are so secretive about wills. My kids know exactly what our intentions are and they know where to find all the necessary documents it doesn't have to be hard.

She is the stepmother. If she gets everything (which she most likely will) then probably nothing will pass to his children ever. She would most likely pass everything to her kids or charity through her will upon her death. (Unless father has some kind of trust set up which benefits his kids but does not sound like it). Another reason divorce sucks. It dilutes generational wealth.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your stepmother is understandably rattled by the vultures circling around even before her husband is in his grave. This is inappropriate behaviors on your part, OP.
Be careful. If she inherits his estate she might be irritated enough to cut you out.

This. Most likely she is already the beneficiary of most accounts and is the joint owner of their home. In this case - all assigned assets would automatically pass to her and she would avoid probate..thus the will would be irrelevant.

Like most marriages. And if he had a retirement she will get that as well per marital laws.

You'd better play nice with MIL. Once your FIL dies everything can go to her and she can change her will to exclude you. This is what happened in my own family. Step MIL got everything.

Anonymous wrote:Your stepmother is understandably rattled by the vultures circling around even before her husband is in his grave. This is inappropriate behaviors on your part, OP.
Be careful. If she inherits his estate she might be irritated enough to cut you out.

They're are married. It's their estate, and OP has no business knowing what "their" plans are.

Anonymous wrote:Your stepmother is understandably rattled by the vultures circling around even before her husband is in his grave. This is inappropriate behaviors on your part, OP.
Be careful. If she inherits his estate she might be irritated enough to cut you out.

This. Most likely she is already the beneficiary of most accounts and is the joint owner of their home. In this case - all assigned assets would automatically pass to her and she would avoid probate..thus the will would be irrelevant.