Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it’s 2022 and we’re done blaming women for the transgressions of men. What an affair partner does is not good, but they’re not the one breaking their vows, taking away their spouses informed consent, and harming their children.

+1

They have no vows. If the man is chearing, it's on him. Not the woman. JFC, it's not the 1800s, stop placing the blame on women.

How about we say man gets 70% of the blame and the woman gets 30%?
I’m intentionally being ridiculous. The point is that “blame” is not all or nothing.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it’s 2022 and we’re done blaming women for the transgressions of men. What an affair partner does is not good, but they’re not the one breaking their vows, taking away their spouses informed consent, and harming their children.

They're not the one breaking their vows, but they are definitely participating in taking away the wife's informed consent and harming the children.

Like I said, it’s not good or moral behavior, but they don’t have any obligation to the wife or kids.

…. Really? You generally have a moral obligation not to be a d*** to people. It’s not exactly remote participation in evil.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Because it’s 2022 and we’re done blaming women for the transgressions of men. What an affair partner does is not good, but they’re not the one breaking their vows, taking away their spouses informed consent, and harming their children.

+1

They have no vows. If the man is chearing, it's on him. Not the woman. JFC, it's not the 1800s, stop placing the blame on women.

+2. This same topic is posted every week. I'm convinced that there are a few wives on here with cheating husbands so they place all of the blame for their situation on the OW.

Anonymous wrote:Because it’s 2022 and we’re done blaming women for the transgressions of men. What an affair partner does is not good, but they’re not the one breaking their vows, taking away their spouses informed consent, and harming their children.

+1

They have no vows. If the man is chearing, it's on him. Not the woman. JFC, it's not the 1800s, stop placing the blame on women.

The OW is sh!tty for knowingly engaging with a married man and participating in hurting another person/family. It shows a massive lack of character. That said, there is plenty of blame to go around. Just because I blame the OW does not mean I don’t blame the married guy, who lied and betrayed his spouse. I think they both suck.

Anonymous wrote:What is with this new cultural trend where women who knowingly have affairs with married men are absolved? "Well, she's not the one who's married, she didn't do anything wrong" Seriously? She knowingly had an affair with someone who was married - she did a horrible thing to the wife and any children involved. (Yes, this was inspired by the thread about the congressman who cheated on his wife with an ISIS widow lol)

I don't see this as all that new, nor that the women are being absolved of all fault or anyone thinks they aren't doing anything wrong. It's more that we no longer act like the husband is totally innocent and was just seduced by some awful homewrecker and he just couldn't help himself and he's practically a victim. Like, the other woman, if she knows he's married, is making a bad choice that hurts other people, but the husband is the one breaking vows. Wives often villify the OW because it's easier and simpler to aim their anger and hurt at the OW than at the husband who actually betrayed her.

Many women doing this are married themselves. Both parties have something to lose.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
They date married men because they’re are a limited amount of high-earning, powerful men available. Focusing on their future, it’s every woman for herself and they aren’t thinking about his wife and children except in the abstract- as an obstacle.

This actually. And you can be sure the wives are not giving a rats ass about what the husbands are doing to the APs, who more often than not waste their most valuable years before being brutally dumped with nothing and a devastating aftermath that disqualifies them from future relationships with anyone normal.

Could you elaborate on this? Not taking issue with it, just curious about the concept of being “disqualified” from future relationships with anyone normal.

I mean that if you are honest with someone about your relationship history most normal people will not get involved with someone who was previously part of an affair. So your choices are being alone being with another cheater, lying about your past or being honest and getting rejected. The likelihood that someone will accept you for what you have done is small.

STBXW had two affairs. One with a single guy. Found out when she wanted to travel to see a "friend" because he moved away from the area. We did therapy and I forgave her. Human beings can make mistakes, right.

2 years later, found out she was having another affair with a partnered guy. Full-blown emotional and physical affair. All this we were in therapy to save our marriage.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice....Some people are just wired to be selfish and can't give two shits about what they burn while trying to be "happy".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
They date married men because they’re are a limited amount of high-earning, powerful men available. Focusing on their future, it’s every woman for herself and they aren’t thinking about his wife and children except in the abstract- as an obstacle.

This actually. And you can be sure the wives are not giving a rats ass about what the husbands are doing to the APs, who more often than not waste their most valuable years before being brutally dumped with nothing and a devastating aftermath that disqualifies them from future relationships with anyone normal.

Could you elaborate on this? Not taking issue with it, just curious about the concept of being “disqualified” from future relationships with anyone normal.

Anonymous wrote:Meh. I was the other woman once. I regret it. It was harmful and stupid and I would never do it again. But I can't understand why anyone would stay married to such an ass.

And that is a good point. However, if they have young kids they don't want the kids being taken care of by his next bimbo. Or they will be in financial straights. Often the cheated on wife hates him anyways by that point, and he is merely a walking paycheck. And a woman like you is a threat to that.

At least you acknowledge being wrong, but I can't understand why any woman would see a married man. Especially when there are many single ones. Or the danger from being harmed by his spouse or her family. Which you see on the news quite often. In the Gerardot case she killed the OW then herself, but left the cheater alive. Until then the bimbo thought it was a fun game playing the pick me dance. Keep teasing a dog and they may bite. That one did. When emotions are involved one never knows what the harmed spouse will do.

Meh. I was the other woman once. I regret it. It was harmful and stupid and I would never do it again. But I can't understand why anyone would stay married to such an ass.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No one with self-esteem or empathy does it. These are low lives, falling for temptation and have no regards for morals or basic humanity.

This applies to both parties, adulterer and the mistress.

Adulterer can be male or female. What’s the male version of a mistress?

A mister or paramour.

Anonymous wrote:
They date married men because they’re are a limited amount of high-earning, powerful men available. Focusing on their future, it’s every woman for herself and they aren’t thinking about his wife and children except in the abstract- as an obstacle.

This actually. And you can be sure the wives are not giving a rats ass about what the husbands are doing to the APs, who more often than not waste their most valuable years before being brutally dumped with nothing and a devastating aftermath that disqualifies them from future relationships with anyone normal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is with this new cultural trend where women who knowingly have affairs with married men are absolved? "Well, she's not the one who's married, she didn't do anything wrong" Seriously? She knowingly had an affair with someone who was married - she did a horrible thing to the wife and any children involved. (Yes, this was inspired by the thread about the congressman who cheated on his wife with an ISIS widow lol)

I don’t think they’re absolved, they’re just the less guilty of the two parties and it’s very outdated to vilify the woman while the man proceeds as usual— ask Monica Lewinsky how that felt.

But Monica Lewinsky herself has said that she was a dumb 24yo and that it is the biggest regret of her life. She has publicly apologized to Hillary and Chelsea repeatedly. She did not ask Clinton for hush money like this ISIS woman did

She has also said, recently, how messed up the entire reaction was, as well as noting that Clinton is still invited to participate in events as the philanderer while she is disinvited. I think the changed public view of her role reflects the evolving public view on affairs. I also think older men put a huge amount of pressure on young women in the workplace and so not all affairs are fully consensual. So, I tend to “blame” the person with more power and more responsibility.