Our kids are multiracial mixed and one especially has her grandfather's Thai eyes. We call them Thai eyes.

Your mother just needs to learn your husbands race/ethnicity and describe the eyes as that.

Not sure why she is calling them Chinese if your husband is not Chinese, but assuming that is a euphemism for slanted which is just as offensive when coming from another race.

Don't die on this hill- it truly is generational plus a dose of 'white people don't know what they don't know'.... but just don't leave her alone with the kids as you will need to correct/edit what she is saying.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not sure what is the big deal here. My DC is half Asian and has beautiful eyes, my mil said I am so glad DC got big almond shaped eyes. Is my mil racist?

No... The issue here is children copying this language of "Chinese eyes." My parents didn't even realize pulling ones eyes to the side is racially insensitive. The thought of my children going up to a kid on the playground and saying they have "Chinese eyes."
My daughter gets comments like this on her hair, and it is painful for her and for me. I am trying to explain to my mom how these kinds of comments are racially insensitive and could cause someone pain, the way we feel pain. I thought my mom could empathize with this. She could not.

And to further explain in a way I did not expect to be necessary... We are not even Chinese, let alone Asian, so I'm trying to explain that describing some characteristic of eyes as "Chinese eyes" is not only racially insensitive but also ridiculous. Like, she could just say my daughter has beautiful wide brown eyes.

+100.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Remember that your parents are from a different generation, they may not even know all the relatively new politically correct terms

PP sure maybe but at the same time let's not throw out the "omg politically correct" buzzword. Don't use racist language, don't be a thin-skinned overly sensitive martyr if you do get called out on using specific language. Learn and move forward.

It is undeniable that in the last decades there is much more attention about what expressions are acceptable or not, and not only when talking about different ethnicities. For example, to describe a child with developmental or physical delays, my parents would used the term handicapped, I grew up using the term disable, my DC’s generation uses the term special needs. This doesn’t make my old parents jerks, they just were not educated about the different implications of the words used. I think the best thing is to gently redirect and educate my parents (or people from a different genearation) not shaming them

It's inevitable that "special needs" will become the offensive word in 20 years. After all, what exactly is offensive about handicap or disabled? They describe the situation accurately. Your parents or grandparents were not insensitive, it's *you* that decided inoffensive words suddenly were insensitive and made them insensitive. The concept is still there regardless of the word being used to describe it, and that is why well-meaning people will forever be changing the words in a perpetual hunt for the offensive. Will the day come when we eventually run out of inoffensive words?

I am not sympathetic to OP. Her mother did not use the term "Chinese eyes" in a derogatory manner but as a flattery. I do think it would be fine to gently point out that child is not of Asian heritage and there are people who would find it uncomfortable, but to turn it into an existential angst is silly. But dare I say that no one is as delicate and easily offended as the white progressive female. Particularly someone who clearly has other issues with her family.

PP, sorry for the grammar mistakes. Accidenty submitted too early

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP Remember that your parents are from a different generation, they may not even know all the relatively new politically correct terms

PP sure maybe but at the same time let's not throw out the "omg politically correct" buzzword. Don't use racist language, don't be a thin-skinned overly sensitive martyr if you do get called out on using specific language. Learn and move forward.

It is undeniable that in the last decades there is much more attention about what expressions are acceptable or not, and not only when talking about different ethnicities. For example, to describe a child with developmental or physical delays, my parents would used the term handicapped, I grew up using the term disable, my DC’s generation uses the term special needs. This doesn’t make my old parents jerks, they just were not educated about the different implications of the words used. I think the best thing is to gently redirect and educate my parents (or people from a different genearation) not shaming them

Anonymous wrote:OP Remember that your parents are from a different generation, they may not even know all the relatively new politically correct terms

PP sure maybe but at the same time let's not throw out the "omg politically correct" buzzword. Don't use racist language, don't be a thin-skinned overly sensitive martyr if you do get called out on using specific language. Learn and move forward.

Anonymous wrote:OP Remember that your parents are from a different generation, they may not even know all the relatively new politically correct terms

This. +100 I talked to my 93 year old family members and just wow... They are so hung up on race, class, ethnicity and all the things that mattered oh so much back then. Things they say that are cringeworthy: Darkies, negroes, those rowdy Irish, hot-blooded Eye-talians, coloreds, orientals (not the rugs), sand negroes, moslems, those Jews and usually how wealthy they are and how they occupy certain industries (they are obsessed with this). Everytime a last name is said, they try to figure out what type of person they are. It is SO annoying!!! But, they are my people.

Anonymous wrote:Your Mom may or not be racist bit she’s definitely dumb. Yikes.

“But”

Your Mom may or not be racist bit she’s definitely dumb. Yikes.

met a woman who used "chinky eyes" as a compliment
she thought it was exotic to have them

chinese eyes is totally stupid
it belongs back in the box that contains oriental eyes

I am past the point of tolerating people like this. I would tell her she can interact with my kids on my terms or not at all, and when she's ready to stop being a martyr we can talk.

Anonymous wrote:I use “you know how everyone is crazily sensitive these days, please don’t use the word. It may seem fine to us but it doesn’t do all these thin skinned people around us”.
I don’t think it but it makes them feel I am on their side and they actually listen.

Please no one do this. All this does is reinforce their biased racist and ignorant ideas. It is not how you explain to someone how and why what they’re saying is offensive, hurtful, not factual, and out of order. It’s so funny how all these people are sensitive and thin scanned your folks are out here van and books and the bogeyman of CRT.
Some of y’all are real TIRING.

Extinguish all interaction with your mother immediately.

Anonymous wrote:I use “you know how everyone is crazily sensitive these days, please don’t use the word. It may seem fine to us but it doesn’t do all these thin skinned people around us”.
I don’t think it but it makes them feel I am on their side and they actually listen.

Awww i wish you wouldn't. The people who get sooooo upset and "incensed" over the responses to their language etc are generally the ones who are actually sensitive and thin skinned, and they need to be called out on it. They like to hide behind the guise of "telling it like it is" or some nonsense. Great, OP is also telling it like it is / just being honest / etc etc.

I use “you know how everyone is crazily sensitive these days, please don’t use the word. It may seem fine to us but it doesn’t do all these thin skinned people around us”.
I don’t think it but it makes them feel I am on their side and they actually listen.