Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, sorry to be blunt but this sounds like a very toxic relationship. Have you been to therapy before about your relationship with her. Her reaction is NOT normal.

I have been t therapy, but we didn't really talk about my mom.

That’s…surprising. I wonder how this never came up?

Because I thought that talking to my mom everyday meant we had a good relationship. So when the therapist asked about my parents, I told her we have a good relationship.

I was the same as you. I felt shocked when I realized the abuse I had withstood. Now I see I am a strong mofo to have put up with all this crazy. She just screamed at me to today and baited me left and right.

Thanks to therapy, EFT, and reading, I didn’t take the bait. I could see in her eyes that she was like, “it’s not working…” Then, once I was alone in the nursing home with her, she began crying and then she yelled at me. I kept calm and kept not taking bait.

I was arranging some things in her room and kept asking where she would like this or that, and it was disarming her attack. I knew she would attack me as soon as we were alone so I felt ready for it.

Omg, she tried to get at me so many ways.

This is the first time in a very long time I have not felt horrible. However, I am having trouble eating. I gagged and almost threw up from stress.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does a healthy relationship with one's mom look like? Does anyone have that?

It looks like pretty much any healthy relationship. We act like the adults that we are. We talk, share our lives, our opinions, but never in a pushy way or to overrule the other person. We don't hold grudges, and certainly no silent treatment, ever. I would do just about anything for her, and she would do the same for me. It's trite to say this, but she really is a wonderful friend to me.

Having written all this, I'm going to call her as soon as it's early enough in the day to call her (she's continents away).

This. It looks a lot like other healthy relationships.

Yes. As with my other good friends, if my mother disagrees with my actions, she generally keeps it to herself, or at most, says her piece and then leaves it alone. (Im sure she would behave differently if she thought me or my kids were in danger-- substance abuse, etc.) No grudges or silent treatment ever. No angry arguments since I was a teen. Our relationship is very much like a close friendship.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, sorry to be blunt but this sounds like a very toxic relationship. Have you been to therapy before about your relationship with her. Her reaction is NOT normal.

I have been t therapy, but we didn't really talk about my mom.

That’s…surprising. I wonder how this never came up?

Because I thought that talking to my mom everyday meant we had a good relationship. So when the therapist asked about my parents, I told her we have a good relationship.

Oh OP. You really need to go back to therapy on this. The fact that you felt you needed to write a dissertation explaining to DCUM the reasons why it was ok that you got a dog speaks volumes here. Your relationship with your mother isn't normal. At all.

OP I am sorry about this. I think your mom resents you having a dog because it means you are less able to drop everything and dash over to her, if she required it.

When my dad died, in the UK, we came home and I got a puppy. My sister was furious because in her mind she saw it as a move that we wouldn't be frequently traveling back to the uk to assist her with our mother. When in fact, Id already told her we couldn't afford to do that anyway.

I just ignored it, never addressed it. But then that's quite a UK way of handling emotional conflicts, I know!

Good luck, I hope it shakes out ok.

Thank you for rescuing a senior dog! Enjoy!

Ignore her. Focus on your immediate family and enjoy your new dog. Talk to your therapist about her. Your mom is not normal.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does a healthy relationship with one's mom look like? Does anyone have that?

It looks like pretty much any healthy relationship. We act like the adults that we are. We talk, share our lives, our opinions, but never in a pushy way or to overrule the other person. We don't hold grudges, and certainly no silent treatment, ever. I would do just about anything for her, and she would do the same for me. It's trite to say this, but she really is a wonderful friend to me.

Having written all this, I'm going to call her as soon as it's early enough in the day to call her (she's continents away).

This. It looks a lot like other healthy relationships.

She clearly a bit crazy and you can’t change that. Focus on changing your reaction. Try not to let her upset you.

Anonymous wrote:Wow, sorry to be blunt but this sounds like a very toxic relationship. Have you been to therapy before about your relationship with her. Her reaction is NOT normal.

This. Enjoy your new dog and the lack of contact with your mother.

Anonymous wrote:OP, my mom also likes to use the silent treatment. I have an appointment with a therapist to figure out strategies to deal with it. My mom is childish and immature.

I don't ask her "why." I don't respond to it at all. I feel like that would be feeding the monster.

I dealt with it by ignoring it. Didn't to hear from her for six months and started to feel really good about myself. Take the control away from her. When she reached out I ignored.

Anonymous wrote:What does a healthy relationship with one's mom look like? Does anyone have that?

It looks like pretty much any healthy relationship. We act like the adults that we are. We talk, share our lives, our opinions, but never in a pushy way or to overrule the other person. We don't hold grudges, and certainly no silent treatment, ever. I would do just about anything for her, and she would do the same for me. It's trite to say this, but she really is a wonderful friend to me.

Having written all this, I'm going to call her as soon as it's early enough in the day to call her (she's continents away).

Would name my dog after her 😀

The fact that you spent paragraphs justify while you’re grown ass is allowed to have a dog tells us all we need to know.
Honestly this isn’t about the dog this is about how, respectfully, you need to talk to a therapist about why you feel you need to justify your own grown ass decisions.
If your toxic mother isn’t speaking to you enjoy the break.

I';m so jealous. I feel obligated to deal with my mother, but when she gives me the silent treatment it's bliss.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Wow, sorry to be blunt but this sounds like a very toxic relationship. Have you been to therapy before about your relationship with her. Her reaction is NOT normal.

I have been t therapy, but we didn't really talk about my mom.

That’s…surprising. I wonder how this never came up?

Because I thought that talking to my mom everyday meant we had a good relationship. So when the therapist asked about my parents, I told her we have a good relationship.

I kinda wanna give you a hug and say no, sweetie, you don’t.

DP but I had the exact same reaction. I’m sorry OP, that’s such a sweet statement and it makes me sad on your behalf, you are being treated this way and it is leaving you so confused.