Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:100% just say

"Oh, sounds like we should reschedule for another day."

If you want to soften it you could add:

"I actually had something come up myself so another day would be best on my end too."

She doesn't have to know that came up was her flakiness.

+ 1
Perfect.

Also, take your kid to the zoo. If you are found out, have a story ready - "Yes, I finished my appointment earlier and then decided to come to the zoo as well!"

WTF do you people lie? Just say no, you'll reschedule or find another activity to do.

Anonymous wrote:100% just say

"Oh, sounds like we should reschedule for another day."

If you want to soften it you could add:

"I actually had something come up myself so another day would be best on my end too."

She doesn't have to know that came up was her flakiness.

+ 1
Perfect.

Also, take your kid to the zoo. If you are found out, have a story ready - "Yes, I finished my appointment earlier and then decided to come to the zoo as well!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Won’t you need a favor someday returned? I don’t understand how some of y’all have any friends lol. It’s not a recurring thing, it’s one day where she needs help. If it becomes a recurring ask that’s when you draw a boundary. Or don’t, but then don’t post one of those threads I see on here all the time about not having family in the area to help. These people become your de facto family. Help them.

These people are users.

Agreed. These people are users. In her place, I would have apologized and asked to reschedule, not dump my kid on another person. And I would say seriously say "No" to taking care of any one else's toddler. Yes, do help out people if they have a real emergency - like a heart attack or having a baby!

I am a SAHM and I was frequently used in such a fashion by other SAHMs in the neighborhood who did this to get a break from their kids. Leaving kid for 1 hour in my house became leaving kid for 5 hours, while the mom was doing other nefarious things.

The most considerate parents that I have had the pleasure to know and befriend have been WOHMs who have always tried to reciprocate in some way, and are always more organized, clued-in and considerate.

100% just say

"Oh, sounds like we should reschedule for another day."

If you want to soften it you could add:

"I actually had something come up myself so another day would be best on my end too."

She doesn't have to know that came up was her flakiness.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Won’t you need a favor someday returned? I don’t understand how some of y’all have any friends lol. It’s not a recurring thing, it’s one day where she needs help. If it becomes a recurring ask that’s when you draw a boundary. Or don’t, but then don’t post one of those threads I see on here all the time about not having family in the area to help. These people become your de facto family. Help them.

It’s not. The type of person who would suggest you take her 2 year old to the zoo with her instead of going together or that casually suggests they “play at your house” will have these requests often. At some point, you’ll stop knowing if a plan they suggest is real, or a favor brewing. If I had to cancel, I’d just apologize and say we cannot make it. I wouldn’t suggest a neighbor take my 2 year old to the zoo or change her plans to accommodate me. And yes, I do have friends, and I don’t appreciate sneaking in favors like this.

Correct. This behavior stinks.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Won’t you need a favor someday returned? I don’t understand how some of y’all have any friends lol. It’s not a recurring thing, it’s one day where she needs help. If it becomes a recurring ask that’s when you draw a boundary. Or don’t, but then don’t post one of those threads I see on here all the time about not having family in the area to help. These people become your de facto family. Help them.

OP said she was overwhelmed by the idea of caring for two toddlers in a big public space. Don't you have any compassion?

Holy s*** you’re dramatic (and likely one of those I referred to with no friends). You’re the one who apparently didn’t read the thread because an in-home play date is clearly an option.

There’s no need for OP to change her plans. The other mom could have easily declined her obligation if she really wanted to.

Anonymous wrote:Won’t you need a favor someday returned? I don’t understand how some of y’all have any friends lol. It’s not a recurring thing, it’s one day where she needs help. If it becomes a recurring ask that’s when you draw a boundary. Or don’t, but then don’t post one of those threads I see on here all the time about not having family in the area to help. These people become your de facto family. Help them.

These people are users.

OP here, thank you for the replies! Just to clarify, my neighbor’s conflict that came up was non-essential (volunteer luncheon that she got late word on). If it was a medical issue or something where she truly needed help, I’d babysit without question. But this is a choice to do the luncheon instead of our zoo plans and not make her own childcare arrangements.

Yes, the zoo outing is just a half day morning thing, but my child naps after lunch and so I don’t have flexibility to babysit in the morning and go to the zoo with my kid in the afternoon. I also know her child doesn’t nap, so if I hosted the play date I’d likely be watching her kid as well while my own naps.

Anyway, appreciate the support and suggestions. It’s hard to know how to navigate these things sometimes. I don’t want to be a bad neighbor but I also don’t want to be a doormat and become resentful.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Won’t you need a favor someday returned? I don’t understand how some of y’all have any friends lol. It’s not a recurring thing, it’s one day where she needs help. If it becomes a recurring ask that’s when you draw a boundary. Or don’t, but then don’t post one of those threads I see on here all the time about not having family in the area to help. These people become your de facto family. Help them.

OP said she was overwhelmed by the idea of caring for two toddlers in a big public space. Don't you have any compassion?

Holy s*** you’re dramatic (and likely one of those I referred to with no friends). You’re the one who apparently didn’t read the thread because an in-home play date is clearly an option.

OP gets one day off every other week. It's fine if she doesn't want to babysit another 2 year old on that day.

It totally is. But if you’re this person, don’t expect anyone to watch your kid when you need it. And you will. I have an amazing support network and my friends - and yes neighbors who aren’t “friends” - do this for each other all the time. Does OP live in West Virginia? Going to the zoo with a 2-year-old is not an all day event. Help the neighbor in the morning and go to the zoo in the afternoon. The fact that this is a “post a WWYD on a moms forum” kind of question is truly baffling to me.

OP literally said “something nonessential came up” for the other mom. I don’t think many people would tell Op to say “no thanks” if her post said the other mom had a family emergency

Anonymous wrote:Won’t you need a favor someday returned? I don’t understand how some of y’all have any friends lol. It’s not a recurring thing, it’s one day where she needs help. If it becomes a recurring ask that’s when you draw a boundary. Or don’t, but then don’t post one of those threads I see on here all the time about not having family in the area to help. These people become your de facto family. Help them.

if I was the other person and this was my intention ( to watch OPs kid sometime) then I would say “ something came up for me I can’t do with Larla. Any chance you could watch her for me on Friday and I’ll take Larlo for you in a couple weeks” ………

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Won’t you need a favor someday returned? I don’t understand how some of y’all have any friends lol. It’s not a recurring thing, it’s one day where she needs help. If it becomes a recurring ask that’s when you draw a boundary. Or don’t, but then don’t post one of those threads I see on here all the time about not having family in the area to help. These people become your de facto family. Help them.

OP said she was overwhelmed by the idea of caring for two toddlers in a big public space. Don't you have any compassion?

Holy s*** you’re dramatic (and likely one of those I referred to with no friends). You’re the one who apparently didn’t read the thread because an in-home play date is clearly an option.

OP gets one day off every other week. It's fine if she doesn't want to babysit another 2 year old on that day.

It totally is. But if you’re this person, don’t expect anyone to watch your kid when you need it. And you will. I have an amazing support network and my friends - and yes neighbors who aren’t “friends” - do this for each other all the time. Does OP live in West Virginia? Going to the zoo with a 2-year-old is not an all day event. Help the neighbor in the morning and go to the zoo in the afternoon. The fact that this is a “post a WWYD on a moms forum” kind of question is truly baffling to me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Won’t you need a favor someday returned? I don’t understand how some of y’all have any friends lol. It’s not a recurring thing, it’s one day where she needs help. If it becomes a recurring ask that’s when you draw a boundary. Or don’t, but then don’t post one of those threads I see on here all the time about not having family in the area to help. These people become your de facto family. Help them.

OP said she was overwhelmed by the idea of caring for two toddlers in a big public space. Don't you have any compassion?

Holy s*** you’re dramatic (and likely one of those I referred to with no friends). You’re the one who apparently didn’t read the thread because an in-home play date is clearly an option.

But why should op turn her outing into sitting at home and babysitting 2 year olds? 2 year olds don’t just go off and play. They need supervision, entertainment… at two they hardly do cooperative play (or are just starting). if op had already been looking forward to a fun day at the zoo with her child, why does she need to give it up? The other person does not have a serious emergency.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Won’t you need a favor someday returned? I don’t understand how some of y’all have any friends lol. It’s not a recurring thing, it’s one day where she needs help. If it becomes a recurring ask that’s when you draw a boundary. Or don’t, but then don’t post one of those threads I see on here all the time about not having family in the area to help. These people become your de facto family. Help them.

OP said she was overwhelmed by the idea of caring for two toddlers in a big public space. Don't you have any compassion?

Holy s*** you’re dramatic (and likely one of those I referred to with no friends). You’re the one who apparently didn’t read the thread because an in-home play date is clearly an option.

But then OP doesn't get to take her kid to the zoo which she says she was looking forward to doing on her day off. I don't get why she should feel obligated to babysit the other child in her home as opposed to go on a fun outing like she'd planned. Unless this is a good friend in a bind- like someone who has a last minute doctor appointment, etc- in which case, yes of course. But there was no indication that was it.

Don't feel bad, just tell her to reschedule for another day.

I wouldn't want to spend my day off babysitting another child either.

Anonymous wrote:OP gets one day off every other week. It's fine if she doesn't want to babysit another 2 year old on that day.

+1. OP is a working mom who wants to spend the day with her child.

If this were a good friend, I'd work it out with her, and I have probably 3 friends that fall in that category. Anyone else I'd simply say "what a bummer. Let's reschedule a get together for another day" and leave it at that.