Anonymous
Post 02/15/2022 14:01     Subject: Dedicating Life To GF's Dreams


I left my home country to follow my future husband to the USA, when I was 19. I chose among the grad school options that were here in the DC area.

People do these things for love, OP.
Anonymous
Post 02/15/2022 14:00     Subject: Dedicating Life To GF's Dreams
Anonymous wrote:OP here, they aren't getting married until she is settled in medical school and no plans to have kids until both are ready. Just want to get engaged and commit to tackle future together as a team.


This sounds lovely. And honestly, if it doesn't work out, a broken engagement is a bummer and a little bit stigmatizing, but it's not really that big a deal in the grand scheme of things. They don't have to merge finances or buy a house if they don't want to.

He is an adult, let him make his own choices. There's really no alternative that isn't destructive to your relationship with him.
Anonymous
Post 02/15/2022 12:24     Subject: Dedicating Life To GF's Dreams
I find it interesting that society is against young baggage free professionals getting married but very open to people with complications of failed relationships,young children and finances remarrying or getting into relationships after short random dating. Puzzling! No?
Anonymous
Post 02/15/2022 12:21     Subject: Dedicating Life To GF's Dreams
"Chasing her path"? You don't know this. They sound like wonderful young people to me. I'm sure she will do all she can to align her future locations to his, if at all possible.

Mom ~ stop looking for things to worry about!
Anonymous
Post 02/15/2022 12:19     Subject: Dedicating Life To GF's Dreams
OP here, they aren't getting married until she is settled in medical school and no plans to have kids until both are ready. Just want to get engaged and commit to tackle future together as a team.
Anonymous
Post 02/15/2022 12:14     Subject: Dedicating Life To GF's Dreams
Marriages with tons of sexual experiences also fall apart so its not a solution. If you are mentally compatible and have a good sexual chemistry, it can be better than floating from one person to other looking for something you aren't getting.
Anonymous
Post 02/15/2022 12:10     Subject: Dedicating Life To GF's Dreams
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m more concerned that they’ve been in one relationship. That can’t be healthy and will not end well.


Its not like ones with extensive dating and relationship experience end-up any better. Stable long term relationships have better chances of transitioning into stable marriages compared to random short term relationships.


Is this really generally true? I find it hard to believe that it's healthy for a young adult to be with one person and only one person for their entire adult life. The sexual experience limited to one is not cause for marriages to fall apart later?


Look around, its not like people serial dating, several relationships and divorces are making people happier and marriages stronger.
Anonymous
Post 02/15/2022 12:05     Subject: Dedicating Life To GF's Dreams
It worked fabulously for my siblings and many of my friends and cousins. It can be a bond of love and joy with strong foundation of friendship, trust and loyalty. Obviously, its not a mo fail for everyone but solid gold it if works. Most of us did have an advantage of attending professional colleges without debt and good starting salaries so probably avoided many hurdles where couples with financial problems usually fall.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2022 23:18     Subject: Dedicating Life To GF's Dreams
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I’m more concerned that they’ve been in one relationship. That can’t be healthy and will not end well.


Its not like ones with extensive dating and relationship experience end-up any better. Stable long term relationships have better chances of transitioning into stable marriages compared to random short term relationships.


Is this really generally true? I find it hard to believe that it's healthy for a young adult to be with one person and only one person for their entire adult life. The sexual experience limited to one is not cause for marriages to fall apart later?
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2022 22:20     Subject: Dedicating Life To GF's Dreams
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It sounds like their relationship has already survived some intense studying that was funded somehow. Is your concern that while she is in school, he will be paying the bills? If that's the issue, butt out. It's not your money. He has a job, and if he wants to support his partner while she goes to grad school, that's fine. It's their relationship.


Not only expenses but all household responsibilities would fall on him, if any kids in next 10 years, on him. If in future she decides to break up, its all his loss, money, time, efforts. He wont have a full time partner for at least 10 years.


There are points in residency where this would be true, but med school isn't that bad (not all the time, anyway).
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2022 22:17     Subject: Dedicating Life To GF's Dreams
They should try the long distance route. Either it will work out or it won't.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2022 15:17     Subject: Dedicating Life To GF's Dreams
Anonymous wrote:My stepson is in a relationship since high school. They are graduating college in May and he is heading for a lucrative engineering job. She'll start an MPH and apply to medical schools in next cycle. Is there a hope for any relationship to survive a decade of time consuming study and expenses while other person financing and bending his geographical radius limited. She is amazing and they love each other but everyone is telling them to split because its not fair for him to spend a decade chasing her path. I didn't offer any opinion but do feel concerned for them.


What's the solution? Break up and not take a chance on their love. What's the guarantee another relationship would be loving or convenient, might have other challenges.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2022 15:14     Subject: Dedicating Life To GF's Dreams
Anonymous wrote:It sounds like their relationship has already survived some intense studying that was funded somehow. Is your concern that while she is in school, he will be paying the bills? If that's the issue, butt out. It's not your money. He has a job, and if he wants to support his partner while she goes to grad school, that's fine. It's their relationship.


Not only expenses but all household responsibilities would fall on him, if any kids in next 10 years, on him. If in future she decides to break up, its all his loss, money, time, efforts. He wont have a full time partner for at least 10 years.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2022 12:54     Subject: Dedicating Life To GF's Dreams
I think you are jumping to conclusions. Has the girlfriend received any med school acceptances yet? Perhaps she will get into one close by and your son won’t have to quit his job and move. Breathe. Take one thing at a time.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2022 10:51     Subject: Dedicating Life To GF's Dreams
It sounds like their relationship has already survived some intense studying that was funded somehow. Is your concern that while she is in school, he will be paying the bills? If that's the issue, butt out. It's not your money. He has a job, and if he wants to support his partner while she goes to grad school, that's fine. It's their relationship.