Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All things being equal, I think well-educated men with good careers prefer to date/marry well-educated women with good careers. Attractiveness vs. career probably varies by person.

The bigger question isn't who they date/marry, though. It's what they do afterward. I think that for many men their ideal is a well-educated, high-earning woman whose career doesn't require any sacrifices on his part. See the thread about the woman whose spouse forgot to pick up their kid from aftercare because "he had a meeting", nevermind that the woman ended up having to cancel a meeting to rush over there.

DH and I are well-off enough that I can hire help to outsource a lot of household demands, but I've still actively chosen less-demanding roles partially because I know he won't fully step up. I've got enough of a unique skillset that I still make a high income, but I've turned down almost double to avoid our family life falling apart.

You are every educated upper middle class career oriented men’s dream women.

Yes, but I'm an extreme outlier who accidentally stumbled into a high-paying career, because I gained skills in grad school that later blew up in the job market. The bigger point is that men want something that's kind of impossible. Highly-educated, high-earning DW whose job doesn't really impact her ability to take care of the household.

Astonishingly, there are many resentful women on a board like DCUM which is full of highly-educated women.

I am that unicorn with the unicorn job. Both my spouse and I realized early on how good it was. It's getting easier to find with the way telework has taken off, along with job flexibility or more parental leave--like govt. actually paying 12 weeks of maternal leave (I had it unpaid.)

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All things being equal, I think well-educated men with good careers prefer to date/marry well-educated women with good careers. Attractiveness vs. career probably varies by person.

The bigger question isn't who they date/marry, though. It's what they do afterward. I think that for many men their ideal is a well-educated, high-earning woman whose career doesn't require any sacrifices on his part. See the thread about the woman whose spouse forgot to pick up their kid from aftercare because "he had a meeting", nevermind that the woman ended up having to cancel a meeting to rush over there.

DH and I are well-off enough that I can hire help to outsource a lot of household demands, but I've still actively chosen less-demanding roles partially because I know he won't fully step up. I've got enough of a unique skillset that I still make a high income, but I've turned down almost double to avoid our family life falling apart.

You are every educated upper middle class career oriented men’s dream women.

Yes, but I'm an extreme outlier who accidentally stumbled into a high-paying career, because I gained skills in grad school that later blew up in the job market. The bigger point is that men want something that's kind of impossible. Highly-educated, high-earning DW whose job doesn't really impact her ability to take care of the household.

Astonishingly, there are many resentful women on a board like DCUM which is full of highly-educated women.

That’s how it is. It’s more of a systematic problem than an individual couple’s dilemma. A men/women who is ready to put his/her career 2nd to family’s needs tend to make best partners for career oriented men/women burning to advance their careers. It’s an unfortunate reality. It’s hard for a young family to find ways to balance two time consuming careers and a well adjusted family in current system.

Depends how shallow and cavemanesque the guy is.

Anonymous wrote:This thread would be more interesting if men were answering

OK, I will bite. I think most men have a baseline standard on three things in a woman they want to marry: (1) physical attractiveness; (2) being caring and kind; (3) enthusiasm/frequency of sex. If a woman meets all three of those baseline requirements, they are marriage material. If any of those three are missing in a woman, they are not really marriage material. Things like intelligence, career, sense of humor, shared hobbies, are all nice bonuses for some men, but not core requirements.

I think the main exception to this is for religiously devout men who remain celibate before marriage. Then shared religious values are part of the baseline standard but sexual compatibility is just glossed over pre-marriage and can lead to a sexually incompatibility during the marriage.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:All things being equal, I think well-educated men with good careers prefer to date/marry well-educated women with good careers. Attractiveness vs. career probably varies by person.

The bigger question isn't who they date/marry, though. It's what they do afterward. I think that for many men their ideal is a well-educated, high-earning woman whose career doesn't require any sacrifices on his part. See the thread about the woman whose spouse forgot to pick up their kid from aftercare because "he had a meeting", nevermind that the woman ended up having to cancel a meeting to rush over there.

DH and I are well-off enough that I can hire help to outsource a lot of household demands, but I've still actively chosen less-demanding roles partially because I know he won't fully step up. I've got enough of a unique skillset that I still make a high income, but I've turned down almost double to avoid our family life falling apart.

You are every educated upper middle class career oriented men’s dream women.

Yes, but I'm an extreme outlier who accidentally stumbled into a high-paying career, because I gained skills in grad school that later blew up in the job market. The bigger point is that men want something that's kind of impossible. Highly-educated, high-earning DW whose job doesn't really impact her ability to take care of the household.

Astonishingly, there are many resentful women on a board like DCUM which is full of highly-educated women.

Anonymous wrote:In my circle women’s college and profession matters but once married, it’s usually her decision if she wants to work or stay home after kids, men are okay with both choices. Men with high IQ tend to enjoy beauty but they crave intelligence.

Man here.

Yeah, I don't really think profession and career are a big issue, but intelligence and education are. And I think that's different from most women, who do worry about a potential husband's career and generally don't want to date down. At least, it seemed to be a concern among my wife's friends, who were graduates of prestigious universities.

I think certain part of it is just compatibility. When people talk about the very well-educated and successful types seeking out like similar types, I think that some of that is because it's difficult to really keep that pace all the time. Lots of smart people go to Ivy schools and do well enough before opting out of the next series of constant climbing in a corporate/academic/professional world where they train for marathons between their 5:45 wake up and 6:35 call with London. I think that's especially true in the DC area where plenty of people slide over in to GS role for work/life balance reasons.

Anonymous wrote:Man here —

Career doesn’t matter but education does.

The ideal woman attends a t10, majors in a humanities or social science, works for a few years in a self actualizing sector, then shift to part time.

Dutch women have this down to a science.

Check out how Dutch women approach work and life

Sure, many American women would do this if it were an option. Good part-time jobs are rare.

Anonymous wrote:All things being equal, I think well-educated men with good careers prefer to date/marry well-educated women with good careers. Attractiveness vs. career probably varies by person.

The bigger question isn't who they date/marry, though. It's what they do afterward. I think that for many men their ideal is a well-educated, high-earning woman whose career doesn't require any sacrifices on his part. See the thread about the woman whose spouse forgot to pick up their kid from aftercare because "he had a meeting", nevermind that the woman ended up having to cancel a meeting to rush over there.

DH and I are well-off enough that I can hire help to outsource a lot of household demands, but I've still actively chosen less-demanding roles partially because I know he won't fully step up. I've got enough of a unique skillset that I still make a high income, but I've turned down almost double to avoid our family life falling apart.

You are every educated upper middle class career oriented men’s dream women.

Anonymous wrote:In my circle women’s college and profession matters but once married, it’s usually her decision if she wants to work or stay home after kids, men are okay with both choices. Men with high IQ tend to enjoy beauty but they crave intelligence.

Same.

High earning men care before kids as they want to marry the total package but once the ring is on the finger and the kids come they don’t care. Middle income men care because they need the second income for a comfortable life.

Anonymous wrote:Man here —

Career doesn’t matter but education does.

The ideal woman attends a t10, majors in a humanities or social science, works for a few years in a self actualizing sector, then shift to part time.

Dutch women have this down to a science.

Check out how Dutch women approach work and life

💯

All things being equal, I think well-educated men with good careers prefer to date/marry well-educated women with good careers. Attractiveness vs. career probably varies by person.

The bigger question isn't who they date/marry, though. It's what they do afterward. I think that for many men their ideal is a well-educated, high-earning woman whose career doesn't require any sacrifices on his part. See the thread about the woman whose spouse forgot to pick up their kid from aftercare because "he had a meeting", nevermind that the woman ended up having to cancel a meeting to rush over there.

DH and I are well-off enough that I can hire help to outsource a lot of household demands, but I've still actively chosen less-demanding roles partially because I know he won't fully step up. I've got enough of a unique skillset that I still make a high income, but I've turned down almost double to avoid our family life falling apart.

In my circle women’s college and profession matters but once married, it’s usually her decision if she wants to work or stay home after kids, men are okay with both choices. Men with high IQ tend to enjoy beauty but they crave intelligence.

Anonymous wrote:Well, high number of divorce for beautiful and career women tells you it’s not something which keeps men attracted for long. Once married, they want a caring partner for themselves and a good mother for their children.

When you start talking of divorce remember that income and divorce rates are inverse. Very few big law partners with seven figure salaries get divorced. Some do and there are some spectacular ones. But the divorce rate overall may be 50% but among high earning couples is below 20%.

Men who earn well or have family wealth doesn’t care if their wife is a socialite or a career women but middle income men want wife’s pay check to afford a good lifestyle. Less educated folks are usually more interested in looks and fun, not worried about long term issues.