Anonymous wrote:Y'all walked yourself into this one. Do you understand that she had no conception of what "American Doll" was as an enterprise until you taught her? Even after you gave her your old doll. She didn't know it was a whole line of dolls with clothes and accessories and books and a store you can go to see it all and even "experiences" like the American Doll Cafe and crap. But then you were like, "Hello, small child, let me indoctrinate you into the worst aspects of American consumerism!" And now you want to know if she'll want to buy things at the store? What the hell?

You're like the parents I know who talk up Disney to their kids constantly from the time they are very little, show them all the movies, buy them lots of Disney-themed crap, and then complain "Ugh, my kids are demanding we go to Disneyworld again and have no concept of how expensive those trips are or interest in other things."

Be a parent, ffs.

This whole thread is such a great example of that particular subset of overwrought DCUM millennial mommies and this post probably takes the prize. Check your smug, PP, it's going to backlash on you in the end.

I think there's truth in the point expressed by several posters that 3.5 is too young to really get the long-term goal of reading books over a period of weeks to build up enough points to "earn" a doll. I don't think it's harming your kid that you're trying it out, I just think it's not likely to get you anywhere quite yet. But if you want to take her to the store to look around and maybe plan to buy one of the books there for her to read - but not a doll - of course that's fine! And it's fine if you go and look around and don't buy anything. It's not like your intent is to taunt her, like a Harry Potter situation where another kid's getting smothered with toys and yours gets nothing, for Chrissakes. It's perfectly possible for toddlers to go into a store, see all the fun colorful things, and leave with nothing but maybe an addition to their Christmas/birthday list in mind. My toddler's a total drama queen and yet she can handle this at 3.5. What a bunch of nuts a lot of you are.

Don't let 'em get to you, OP. And don't fret about the interest in reading waxing and waning as your daughter grows. It's very normal. As the daughter of two English teachers who is now a librarian married to a college professor, I know plenty of brilliant, wonderful people who never did become big readers, or who like to read only a very particular type of book, etc. Reading is one way to stretch your brain but there are plenty of others (play is great!).

I think this is all way, way too much for a 3.5 year old.

Do you avoid taking her to target because she'll want a toy every time? Do you avoid taking her to the grocery store because she'll demand ice cream? Do you alway give in to her requests or do you say no?

While I don't think you should attach rewards to reading, I also think that a 3.5 year old should be able to understand "not today" if you want to look at the dolls. You could have her take photos of the ones she likes for "next time we go"

And if you never say no...it's a good time to start

Anonymous wrote:
Of course! My kids never expected to come out of a store with something, because usually they never got anything. It's all a question of training, OP

I wouldn’t train a dog that way.

I think it’s horrible to take a very young child into a doll store and say, “see all the dolls you can’t have”. Just don’t go into the fricking store with your kid.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Of course! My kids never expected to come out of a store with something, because usually they never got anything. It's all a question of training, OP

So you purposely took them to the toy store to look at what they couldn’t have?! Jesus, that’s cruel.

Letting your kids grow up with their experiences curtailed because parents are afraid of a tantrum is cruel.

DP. It’s weird that you consider a toy store an “experience.” I hope you do other fun things besides shopping with your kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but if your daughter is responding, "I have coins," she doesn't get your incentive plan. It sounds like she understands the general idea of money but not quantity. She's going to melt down, and it seems a little cruel.

Parents tell kids "I can't buy x today" all the time, especially when they don't have money. But you're trying to get your kid to understand something more complicated. I don't think it's a bad idea to keep working with her on the concept of money, just not going to the store.

No. You do not purposely bring a very young child to a toy store to come home empty handed. That’s cruel.

Before the pandemic, people did this all the time. The way you raise kids who don't have tantrums in the store, is you weather a tantrum or two.

My kids often came with me when I was buying things for the classroom (teacher) or a birthday present for a party. We'd go to the store to get ideas for what they might want to put on their Christmas gift. We'd go to play with the trains because it was rainy and we had to get out of the house. Yes, they were, occasionally upset. If I didn't every do anything that had the potential upset my toddler I wouldn't be able to do anything. But they learned.

I NEVER did that prepandemic!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Of course! My kids never expected to come out of a store with something, because usually they never got anything. It's all a question of training, OP

So you purposely took them to the toy store to look at what they couldn’t have?! Jesus, that’s cruel.

Letting your kids grow up with their experiences curtailed because parents are afraid of a tantrum is cruel.

I wasn’t afraid of tantrums, fool. I simply never set my kids up for hurt.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but if your daughter is responding, "I have coins," she doesn't get your incentive plan. It sounds like she understands the general idea of money but not quantity. She's going to melt down, and it seems a little cruel.

Parents tell kids "I can't buy x today" all the time, especially when they don't have money. But you're trying to get your kid to understand something more complicated. I don't think it's a bad idea to keep working with her on the concept of money, just not going to the store.

No. You do not purposely bring a very young child to a toy store to come home empty handed. That’s cruel.

Before the pandemic, people did this all the time. The way you raise kids who don't have tantrums in the store, is you weather a tantrum or two.

My kids often came with me when I was buying things for the classroom (teacher) or a birthday present for a party. We'd go to the store to get ideas for what they might want to put on their Christmas gift. We'd go to play with the trains because it was rainy and we had to get out of the house. Yes, they were, occasionally upset. If I didn't every do anything that had the potential upset my toddler I wouldn't be able to do anything. But they learned.

They learned that lovely, fun things weren’t for them. Good job.

And prepandemic I NEVER took my kids into a toy store just to look!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
Of course! My kids never expected to come out of a store with something, because usually they never got anything. It's all a question of training, OP

So you purposely took them to the toy store to look at what they couldn’t have?! Jesus, that’s cruel.

Letting your kids grow up with their experiences curtailed because parents are afraid of a tantrum is cruel.

Anonymous wrote:
Of course! My kids never expected to come out of a store with something, because usually they never got anything. It's all a question of training, OP

So you purposely took them to the toy store to look at what they couldn’t have?! Jesus, that’s cruel.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but if your daughter is responding, "I have coins," she doesn't get your incentive plan. It sounds like she understands the general idea of money but not quantity. She's going to melt down, and it seems a little cruel.

Parents tell kids "I can't buy x today" all the time, especially when they don't have money. But you're trying to get your kid to understand something more complicated. I don't think it's a bad idea to keep working with her on the concept of money, just not going to the store.

No. You do not purposely bring a very young child to a toy store to come home empty handed. That’s cruel.

Before the pandemic, people did this all the time. The way you raise kids who don't have tantrums in the store, is you weather a tantrum or two.

My kids often came with me when I was buying things for the classroom (teacher) or a birthday present for a party. We'd go to the store to get ideas for what they might want to put on their Christmas gift. We'd go to play with the trains because it was rainy and we had to get out of the house. Yes, they were, occasionally upset. If I didn't every do anything that had the potential upset my toddler I wouldn't be able to do anything. But they learned.

Paying a 3.5 year old to read is pretty messed up. If you are worried about the amount of screen time she’s getting put her in aftercare.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but if your daughter is responding, "I have coins," she doesn't get your incentive plan. It sounds like she understands the general idea of money but not quantity. She's going to melt down, and it seems a little cruel.

Parents tell kids "I can't buy x today" all the time, especially when they don't have money. But you're trying to get your kid to understand something more complicated. I don't think it's a bad idea to keep working with her on the concept of money, just not going to the store.

No. You do not purposely bring a very young child to a toy store to come home empty handed. That’s cruel.

I wasn't advocating that anyone do that.

Why don’t you just tell her she can have one for Xmas or her bday? Are you in the habit of buying her whatever you she wants, otherwise? Do you buy her random presents all year long as long as she “works” for them? What if she doesn’t read enough books in time for Xmas - is she a bad girl who didn’t read enough and now santa is mad at her?

Of course! My kids never expected to come out of a store with something, because usually they never got anything. It's all a question of training, OP