Anonymous
Post 01/29/2022 19:04     Subject: How long it took did you date before marrying?
Anonymous wrote:Met at 18. Dated 9 years. Married for 17 now. I think each couple is unique. My husband and I talked about moving in together after college- which is what we did. I would never marry someone I had not cohabitated with; that’s my personal choice. We bought a house and had someone rent our basement. We agreed we would not get engaged until she moved out, because we didn’t want to scare her off. We liked the rent money! We got married 8 months after she moved out.

Ironically, people used to say the same thing to me once I was 25+ and not engaged- “he’s just stringing you along.” Why did they think it was his decision and not mine? That’s just archaic thinking- and it always bothered him more than me. We made our plan and it worked for us. People who think we waited too long are small-minded- and many of them are now divorced.


25 is nothing and you met in HS. However, after 35, the biology is not on the woman's side, and I'm saying this as a mom who had her 2nd at 41 y/o. Unless one freezes her eggs, which is incredibly $$$$ and not guaranteed to work, if a woman wants to get married and have kids, she should not waste her time in her late 20s / early 30s on someone who is not ready to commit TO HER. Men can have their first in their late 50s, we don't have that luxury. I also see a lot of couples getting married in their middle to late 30s and starting having kids right away. They basically have zero time to enjoy their marriage as a couple without kids.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2022 18:24     Subject: Re:How long it took did you date before marrying?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Dated a year before engagement, married a year later.

But we were also 29/31 when we met, and each had a long term, serious relationship under our belts. I think we both really knew what we wanted and who we were, which honestly made it an easy decision. It would have taken longer at 22.

We laughed that we weren't each other's longest relationship until after our son was born!

Been married only four years now, two kids, still deliriously happy.


I remember feeling this confident and self-congratulating four years in as well. Having a prior relationship and feeling certain of your life path at 29 isn’t the trump card you think it is.


Lol. I didn’t read her post as self-congratulating or cocky at all. Happy people clearly strike a nerve for you. I’ve been married for 20+ years and, yes, I think it is a good sign when couples are thriving during the high-stress little kid years.

Your post screams of misery. Get help.


+1
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2022 17:53     Subject: How long it took did you date before marrying?
Met when I was 33 and he was 31. Moved in together after 15 months. Engaged a year after that. Wedding 8 months later.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2022 17:33     Subject: Re:How long it took did you date before marrying?
Almost 8 years, but we started dating in high school and waited until we were almost finished with school
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2022 17:10     Subject: Re:How long it took did you date before marrying?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Dated a year before engagement, married a year later.

But we were also 29/31 when we met, and each had a long term, serious relationship under our belts. I think we both really knew what we wanted and who we were, which honestly made it an easy decision. It would have taken longer at 22.

We laughed that we weren't each other's longest relationship until after our son was born!

Been married only four years now, two kids, still deliriously happy.


I remember feeling this confident and self-congratulating four years in as well. Having a prior relationship and feeling certain of your life path at 29 isn’t the trump card you think it is.


Lol. I didn’t read her post as self-congratulating or cocky at all. Happy people clearly strike a nerve for you. I’ve been married for 20+ years and, yes, I think it is a good sign when couples are thriving during the high-stress little kid years.

Your post screams of misery. Get help.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2022 16:59     Subject: How long it took did you date before marrying?
Dated 6 years before marriage (5 before engagement)
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2022 16:59     Subject: How long it took did you date before marrying?
Dated 7 years before we saved enough money to get married. Met right after HS
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2022 16:54     Subject: How long it took did you date before marrying?
Met at 18. Dated 9 years. Married for 17 now. I think each couple is unique. My husband and I talked about moving in together after college- which is what we did. I would never marry someone I had not cohabitated with; that’s my personal choice. We bought a house and had someone rent our basement. We agreed we would not get engaged until she moved out, because we didn’t want to scare her off. We liked the rent money! We got married 8 months after she moved out.

Ironically, people used to say the same thing to me once I was 25+ and not engaged- “he’s just stringing you along.” Why did they think it was his decision and not mine? That’s just archaic thinking- and it always bothered him more than me. We made our plan and it worked for us. People who think we waited too long are small-minded- and many of them are now divorced.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2022 16:26     Subject: How long it took did you date before marrying?
Dated 28 years. Married 10 before he passed from cancer.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2022 16:25     Subject: How long it took did you date before marrying?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Dated 2 years before getting engaged, but 6 months of that was long distance. That hides a lot. Engaged for 8 months only. Married 10 long miserable years. There was pressure to make a decision due to long distance. I wanted to break up. He wanted to get married. He and my family convinced me...I should have listened to my gut.

We should have stopped seeing each other after a fight at 4 months of dating. We brushed it under the rug. We were not compatible...ever.

I knew I wanted to marry an ex boyfriend after only 3 dates...this guy I wanted to not even walk down the aisle that day but it felt too late to cancel although I was thinking of canceling the entire engagement. I was not happy and felt like my life was over.

Now...I don't think timing matters much. When you know, you know. Meeting an abitrary time deadline does not lead to success necessarily.

My parents dated 5 years. It was a bad marriage as well. They are still miserably married.


Why did you marry him? You wanted to break up! That’s a big red flag that you shouldn’t commit to forever with this person.



Family and social pressure. Obviously, I should have listened to me gut instead of letting others convince me my gut was wrong. He was also an inconsiderate emotional abuser. That did not help.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2022 15:19     Subject: Re:How long it took did you date before marrying?
Acquaintances for about a year (we both liked each other though) and dated for 6 months. We've been married over 20 years.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2022 15:18     Subject: Re:How long it took did you date before marrying?
Anonymous wrote:Dated a year before engagement, married a year later.

But we were also 29/31 when we met, and each had a long term, serious relationship under our belts. I think we both really knew what we wanted and who we were, which honestly made it an easy decision. It would have taken longer at 22.

We laughed that we weren't each other's longest relationship until after our son was born!

Been married only four years now, two kids, still deliriously happy.


I remember feeling this confident and self-congratulating four years in as well. Having a prior relationship and feeling certain of your life path at 29 isn’t the trump card you think it is.
Anonymous
Post 01/29/2022 15:12     Subject: Re:How long it took did you date before marrying?
8 months. We got engaged after 4 months and have been married for 15 years.