Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I try to pay and my father looked at me and said “you will not pay while I am still above ground”. He’s just old school that way, so I gave up trying. He’s nearly 90 and I’m in my mid-50s and making good money, and he still tries to slip me cash from time to time.

Very similar in my family. They like to and they can afford it, but sometimes I get away with paying. We don't go out all that much anyway, so it's not a big deal.

I love this.

With my MIL, she pays.
With my own family, we do.

Anonymous wrote:My parents and inlaws paid always. Now we pay for our kids and their families- always and insist. Can't wait until we all can go to a restaurant again.

Same here. My parents and in-laws never would have allowed us to pay and we will never allow our adult kids to pay. Both my father and my FIL lived into their 90s and they always insisted on paying when we would go out to dinner.

They both would say we pay for you and then you will pay for your kids someday. The older should take care of the younger, that just seems to be the natural order of things. I’m surprised that there are parents who allow their children to pay for them, unless it’s a birthday or anniversary gift.

We live in the same community as my in-laws. We go out with them a lot. We take turns paying. We never split. When we visit my parents, my dad pays. He gets upset if anyone reaches for the check. We only see them a few times a year.

My parents and inlaws paid always. Now we pay for our kids and their families- always and insist. Can't wait until we all can go to a restaurant again.

I always pay. My parents are cheap. They use my visits as an excuse to eat at fancy restaurants and always order the priciest meals on the menu. My husband and I aren’t poor, but I do find this attitude annoying and very par for the couree with them.

My inlaws are the cheapest people around and never ever pay or even offer to pay.

Anonymous wrote:I try to pay and my father looked at me and said “you will not pay while I am still above ground”. He’s just old school that way, so I gave up trying. He’s nearly 90 and I’m in my mid-50s and making good money, and he still tries to slip me cash from time to time.

Same but We’re all a little younger.

Anonymous wrote:I try to pay and my father looked at me and said “you will not pay while I am still above ground”. He’s just old school that way, so I gave up trying. He’s nearly 90 and I’m in my mid-50s and making good money, and he still tries to slip me cash from time to time.

Very similar in my family. They like to and they can afford it, but sometimes I get away with paying. We don't go out all that much anyway, so it's not a big deal.

My parents never pay, and I find that annoying!

I have friends who have issues with their in laws who seem to live very nice lives, until the 'kids' come to town and all of a sudden they leave their wallets at the house.

Anonymous wrote:Sometimes we pay, sometimes they pay, sometimes we split. When we were first married, they paid more often, now that we’re in our early 40s, it’s about even. Same for in laws.

This

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Either my parents pay or we split, unless we are specifically taking them out for a birthday/special occasion.

We don’t eat out with my ILs. It’s more stress than it’s worth for multiple reasons. Sometimes we will order in pizza. They never offer a dime. They have way more money then we do. It’s obnoxious to host them for weeks on end and have to provide everything.

What happens when you visit them?

They never order take out or go out (they live a distance from anything like that anyway) and we are in one of those never any food in their house situations. They once had one package of chicken for 6 adults and 4 children. Along with one can of green beans and one package of dinner rolls because “the children can split a roll.” And my SIL was pregnant at the time and my husband and his brother are both over 6’5”. The grocery store is also 30 minutes from their house. We now buy all the food while we visit and they complain because their daily entertainment prior to COVID was a trip to the grocery store every day to buy exactly 4 slices of lunch meat, exactly 2 slices of cheese, 2 rolls, and one apple to split.

My mom ALWAYS expects us to pay because we “can afford it”. She also LOVES to brag about how much money she gives to charity. She’s our charity.
DH’s dad will always try to pay. DH usually won’t let him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The parents should pay unless you are taking them out or they can’t afford it. If they can’t afford it you should split.

My mom is 93, she always pays.

Why should the parents pay as a default?

+1

We pay when my parents visit us and they pay when we visit them. My parents are crazy generous and they would pay all the time if we let them (which we don't). We always pay for my ILs because we make far more than they do.

Anonymous wrote:Whoever manages to pull their card out first to hand to waiter. It's a race.

Same. We usually let my dad win because it is such a big deal to him but he does enjoy the theater of the race to get out his wallet!