PS OP again and no not everyone EDs.

This is OP. You are misreading the post. I am not freaking out. DS is. I am just trying to figure out how to explain things to him in a way that is as accurate as possible. I don’t know if connections help the way the used to. I know this is the way of the world.

Yes it is mainly that his best friend spilled this after the process. They’d talked about how fun it would be to go to the same school, etc. all along and then my DA felt sort of blindsided. I explained he was under no obligation to say anything and he said he wished he didn’t know.

Keep in mind as others have said he is a teenager and their brains fire up in different ways.

My first response was to be proud for working hard and getting good grades and SAT score and focus only on himself. That he in the end will have greater confidence in himself.

But he is still upset and feels like he was “played.” He said he wouldn’t have applied to so many of the same schools if he’d known. We talked about how he needs to focus on the future.

My question was about how much those connections really work these days and if I can honestly tell my kids, “things have changed and those connections don’t help as much as they did pre-Varsity Blues” vs “sorry, kiddo.”

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe your son is a senior and doesn't have necessary critical thinking skills enough to see the perspective that some people will have more advantages than he does just like he'll have more advantages than some other people. I'm sure your son will get in somewhere. His attitude is what will determine whether or not he thrives and is successful there.

This level of perspective is missing in many adults. In fact, there is an entire "equity" political movement centered on the outrage in reaction t the fact that some people have more advantages in life.

For those public school parents reading the thread, can you post the name of this magic college counselor? We really have no clue. My kid was just like “I think Georgetown is my first choice” but honestly I think that’s because she likes the cupcakes and has seen the spires from the car. I think we need a little help.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS found out his best friend used an extremely expensive, exclusive college counselor. The kids both go to the same Big 3 but my kid used the counselors at school only. DS has gotten better grades and a better SAT score but they applied to a lot of the same schools. His friend told him his dad and the outside counselor have all these high up connections.

The mom emailed and apologized about her kid bragging to mine. He wasn’t supposed to say anything to anyone. This leads me to believe that what he said was probably true.

This is the world and sooner or later my kid is going to find out that money and connections help. But do they help so soon after the varsity blues scandal?

Your kid goes to a big 3, money and connections will work in his favor more than again him.

NP. Are you surprised?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DS found out his best friend used an extremely expensive, exclusive college counselor. The kids both go to the same Big 3 but my kid used the counselors at school only. DS has gotten better grades and a better SAT score but they applied to a lot of the same schools. His friend told him his dad and the outside counselor have all these high up connections.

The mom emailed and apologized about her kid bragging to mine. He wasn’t supposed to say anything to anyone. This leads me to believe that what he said was probably true.

This is the world and sooner or later my kid is going to find out that money and connections help. But do they help so soon after the varsity blues scandal?

In our school, a lot of kids use 'college counselors or ghost writers' for college essays, etc, ADHD drugs for studying, gifts to teachers, etc.. They also pay $$ for SAT prep classes that teach them to the test. This is not a level playing field, welcome to the real world.

Don't for get paying for a diagnosis to get extra time.

Anonymous wrote:DS found out his best friend used an extremely expensive, exclusive college counselor. The kids both go to the same Big 3 but my kid used the counselors at school only. DS has gotten better grades and a better SAT score but they applied to a lot of the same schools. His friend told him his dad and the outside counselor have all these high up connections.

The mom emailed and apologized about her kid bragging to mine. He wasn’t supposed to say anything to anyone. This leads me to believe that what he said was probably true.

This is the world and sooner or later my kid is going to find out that money and connections help. But do they help so soon after the varsity blues scandal?

In our school, a lot of kids use 'college counselors or ghost writers' for college essays, etc, ADHD drugs for studying, gifts to teachers, etc.. They also pay $$ for SAT prep classes that teach them to the test. This is not a level playing field, welcome to the real world.

Anonymous wrote:This seems like a troll because anyone who has been in private school for any length of time knows there are kids there who will get ahead because their parents have money and /or connections.

Honest question. Are there any kids in the Big 3 (or Big 10 or whathaveyou) whose parents don't have money and/or connections.

OP, your son needs perspective. He is certainly old enough to know that unless his parents are Jeff Freaking Bezos, there will always be someone out there with better resources than his parents do. Or that different people use their money and privilege differently. He's not some poor kid who is bound for a community college due to lack of resources.

If this were my kid, I would be wondering how I failed as a parent, that mine grew up with no awareness of his own privilege.

This seems like a troll because anyone who has been in private school for any length of time knows there are kids there who will get ahead because their parents have money and /or connections.

I just want to know what happens! If everyone hasn't pissed you off - post back and let us know!!!

This smells like a troll post. Or else OP doesn't actually know what a "big 3" is. Or it could be both.

Anonymous wrote:DS found out his best friend used an extremely expensive, exclusive college counselor. The kids both go to the same Big 3 but my kid used the counselors at school only. DS has gotten better grades and a better SAT score but they applied to a lot of the same schools. His friend told him his dad and the outside counselor have all these high up connections.

The mom emailed and apologized about her kid bragging to mine. He wasn’t supposed to say anything to anyone. This leads me to believe that what he said was probably true.

This is the world and sooner or later my kid is going to find out that money and connections help. But do they help so soon after the varsity blues scandal?

It's all about status with you 1%ers, isn't it?

You people giving mom a hard time are coming off as insane. A lot of performance and bluster going on here, I think.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Explain to your son what college counseling looks like for his friends attending public schools.

Right? My son went to public school and his guidance counselor tried to tell him to apply only to Rutgers "although you probably won't get in." My son told her, "I hate New Jersey." She just shrugged and ushered him out of her office. That was the extent of his college counseling.

OMG! My college counselor explained that I really should be paying more attention to local secretarial certificate opportunities even though I had all As in top track college classes, a couple of language awards, etc. It was totally profiling me based on her having my older brother, who had been enrolled in voc-ed and was enrolled in a 2 year AA degree.

PP, what happened with your DS? The "I hate New Jersey" quip deserves an SNL skit.

He went to Stanford. Still hates New Jersey.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:“Sometimes it doesn’t feel good when other people have things you wish you could have.”

Actually, "it always sucks when you learn your friend has been lying to you for over a year about something you thought you were sharing in common."

The OP didn’t mention anything about the friend lying.

Come on. They applied to the same schools, they clearly talk about applying, and he never mentioned this. OP's kid just found out his friend has had a thumb on the scale all along. Lying by omission.

TBF, they both have their thumbs on the scale. The friend is maybe pressing a little harder.