Anonymous wrote:LOL missed the detail about poster’s mom being a therapist, shows you how clueless most therapists are.

Mist because of this one?
How dumb.

Never. I call her (she never ever calls me, she says because she pays for long distance calls, which is partly true), say hello, and she is off talking and talking about herself, her friends, her neighbors, etc, until, after an hour or so, I start trying to get off the phone. Sometimes I wonder if she remembers I have a child.
I don’t think she has ever in her life asked me about my job.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want that sort of relationship with her, work on it. Being a mom, doesn’t make her perfect or a therapist. You two can work on it and build a new bond.

That’s awfully simplistic advice

+1. It’s clear that some people have never dealt with narcissistic personalities. Or grappled with the idea that not all mothers healthily attach to their children.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you want that sort of relationship with her, work on it. Being a mom, doesn’t make her perfect or a therapist. You two can work on it and build a new bond.

That’s awfully simplistic advice

Right. You can’t make a parent have interest in you. I’ve spent my whole life trying to get them to have interest in me to no avail.

Anonymous wrote:If you want that sort of relationship with her, work on it. Being a mom, doesn’t make her perfect or a therapist. You two can work on it and build a new bond.

That’s awfully simplistic advice

My kids and I talk on the phone often. We text daily.

Anonymous wrote:Do most people agree that it's odd that the parent expects the child to be the ones doing the calling? I agree the phone works both ways, but I just cannot imagine never calling my child. I honestly want to cry thinking about my child being an adult and never reaching out to her.

I am in my 40s with a husband and 2 kids. My first semester of college my mom would call every few days - back in the land line days - and I was not home (class, library) or heading out to meet friends at the dining hall almost every time she called. She also talks a lot and I would have to cut her off after 10-15 min to go to class or a meeting. She took it personally that I never had time to talk (again because she can’t just have a 5-10 min conversation) and told me she would never call me again. And she hasn’t. In 20+ years. I see her 1-2x a week.

Anonymous wrote:Do most people agree that it's odd that the parent expects the child to be the ones doing the calling? I agree the phone works both ways, but I just cannot imagine never calling my child. I honestly want to cry thinking about my child being an adult and never reaching out to her.

My mom calls me once a year on my birthday. She feels I owe her all other calls. She and my stepdad live a six hour car ride away. She won’t even call to let me know they made it home safely. Ironically, her parents helped her with everything (she was divorced, lived down the street from them). I think she resents being saddled with my sister and I in the divorce, so she doesn’t want to make an effort. I try not to think about it too much because I feel
empty when I do.

LOL missed the detail about poster’s mom being a therapist, shows you how clueless most therapists are.

If you want that sort of relationship with her, work on it. Being a mom, doesn’t make her perfect or a therapist. You two can work on it and build a new bond.

Do most people agree that it's odd that the parent expects the child to be the ones doing the calling? I agree the phone works both ways, but I just cannot imagine never calling my child. I honestly want to cry thinking about my child being an adult and never reaching out to her.

I also have a mother (and maybe father) like that. Every conversations is about her and how great she is at life. There is not much to connect on, especially after I was dealt some blows (went through hard divorce and am now a single parent) and she never once checked in with me.

It used to make me feel unloved. I now think that she does this because she has a version of me in her mind and does not want me messing with her reality of me. She has many photos of me, the kids, and even my ex all over the house and she "talks to all of us daily." And she prays for me that things are going ok... It would be so nice if we actually connected but she prefers to speak to my photo. Shrug

Because of this, I go a bit overboard in trying to connect with my kids. Of course, they don't want/need it lol.
When they are grown, I will call and make efforts to know about their lives.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is fascinating and slightly comforting to me to hear that many others have moms like this.

Same, it's nice not to feel alone in the world.

So sadly comforting. My mom probably hasn't called me in a year? She says I don't have time for her, but if she's going to go on about herself for 2 hours, yeah I'm not super inclined to talk on the phone with her. I know every detail about her work but I don't think she even knows who I work for or what I do.

Anonymous wrote:This is fascinating and slightly comforting to me to hear that many others have moms like this.

Same, it's nice not to feel alone in the world.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don’t ask people I’m close with. I expect we’re close enough you’ll just tell me without standing on ceremony waiting to be asked.

Same. And I'm a kind, empathetic person. Frankly I can't imagine my mom calling up and asking how my health is, how my job is going, etc. It sounds so impersonal. I talk to her constantly so I tell her I'm headed to a follow-up with a doctor or that work has been really busy.

You’re missing the point. OP’s mom just doesn’t inquire about or respond to any information that is share with her mother.

Yes, you don't get it unless you are going through the situation.