That would worry me too!

Glad to hear she likes animals tho!!

Op, people keep pointing out that you seem to favor your older child. I disagree- I vibe from your post that you find your “Wednesday Addams” child to be of superior intellect, precocious, creative, etc. And she may be all of those things. But there are some real flags in your description and I’d talk to a therapist.

I have a fairly noir-ish kid (he even loved the Charles Addams Mother Goose as a toddler/preschooler), but his outlook wasn't uniformly dark. He loved movies with explosions, but people being mean to each other really upset him.

Actual, specific descriptions of serious harm to someone is a red flag.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is fine. Too many boring WASPs in this area. My otherwise boring sister was really into serial killers. I’m a goth myself although you wouldn’t know at work since I’m very high up, only if you were a close friend.

My kid is fascinated by serial killers. Movies about them, documentaries, books, etc - she’s all over them. She does not imagine the deaths of people who annoy her, let alone by a painful and specific way. Her goth was or gore interest are normal. (How else would dateline and 48 hours still be in the air)? This kid goes beyond that.

DP. The two big sticking points for me are that the younger DD has a best friend, and the OP went on at great length about her perfect older daughter. If the daughter were truly disturbed, I can't imagine her having any friends, much less a very close one. That, and OP's expectations that her younger DD would be just like her perfect older DD make me wonder whether OP is exaggerating or pathologizing behavior that is merely edgy.

Anonymous wrote:Your kid is fine. Too many boring WASPs in this area. My otherwise boring sister was really into serial killers. I’m a goth myself although you wouldn’t know at work since I’m very high up, only if you were a close friend.

My kid is fascinated by serial killers. Movies about them, documentaries, books, etc - she’s all over them. She does not imagine the deaths of people who annoy her, let alone by a painful and specific way. Her goth was or gore interest are normal. (How else would dateline and 48 hours still be in the air)? This kid goes beyond that.

Your kid is fine. Too many boring WASPs in this area. My otherwise boring sister was really into serial killers. I’m a goth myself although you wouldn’t know at work since I’m very high up, only if you were a close friend.

Anonymous wrote:I just read The Push and so maybe I’m still thinking about the book, but definitely talk to your pediatrician first, and possibly a child psychologist as well.

Good book!

I just read The Push and so maybe I’m still thinking about the book, but definitely talk to your pediatrician first, and possibly a child psychologist as well.

I have an 11 year old who is similar. I think there is a lot of goth-ish content for the younger set-from Lemony Snicket to tv and movies. The thing that stood out to me as a possible warning sign is not liking people. Does she have friends and enjoy their company? I would be worried about a kid who was social isolated no matter what, but even more so if they are anti-social and having stabby thoughts. For my kid I think some of it comes from having an inside and outside that don't match. To the world she is this tiny pretty girl who must love princesses and butterflies and they treat her accordingly-which she hates!

Anonymous wrote:To be fair, it's hard to tell whether there are real red flags here, or whether OP is just clutching her pearls because her younger DD is much more edgy than her perfectly perfect older DD.

There isn't a good solution, other than OP taking a very close and very long look at what her DD is doing or saying, and whether it's really a red flag. Under-reacting is bad, but overreacting could severely damage OP's relationship with her DD, especially if the DD perceives that OP just wants her to be like her older sister.

100% disagree. She told us what her kid is doing and saying. Much of it is fine. Some does not seem fine. Mom is not qualified to determine if it’s all fine or not. A hard look at it won’t clarify it. She needs some input from professionals. You make it sound like overreacting (seeking help) has to be damaging. It doesn’t. She privately tells the therapist and pediatrician what has been said and done. She makes it clear to her daughter that she’s just seeking input from a therapist because whatever (always healthy to have neutral outlets, etc.). She doesn’t need to say I’m worried about your mental health so we are having you evaluated. Don’t scare the mom into thinking seeking help may ruin her relationship with her kid.

To be fair, it's hard to tell whether there are real red flags here, or whether OP is just clutching her pearls because her younger DD is much more edgy than her perfectly perfect older DD.

There isn't a good solution, other than OP taking a very close and very long look at what her DD is doing or saying, and whether it's really a red flag. Under-reacting is bad, but overreacting could severely damage OP's relationship with her DD, especially if the DD perceives that OP just wants her to be like her older sister.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:…, and loves to take the side of the bad guys when we watch movies or of dictators when we watch the news. She has always said she finds humans terribly unappealing and prefers animals instead…

….When someone annoys her, she employs picturesque depictions of violent ends they will come to, involving stabby things….

The horror part is scary, but leaving that aside, she seems very justice oriented. Her idea of justice might not be yours, nor mainstream, nor correct, but it’s her apparent motivation.

I teach 11 YOs and have two kids of my own. I’d run this second part past the school counselor, OP, whether they were my students or my own kids. Dark poetry and scary, intense stories are normal for this age, yes, but it sounds like you’re describing something different. It sounds like these “picturesque depictions of violent ends they will come to” are about people she actually knows. The fact that you added that these scenarios involve “stabby things” is more concerning.

Talk to the school counselor. They hopefully know your kid, and are trained to deal with this sort of thing.

+1 The school counselor and her pediatrician.

I’d tread very carefully here, OP. If you make a way bigger deal out of this than necessary, you’re potentially going to make her feel confused and ashamed about what she considers a perfectly fine creative outlet. And as she gets to be around 12/13, this could cause some major trust issues between the two of you.

She’s imaging, “employ[ing] picturesque depictions of violent ends… involving stabby things,” for those who annoy her. While
Some of what OP said can be downplayed, this cannot. Liking goth or gore is one thing. Imagining violence on others who simply annoy you is alarming.

+1 Exactly. Op needs to talk to the pediatrician asap. The school probably has a psychologist who can do a quick eval either in person or via Zoom.

I agree. You really need to talk to someone quickly, OP. The verbiage and focus isn't consistent with what I see with my 11 year old students. If I saw a note written that way then I would be down in the counselor's office with the student before you could blink. (MS Teacher)

I’m not saying this kid is Ethan crumbly…but a mom or teacher who posted about the drawings he drew would likely get plenty of responses aging it’s normal, be careful making a big deal about it, I was like this, etc.

I think this is outside what’s normal (in some ways) and should be looked into further by a professional.

Sounds more quirky/gothy/phase-y to me than anything truly alarming. It’s a creative outlet and is about creating her own identity.

-former emo kid

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Define “stabby things” and “violent ends.” Are we talking, like, being poked repeatedly by sharp pencils, actual weapons and gore?

Is stabbing someone (multiple people)repeatedly with a pencil bc they annoyed you, normal thinking for a kid?

I don’t know, I think it depends on context and medium. If these are meant to be amusing, cartoonish drawings, I’d probably not be too concerned. But I was raised Tom & Jerry and Road Runner cartoons. I think I instinctively knew the difference between cartoonish violence meant to amuse and that which would be more cause for concern.

I’m in my 50s. I was raised in the same. It’s still alarming.