Anonymous wrote:OP you should not add yourself as a joint owner on your mothers account! That means you’re entitled to the assets. That’s not OK. You’re basically going along with your old thread, saying you want to cut your brothers out of the will. You can’t just unilaterally decide to add yourself as a joint owner on your mothers account when you have siblings!

Which is exact.y why she wants to do it. She hates her brother, and sounds possibly enmeshed with her mother. Pointedly sitting across from her brothers, and creeping the house to take pictures of a strangers belongings show this is deeper, much much deeper.

Sounds fake.

OP you should not add yourself as a joint owner on your mothers account! That means you’re entitled to the assets. That’s not OK. You’re basically going along with your old thread, saying you want to cut your brothers out of the will. You can’t just unilaterally decide to add yourself as a joint owner on your mothers account when you have siblings!

Anonymous wrote:I"d love to hear the brother's side of this story. OP actually comes across like an awful person if you read all three posts. More invested in showing up her brothers than anything.

NP. OP sounds like she doesn't suffer fools. Her mom is lucky to have her.

Anonymous wrote:I"d love to hear the brother's side of this story. OP actually comes across like an awful person if you read all three posts. More invested in showing up her brothers than anything.

I agree I'd like to hear the other side too.

It's threads like this one that make me glad I'm an only child (even though that comes with a ton of other challenging issues).

You sound like my SIL who is in charge of the aging parents care and doesn’t care to consult with my DH about any decisions. She just expects everyone to go along with whatever she decides. It’s exhausting and frankly a recipe for resentment.

OP update. My mom wanted a meeting with the 3 of us. We went to dinner and my mom and I sat across from my brothers. After ordering I suggested my mom start the meeting. Immediately 1 brother says, “ok mom let’s hear your scripted statement like Biden”. Immediately that made her uncomfortable of course but I reassured her to just tell them what she wants and how she feels. She went on to tell them she appointed me as her POA because I don’t work and have the time, motivation, skill and knowledge of all her medical issues and assets. She told them they both have very busy social lives; girlfriends, gfs families, friends, golfing, football, pool halls, traveling etc… They responded with, “that’s all BS and you should’ve told us first you were appointing her your POA instead of keeping it secret and we don’t trust her, she’s not good with money”. Which is hilarious being the brother saying this has had so many judgements filed against him and just recently didn’t pay her cc causing it to be declined plus I found out business invoices are not being paid because he’s not keeping accurate bookkeeping. My mom was in charge of the bookkeeping for 50 yrs until this past Aug with zero issues!

Next subject was selling her home. . Oldest brother looks at her with tears in his eyes, “mom do you really want to sell your lifelong family home?” She responds, “what the hell do I need it for? I don’t live there anymore”. I was nervous how she would respond but was thrilled a her response. She’s such a rational intelligent woman. Youngest brother starts with we can rent it and I said that won’t produce enough income to pay for her care plus the taxes will skyrocket once it loses its homestead so it needs to be sold plus she can get 100k extra now with the market. They both started yelling at me. After they calmed down the youngest, who stays at her house half the week, tells my mom in a very low voice that a friend of a friend who’s in town that had a death in the family needed a place to stay so he offered a room at her house for the weekend. My mom said what?! I said what?!

I went to her house and took pictures of this persons duffel bag with clothes spilling out of it and a transistor radio with a bent antenna in her bathroom. Omg I can’t make any of this up. I guarantee my brother has put my moms house on Airbnb. I took pics of my moms very expensive porcelain collection as well.

I am putting her house on the market ASAP, eldest brother told me he’s hiring an attorney to fight me and that mom only tells me what I want to hear so she won’t hurt my feelings. I asked my mom about all this and she assured me she wants to stay right where she is and to hold my ground with my brothers! I told her I will but you need to support and trust my decisions. I told her you can’t tell me one thing and tell them another because it’s creating even more of a egregious situation.
I’m consulting with an elder attorney just to confirm my decision making and put me at ease.

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Anonymous wrote:Have you actually evaluated her income vs expenses? For most people 13k per month expenses is not sustainable. I realize you say that your husband is a 'multi millionaire', but your mom likely has a finite amount of money and many years of expenses. I know you don't want to hear it, but your brothers may have valid reason for concern.

This is also a good point. Have you met with a financial planner? 13K/mo is significant. Does she still have income from investments, and are those anticipated to be stable?

OP, you seem naively puppies and rainbows about the situation. You and your mom “thinking” you’re doing a great job does not a long term financial plan make. 13K in expenses a month with no income over year and years with no set end date can become an underwater situation.

It sounds to me like your brothers know your mothers actual finances, but yiu are going out of your way to ignore them and give her things she wants, other than the reality of her situation. That doesn’t benefit her at all, as happy as she’s going to be in the beginning. Care will only get more complex and expensive as she gets older.

Trust me I’ve done my homework. She has an annual income of about 100k a year from her investments. Therefore she needs about 60k supplemented for her care. Selling her home alone will give her 10 years of supplemental money for her care. That’s without touching her savings accounts, investment properties and business properties. At 90 we can look at selling one of her other properties to give her another 10 years. Still not having to touch her investment properties. Get it?

Maybe it is 60k this year, but, funny thing about end of life care, the expenses only go up.

Funny thing so does the income on investment properties.

You might be surprised.

I’m not sure why you’re here asking us for suggestions on what to do. You seem to know exactly what you want to do and no matter what anyone says, you go ahead and do exactly what you want and how you want to do it. There’s no point in answering your questions because you shoot every suggestion down.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you actually evaluated her income vs expenses? For most people 13k per month expenses is not sustainable. I realize you say that your husband is a 'multi millionaire', but your mom likely has a finite amount of money and many years of expenses. I know you don't want to hear it, but your brothers may have valid reason for concern.

This is also a good point. Have you met with a financial planner? 13K/mo is significant. Does she still have income from investments, and are those anticipated to be stable?

OP, you seem naively puppies and rainbows about the situation. You and your mom “thinking” you’re doing a great job does not a long term financial plan make. 13K in expenses a month with no income over year and years with no set end date can become an underwater situation.

It sounds to me like your brothers know your mothers actual finances, but yiu are going out of your way to ignore them and give her things she wants, other than the reality of her situation. That doesn’t benefit her at all, as happy as she’s going to be in the beginning. Care will only get more complex and expensive as she gets older.

Trust me I’ve done my homework. She has an annual income of about 100k a year from her investments. Therefore she needs about 60k supplemented for her care. Selling her home alone will give her 10 years of supplemental money for her care. That’s without touching her savings accounts, investment properties and business properties. At 90 we can look at selling one of her other properties to give her another 10 years. Still not having to touch her investment properties. Get it?

Maybe it is 60k this year, but, funny thing about end of life care, the expenses only go up.

Funny thing so does the income on investment properties.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have you actually evaluated her income vs expenses? For most people 13k per month expenses is not sustainable. I realize you say that your husband is a 'multi millionaire', but your mom likely has a finite amount of money and many years of expenses. I know you don't want to hear it, but your brothers may have valid reason for concern.

This is also a good point. Have you met with a financial planner? 13K/mo is significant. Does she still have income from investments, and are those anticipated to be stable?

OP, you seem naively puppies and rainbows about the situation. You and your mom “thinking” you’re doing a great job does not a long term financial plan make. 13K in expenses a month with no income over year and years with no set end date can become an underwater situation.

It sounds to me like your brothers know your mothers actual finances, but yiu are going out of your way to ignore them and give her things she wants, other than the reality of her situation. That doesn’t benefit her at all, as happy as she’s going to be in the beginning. Care will only get more complex and expensive as she gets older.

Trust me I’ve done my homework. She has an annual income of about 100k a year from her investments. Therefore she needs about 60k supplemented for her care. Selling her home alone will give her 10 years of supplemental money for her care. That’s without touching her savings accounts, investment properties and business properties. At 90 we can look at selling one of her other properties to give her another 10 years. Still not having to touch her investment properties. Get it?

Maybe it is 60k this year, but, funny thing about end of life care, the expenses only go up.

The facts provided put you in the right OP but your tone and general demeanor makes me deeply suspect you are an unreliable narrator. Regardless you seem to have 'won' so congratulations?

I"d love to hear the brother's side of this story. OP actually comes across like an awful person if you read all three posts. More invested in showing up her brothers than anything.

Anonymous wrote:You are a terrible and controlling person. I have a sister like you and I am the distancing myself from her.

Furthermore, their idea of keeping her from falling at night when she needed to get up to use the bathroom was tying her to the bed.