Anonymous wrote:Op, you could have some anxiety. Try to start with hand holding and some kissing and see if it goes to giving him head from that. That would open you up.

Anonymous wrote:There is a book on body language you may want to read. It was written by J Demetrius, a well known jury consultant, but it may help you understand the nonverbal body language you are sending and what to do to change the message if you are coming across as too stand offish to your dates.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think it’s related to dating anxiety. I didn’t have this issue with my ex.

Take it easy on yourself, easier said than do I know, but don't start listening to those clowns who say you have to do XYZ or else. They aren't worth it. Just see dating as fun, and do what comes naturally to you. I suspect that when there's someone you are into the wanting to touch him will come and happen quite organically. I say this as someone who did the online dating there were those I didn't want to touch and those I was daydreaming about doing the deed with from date one and in between.

But what if I have no interest in “doing the deed” with anyone? I mean, is that the only thing there is to post-divorce dating?

Middle-aged man here. If you have no interests in that side of it, you probably need therapy first. Most men are going to expect that as a normal part of a relationship. Not on the first date, but eventually.

I know it wasn’t OP who said this but if somebody doesn’t want to have sex and is okay with that, there is no need for therapy. You’re right that most people want sex as part of a relationship but pathologizing a lack of desire is my pet peeve.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think it’s related to dating anxiety. I didn’t have this issue with my ex.

Take it easy on yourself, easier said than do I know, but don't start listening to those clowns who say you have to do XYZ or else. They aren't worth it. Just see dating as fun, and do what comes naturally to you. I suspect that when there's someone you are into the wanting to touch him will come and happen quite organically. I say this as someone who did the online dating there were those I didn't want to touch and those I was daydreaming about doing the deed with from date one and in between.

But what if I have no interest in “doing the deed” with anyone? I mean, is that the only thing there is to post-divorce dating?

A couple, things if you were previously into xes, I would step away from dating and possibly go into therapy to deal with whatever caused you to lose interest in it.

If you are confident you are firmly asexual then you need to put that in your dating profile.

Not OP, but: JFC.

It is not "asexual" to want to wait to have sex with someone you actually have gotten to know as a person.

It is not "losing interest in sex" to date to get to know a whole person, not just hunt for a sex partner as early in the dating as possible. Nor is it something to pathologize and turn into a reason for therapy.

Some people actually want sex and plenty of it, with the right person, whom they trust, not with someone they've seen for a few hours at time, a couple of times, on their best dating behavior.

It's so very DCUM to consider it asexual or a case for therapy if someone isn't into easy sex, early on. Before you leap in here to say, "But, but BUT the PP said 'What if I have no interest in doing the deed with anyone'! That means no sex at all so she's/he's asexual!" Uh, not necessarily. Whatever that PP means for her or himself, it's all too common on here for posters to insist that dating = sex, period. Dating used to be about getting to know people and then deciding if you wanted to have sex with one of those people -- not "if we date more than once, I expect sex, or there is something wrong with you."

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think it’s related to dating anxiety. I didn’t have this issue with my ex.

Take it easy on yourself, easier said than do I know, but don't start listening to those clowns who say you have to do XYZ or else. They aren't worth it. Just see dating as fun, and do what comes naturally to you. I suspect that when there's someone you are into the wanting to touch him will come and happen quite organically. I say this as someone who did the online dating there were those I didn't want to touch and those I was daydreaming about doing the deed with from date one and in between.

But what if I have no interest in “doing the deed” with anyone? I mean, is that the only thing there is to post-divorce dating?

Middle-aged man here. If you have no interests in that side of it, you probably need therapy first. Most men are going to expect that as a normal part of a relationship. Not on the first date, but eventually.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been OLD for the past 6 months or so, and have found the physical part of dating was at times awkward. For example, how am I supposed to show physical affection during a hike or trip to the museum? Haven’t even gotten farther than that. I think it’s because these guys are basically strangers and it honestly just feels weird to touch strangers. Any advice? One thing I’ve heard is to try to break the touch barrier early, because otherwise it will start to feel like the friend zone. If I have to make a first move, what should I do?

Find a neglected youngest-born who was beat up by cruel older siblings behind parents' backs. Not a youngest born with an 13+ age gap with a normal/cool sib. Not one who owns how crappy a father/mother he had and would raise two kids differently. These guys are often found drinking heavily at bars with a few inches of padding to help with the bruising. Hug him. Bonus:youngest-born guys who married eldest-sisters have the lowest divorce rate of any birth order.

Curious — why this? So specific.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I think it’s related to dating anxiety. I didn’t have this issue with my ex.

Take it easy on yourself, easier said than do I know, but don't start listening to those clowns who say you have to do XYZ or else. They aren't worth it. Just see dating as fun, and do what comes naturally to you. I suspect that when there's someone you are into the wanting to touch him will come and happen quite organically. I say this as someone who did the online dating there were those I didn't want to touch and those I was daydreaming about doing the deed with from date one and in between.

But what if I have no interest in “doing the deed” with anyone? I mean, is that the only thing there is to post-divorce dating?

A couple, things if you were previously into xes, I would step away from dating and possibly go into therapy to deal with whatever caused you to lose interest in it.

If you are confident you are firmly asexual then you need to put that in your dating profile.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been OLD for the past 6 months or so, and have found the physical part of dating was at times awkward. For example, how am I supposed to show physical affection during a hike or trip to the museum? Haven’t even gotten farther than that. I think it’s because these guys are basically strangers and it honestly just feels weird to touch strangers. Any advice? One thing I’ve heard is to try to break the touch barrier early, because otherwise it will start to feel like the friend zone. If I have to make a first move, what should I do?

Find a neglected youngest-born who was beat up by cruel older siblings behind parents' backs. Not a youngest born with an 13+ age gap with a normal/cool sib. Not one who owns how crappy a father/mother he had and would raise two kids differently. These guys are often found drinking heavily at bars with a few inches of padding to help with the bruising. Hug him. Bonus:youngest-born guys who married eldest-sisters have the lowest divorce rate of any birth order.

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been OLD for the past 6 months or so, and have found the physical part of dating was at times awkward. For example, how am I supposed to show physical affection during a hike or trip to the museum? Haven’t even gotten farther than that. I think it’s because these guys are basically strangers and it honestly just feels weird to touch strangers. Any advice? One thing I’ve heard is to try to break the touch barrier early, because otherwise it will start to feel like the friend zone. If I have to make a first move, what should I do?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve been OLD for the past 6 months or so, and have found the physical part of dating was at times awkward. For example, how am I supposed to show physical affection during a hike or trip to the museum? Haven’t even gotten farther than that. I think it’s because these guys are basically strangers and it honestly just feels weird to touch strangers. Any advice? One thing I’ve heard is to try to break the touch barrier early, because otherwise it will start to feel like the friend zone. If I have to make a first move, what should I do?

Are you not hugging hello or goodbye? It’s unusual that one of those doesn’t happen even on a first date. You’re probably giving off a vibe…

OP here. Yes, we are hugging hello and goodbye. Thus far, I’ve been on 6 dates with one guy who did make a first move (goodbye kisses, hand holding, sitting close to each other, etc.). He has covid right now, so obviously not going any farther for now. Prior to this, I had 3 guys get to 4 dates each without touching me at all beyond the goodbye hug. It just feels super awkward. I know I need to relax more…

Anonymous wrote:You're putting way too much thought into this. If you have to plan on how to break "the touch barrier" then either the person isn't right for you, or you're just not ready to date.