Calmly ask "what would you have recommended instead?" Or, "I am sorry I didn't get to know you more before we married. How can I make that up to you now?" Or, "I can see this bothers you. How can I fix it now?" Then wait for an answer.

But really this reflects poorly on them, not you.

Anonymous wrote:OP, why would you expect rational behavior from irrational people? Rational behavior from troubled people?

This is on you -- that this comes as a shock

You’re right. My husband says the same.