No, because they lived in different states and only met about 3 times in person. But I think if they had lived in the same town my mom and MIL would have been good friends. They used to talk on the phone once in a while before my mom passed.

Anonymous wrote:I'll use my brothers as examples, since I have 4. All 4 of their ILs have made an effort to visit once, at a minimum, coming to their hometown. This was all cross country, so it took effort. It was presented as casual, "we happen to be coming through your area .. " but the truth was they went out of their way. Two families spent maybe 1/4 of holidays (some part of the holiday) together due to the kids. One IL couple, who otherwise wasn't around much, was extremely care taking in a crisis - did some nursing of their SIL's parents.

It varies OP. Good people are good people to have around. Bad people, no.

This is a wonderful example. Thank you for sharing it. (Not OP)

Our respective parents live in different East coast cities but get along well and will meet for a drink or something if they happen to be visiting in the other’s city. They exchange holiday cards and have sent flowers after operations and things like that. Not BFFs but enjoy each other’s company. I feel grateful that their relationship is drama free.

As far as I know, they haven’t so much as exchanged holiday cards since our wedding a decade ago. They live on opposite parts of the country and have nothing in common. Different social classes, ethnicity etc.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My parents are very close with my inlaws and my sister's inlaws. We have all vacationed together and we have all celebrated many major holidays together. My parents run like their pants are on fire from my brother's inlaws. Those people, and their daughter, are bat sh1t crazy.

Of course DIL's family you run from but make your sister inlaws feel welcome. Of course. Your mother is a typical MIL.

Hahahahaha!!! You're funny in assuming that my inlaws and my sister's inlaws are nice and normal. They're not. However, neither my inlaws nor my sister's inlaws are insane. My brother's inlaws (and his wife) are. We all run if we see any of them coming around.

So, yes, we frequently vacation and holiday with my parents, my inlaws, my sister's family and my sister's inlaws altogether. We do not do any of those things with my brother, his family or his inlaws. Those people do not know how to go along to get along and the rest of us are not going to deal with their craziness.

Yes. My parents see my ILs as much as they see us (they live closer to one another than to us). My dad would say my FIL is one of his best friends. It’s really cute because they are polar opposites but really play off of one another. We spend most holidays together. Are actually going to all be together for New Years.

I tried. I thought it would be nice. It's not. Unless it is something for the kid like a birthday (which my in-laws rarely want to attend anyway) or a special religious ceremony, I intend to never have our families mix again. So not worth it.

Nope and not for ILs lack of trying. They really wanted everyone to be buddy-buddy. They would make weekly calls to my parents, they would invite them on vacations, they would over share and over ask. My father, God rest his soul, was a big introvert and he hated all that. It's not that he didn't like ILs, he hated all the attention and he just wanted to be left alone on vacations. ILs could never take a hint and would always be offended. "Oh, your parents went on a cruise? Why didn't they tell US?" Or "your Mom is flying in? Well, when is she coming over to our place? She already left and didn't see us?" We've now been married for 20 years and they still want that closeness. My mother avoids them and screens her calls They are nice people but they are too much.

Anonymous wrote:S/o, of course, of the nutty MIL who wants to demand her DIL’s entire family spends Christmas at MIL’s house every year

My parents have only met my ILs once in person, on our wedding weekend. We got married later in life (late 30s) and they live on opposite sides of the country.

I would not want them to be closer. My mom shared inappropriate things about me with my MIL at my wedding (nothing that was a secret and certainly nothing my DH doesn’t know, but she said derogatory things about me at my own wedding to my new family which I consider a real breach of trust) so I have zero interest in them hanging out.

Are your parents and IL’s close? Friendly? If so, how did that relationship evolve? Just curious— I am happy with my current family set up.

It all depends on what you want and how you want it. You don’t need to accept their decisions, politely decline it and say you don’t want to complicate your life and would rather keep two worlds separate, no offense to anyone but your mental health is more important than socialization.

Anonymous wrote:My parents are very close with my inlaws and my sister's inlaws. We have all vacationed together and we have all celebrated many major holidays together. My parents run like their pants are on fire from my brother's inlaws. Those people, and their daughter, are bat sh1t crazy.

Of course DIL's family you run from but make your sister inlaws feel welcome. Of course. Your mother is a typical MIL.

Married 35+ years and my mother and father-in-law met once at our wedding. FIL and my mom at opposite ends of the country. For the best — they would have absolutely nothing in common interest- or education-wise. However FIL forever endeared himself to mom because he sent her flowers when she almost died in a horrible traffic accident. Class act. Mom has recently moved to the area and my husband’s uncle and aunt, sort of surrogate in-laws, have made a point to invite my mom to some get togethers. Very nice of them.

I'll use my brothers as examples, since I have 4. All 4 of their ILs have made an effort to visit once, at a minimum, coming to their hometown. This was all cross country, so it took effort. It was presented as casual, "we happen to be coming through your area .. " but the truth was they went out of their way. Two families spent maybe 1/4 of holidays (some part of the holiday) together due to the kids. One IL couple, who otherwise wasn't around much, was extremely care taking in a crisis - did some nursing of their SIL's parents.

It varies OP. Good people are good people to have around. Bad people, no.

They live in different countries, so not a lot of opportunities to be close, but even if they lived in same city, don't think that personality wise they'd get along to just hang out together. ILs did visit a few times when our kids were babies and we came to my parents for holidays to avoid dragging our infant / preschooler kids on another international flight and duplicate all baby set up at ILs.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Mine are. We used to go to church together and parties too. My family is very direct, and it can be seen as harsh and shocking to those who are not accustomed to it. So my parents reserve a special amount of gentleness for in laws.

That’s good your parents understand that this is a relationship that requires some delicacy. My mom doesn’t get that and especially does not understand that the way she behaves around my ILs can have a long term impact on my relationship with them. Do I keep them separate since my mom doesn’t I derstsnd basic boundaries for some reason.

I’m assuming you are OP? I don’t really want to get into the details of my parents besides to say that are hard people to be around. My in-laws attract so much wonderfulness to their orbit. My in laws absolutely know my parents and see the issues though they are good enough not to say it to me directly. I believe it’s made my ILs even more gentle with me because they know they and my DH are my soft place to land.

My parents are very close with my inlaws and my sister's inlaws. We have all vacationed together and we have all celebrated many major holidays together. My parents run like their pants are on fire from my brother's inlaws. Those people, and their daughter, are bat sh1t crazy.