Anonymous
12/21/2021 10:38
Subject: Parents who were hands off and wish
Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one with a contrarian, obstinate kid who refused almost all proffered help/guidance (including an executive function/ADHD coach, language tutor, SAT class, college counselor, tho reluctantly let us read essay after big resistance)? So kid who is smarter than all get out (except in some ways it matters most, like accepting help when needed), is going to end up at a much less selective school than his IQ would predict, because of his less than perfect gpa, and probably his less than perfect application, which we didn’t review because he wouldn’t show us, except for the essay. It is what it is.
Not the end of the world…surprisingly to some on this board, it doesn’t matter all that much unless you are vying for a top-20 school or staying out of the bottom-third diploma mills. Those who do themselves, and fail but get back up, usually do better in life (mentally, socially, etc) than those with the hovering parents…
Anonymous
12/21/2021 10:37
Subject: Parents who were hands off and wish
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Nope. DH and I each have multiple degrees from Ivies etc etc, but we did not want our kids to be hothouse flowers. We let them do the things they liked and not do the things they hated. We gave support when needed academically (e.g, a few months of math tutoring if they were struggling), but urged them to focus on doing their best without making themselves crazy, not on grades.
DC1 now at a top 50 SLAC and very happy. DC 2 a HS senior and a bit more academic; applying to schools in top 20 and (we hope!) will get into several. Both kids are good humans, kind and funny and creative and smart and resilient.
Maybe they'd both have ended up at HYP if we had enrolled them in math enrichment, violin and Mandarin from an early aged and pushed them from one lesson or sport to another. But I doubt they would be happier people or better humans. I am confident that they will have successful lives and careers regardless.
Why it is necessary to tell us you are Ivy graduates? And let me guess: the top 50 school your kid attends is a CTCL school.
Personal insecurities. Not just one but "multiple degrees"... LOL at that.
You guys are harsh, I read it as "we are exactly they type of parents you would expect to push our kids to get into Ivies because that was our experience and anything less would be failure" -- but her point is that they aren't like that even though you might have expected them to be so.
Anonymous
12/21/2021 10:36
Subject: Parents who were hands off and wish
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is the level of my involvement:
1. I created one Google doc that had the due dates and application requirements for the schools they were applying to.
2. I worked out the schedule and drove them to campus visits.
3. I did the FAFSA form (it's really hard for a kid to do that--so much of it is really about your finances.)
4. I paid for the SAT registration.
5. I proofread their essays. Proofread as in not editing--only just being a second pair of eyes to spot typos or a "there vs. their" type error. The same thing my DH and I do for each other when writing more significant things for work.
That's it. Everything else was on them.
I don't think folks are doing kids any favors with excessive help, because then you just set them up to have a particularly hard crash come freshman year at college.
That's a lot, especially #1.
I did none of this at all. And all of my kids got into top colleges.
Your kids must have attended private schools.
Public.
If your kid is capable of meeting deadlines for their high school classes and understanding what's expected in them, surely they're capable of creating their own spreadsheets to keep track of college application deadlines and requirements.
And we didn't fill out a FASFA because our kids didn't need or qualify for aid.
Anonymous
12/21/2021 10:35
Subject: Parents who were hands off and wish
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is the level of my involvement:
1. I created one Google doc that had the due dates and application requirements for the schools they were applying to.
2. I worked out the schedule and drove them to campus visits.
3. I did the FAFSA form (it's really hard for a kid to do that--so much of it is really about your finances.)
4. I paid for the SAT registration.
5. I proofread their essays. Proofread as in not editing--only just being a second pair of eyes to spot typos or a "there vs. their" type error. The same thing my DH and I do for each other when writing more significant things for work.
That's it. Everything else was on them.
I don't think folks are doing kids any favors with excessive help, because then you just set them up to have a particularly hard crash come freshman year at college.
That's a lot, especially #1.
I did none of this at all. And all of my kids got into top colleges.
It is not a contest. There is no one right way to parent, and our kids are all different.
I think by most standards, this parent was involved and available, but not overbearing.
Either way, they don't need your approval.
Anonymous
12/21/2021 10:33
Subject: Parents who were hands off and wish
Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one with a contrarian, obstinate kid who refused almost all proffered help/guidance (including an executive function/ADHD coach, language tutor, SAT class, college counselor, tho reluctantly let us read essay after big resistance)? So kid who is smarter than all get out (except in some ways it matters most, like accepting help when needed), is going to end up at a much less selective school than his IQ would predict, because of his less than perfect gpa, and probably his less than perfect application, which we didn’t review because he wouldn’t show us, except for the essay. It is what it is.
A common way that learning challenges are caught is that the kid's achievement does not match their IQ. Your child has a disability (I assume, if you hired an executive function/ADHD coach). Perhaps he is trying his best. Love the child you have.
Anonymous
12/21/2021 10:30
Subject: Parents who were hands off and wish
We were hands off and it benefitted all parties involved.
Just yesterday our kid told us what the topic of their essay was for one school.
Let them at least take the lead if you can't be totally hands off
Just yesterday our kid told us what the topic of their essay was for one school.
Let them at least take the lead if you can't be totally hands off
Anonymous
12/21/2021 09:57
Subject: Parents who were hands off and wish
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I understand why the PP mentioned they had graduated from ivies because it offers context. If children grow up in a home where the parents graduated from highly selective colleges it does set an unspoken bar for them academically….there is a presumption they will prioritize academics and aim high on college admissions.
Personally I have no regrets with being hands off……both children were admitted to their top choice ED. They drove the process and we provided advice when asked.
They were aiming, all right. But missing the mark.
Really? One graduated from a top5 LAC and the other is at an ivy and as I said, both applied ED so the hit their mark by definition.
Huh? That PP stated one child was at a top 50 LAC and the other is still in HS.
Obviously a DP....use your head.
Know the DCUM manners. If you are responding to an ongoing discussion identifying you are jumping in. We can’t see you idiot.
-np (like this)
Anonymous
12/21/2021 09:55
Subject: Parents who were hands off and wish
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I understand why the PP mentioned they had graduated from ivies because it offers context. If children grow up in a home where the parents graduated from highly selective colleges it does set an unspoken bar for them academically….there is a presumption they will prioritize academics and aim high on college admissions.
Personally I have no regrets with being hands off……both children were admitted to their top choice ED. They drove the process and we provided advice when asked.
They were aiming, all right. But missing the mark.
Really? One graduated from a top5 LAC and the other is at an ivy and as I said, both applied ED so the hit their mark by definition.
Huh? That PP stated one child was at a top 50 LAC and the other is still in HS.
Obviously a DP....use your head.
Anonymous
12/21/2021 09:49
Subject: Parents who were hands off and wish
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I understand why the PP mentioned they had graduated from ivies because it offers context. If children grow up in a home where the parents graduated from highly selective colleges it does set an unspoken bar for them academically….there is a presumption they will prioritize academics and aim high on college admissions.
Personally I have no regrets with being hands off……both children were admitted to their top choice ED. They drove the process and we provided advice when asked.
They were aiming, all right. But missing the mark.
Really? One graduated from a top5 LAC and the other is at an ivy and as I said, both applied ED so the hit their mark by definition.
Huh? That PP stated one child was at a top 50 LAC and the other is still in HS.
Anonymous
12/21/2021 09:49
Subject: Parents who were hands off and wish
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:This is the level of my involvement:
1. I created one Google doc that had the due dates and application requirements for the schools they were applying to.
2. I worked out the schedule and drove them to campus visits.
3. I did the FAFSA form (it's really hard for a kid to do that--so much of it is really about your finances.)
4. I paid for the SAT registration.
5. I proofread their essays. Proofread as in not editing--only just being a second pair of eyes to spot typos or a "there vs. their" type error. The same thing my DH and I do for each other when writing more significant things for work.
That's it. Everything else was on them.
I don't think folks are doing kids any favors with excessive help, because then you just set them up to have a particularly hard crash come freshman year at college.
That's a lot, especially #1.
I did none of this at all. And all of my kids got into top colleges.
Your kids must have attended private schools.
Anonymous
12/21/2021 09:39
Subject: Parents who were hands off and wish
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I understand why the PP mentioned they had graduated from ivies because it offers context. If children grow up in a home where the parents graduated from highly selective colleges it does set an unspoken bar for them academically….there is a presumption they will prioritize academics and aim high on college admissions.
Personally I have no regrets with being hands off……both children were admitted to their top choice ED. They drove the process and we provided advice when asked.
They were aiming, all right. But missing the mark.
Really? One graduated from a top5 LAC and the other is at an ivy and as I said, both applied ED so the hit their mark by definition.
Here we go again with Ivy... Do you have multiple degrees from ivy too?
Anonymous
12/21/2021 09:35
Subject: Parents who were hands off and wish
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I understand why the PP mentioned they had graduated from ivies because it offers context. If children grow up in a home where the parents graduated from highly selective colleges it does set an unspoken bar for them academically….there is a presumption they will prioritize academics and aim high on college admissions.
Personally I have no regrets with being hands off……both children were admitted to their top choice ED. They drove the process and we provided advice when asked.
They were aiming, all right. But missing the mark.
Really? One graduated from a top5 LAC and the other is at an ivy and as I said, both applied ED so the hit their mark by definition.
Anonymous
12/21/2021 09:31
Subject: Parents who were hands off and wish
Anonymous wrote:This is the level of my involvement:
1. I created one Google doc that had the due dates and application requirements for the schools they were applying to.
2. I worked out the schedule and drove them to campus visits.
3. I did the FAFSA form (it's really hard for a kid to do that--so much of it is really about your finances.)
4. I paid for the SAT registration.
5. I proofread their essays. Proofread as in not editing--only just being a second pair of eyes to spot typos or a "there vs. their" type error. The same thing my DH and I do for each other when writing more significant things for work.
That's it. Everything else was on them.
I don't think folks are doing kids any favors with excessive help, because then you just set them up to have a particularly hard crash come freshman year at college.
That's a lot, especially #1.
I did none of this at all. And all of my kids got into top colleges.
Anonymous
12/21/2021 09:27
Subject: Parents who were hands off and wish
This is the level of my involvement:
1. I created one Google doc that had the due dates and application requirements for the schools they were applying to.
2. I worked out the schedule and drove them to campus visits.
3. I did the FAFSA form (it's really hard for a kid to do that--so much of it is really about your finances.)
4. I paid for the SAT registration.
5. I proofread their essays. Proofread as in not editing--only just being a second pair of eyes to spot typos or a "there vs. their" type error. The same thing my DH and I do for each other when writing more significant things for work.
That's it. Everything else was on them.
I don't think folks are doing kids any favors with excessive help, because then you just set them up to have a particularly hard crash come freshman year at college.
1. I created one Google doc that had the due dates and application requirements for the schools they were applying to.
2. I worked out the schedule and drove them to campus visits.
3. I did the FAFSA form (it's really hard for a kid to do that--so much of it is really about your finances.)
4. I paid for the SAT registration.
5. I proofread their essays. Proofread as in not editing--only just being a second pair of eyes to spot typos or a "there vs. their" type error. The same thing my DH and I do for each other when writing more significant things for work.
That's it. Everything else was on them.
I don't think folks are doing kids any favors with excessive help, because then you just set them up to have a particularly hard crash come freshman year at college.
Anonymous
12/21/2021 09:27
Subject: Parents who were hands off and wish
Anonymous wrote:I understand why the PP mentioned they had graduated from ivies because it offers context. If children grow up in a home where the parents graduated from highly selective colleges it does set an unspoken bar for them academically….there is a presumption they will prioritize academics and aim high on college admissions.
Personally I have no regrets with being hands off……both children were admitted to their top choice ED. They drove the process and we provided advice when asked.
They were aiming, all right. But missing the mark.