Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I definitely don’t think my kid was mean to this kid. My kid does have adhd and you can tell and this kid has always been extremely mature and self regulating so I’m sure he just thinks my kid is annoying. I do think kids should be able to invite who they want. But I would personally tell my kid either just ask half the boys or all the boys. These kids have been at school together since they were two. Just feels ick. Maybe not wrong but just ick

Well, sadly, you just identified the answer.

The answer to what?
Whether it was crappy of the family?
No I didn’t. My kid having adhd doesn’t make it ‘ok’ to exclude him.
It may or may not be ok to do what this kid did. But my kid having adhd has nothing to do with the answer to that question

The answer to why the kid didn’t invite your kid is because he thinks he’s annoying.

Obviously you think his parents should have overridden the boys preferences but this is the age when kids start having more input on who they invite.

This. The birthday boy doesn't consider your son a friend because he's annoying as you suggest, or for other reasons. I don't know why you think that has nothing to do with the problem. This is going to continue to be a problem, so what is your solution to that?

When you have a child with a special need, of any kind, your whole life becomes finding ‘a solution to that’
Of course kids want to leave out other kids who are different, or weird or annoying. And they are entitled to do that up to a point where it’s cruel
As parents we should all teach our children to be considerate and inclusive. That’s where we should be as a society

Sorry but after a certain age there aren't going to be class parties. You have reached that age. You decided leaving 2 out is cruel. Someone else might draw the line at 3. It doesn't matter. There are no consequences to leaving out 2, 3 or 4 kids regardless of whether you think they are "entitled" or not to be able to invite their friends to their party and leave a few kids out. It happens to my kids too, I tell them that they aren't that good of friends with people or they were keeping the party small. There's no mention of cruelty or entitlement because that's a bit much.

+1

At some point you have to help your child deal and give him perspective. Harping on this as cruel I'd not helpful for your child.

In my daughters current class, I’d definitely invite all but 2 of the girls without hesitation. They are both wild and annoy my daughter so much. I would not ruin her birthday by having them there. I don’t care if it’s rude. The amount of angst and drama these girls have caused all year has me void of any sympathy.

Anonymous wrote:I made my child invite the problem kid one year. It was a disaster (things were broken) & it was evident that no one wanted to be around this child.

Yep ! Us too.

Sorry Op. There's a threshold to everything.

It's hard but it's worse to go to a party when no one wants you there.

That’s pretty crappy. How did you find out, OP?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I definitely don’t think my kid was mean to this kid. My kid does have adhd and you can tell and this kid has always been extremely mature and self regulating so I’m sure he just thinks my kid is annoying. I do think kids should be able to invite who they want. But I would personally tell my kid either just ask half the boys or all the boys. These kids have been at school together since they were two. Just feels ick. Maybe not wrong but just ick

Well, sadly, you just identified the answer.

The answer to what?
Whether it was crappy of the family?
No I didn’t. My kid having adhd doesn’t make it ‘ok’ to exclude him.
It may or may not be ok to do what this kid did. But my kid having adhd has nothing to do with the answer to that question

The answer to why the kid didn’t invite your kid is because he thinks he’s annoying.

Obviously you think his parents should have overridden the boys preferences but this is the age when kids start having more input on who they invite.

This. The birthday boy doesn't consider your son a friend because he's annoying as you suggest, or for other reasons. I don't know why you think that has nothing to do with the problem. This is going to continue to be a problem, so what is your solution to that?

When you have a child with a special need, of any kind, your whole life becomes finding ‘a solution to that’
Of course kids want to leave out other kids who are different, or weird or annoying. And they are entitled to do that up to a point where it’s cruel
As parents we should all teach our children to be considerate and inclusive. That’s where we should be as a society

I have a SN child and regardless of the SN, we were often left out of parties but had very large parties that many came to. My child didn't care. This is on the parents and during covid a small party or no party makes sense. But, I have excluded kids that my child was scared of or bullied by and they were very clear they didn't want. It was really rare for my child to complain about another child so if they did, I knew it was serious. For small parties, you have to draw the line somewhere. I prefer to include everyone but I was the only one in our school who did that. I hardly doubt you invited everyone so I find it odd when parents complain but do the same thing.

My son wanted to leave out a boy who he claimed had tortured him in kindergarten and that year, when it came time for his 1st grade birthday party. We had a party at home; I insisted all the boys be invited including the wild boy. All the parents stayed except DS's best friend's parents and this wild boy's. WB constantly leaned in to other people and screamed in their faces, including to my three year old daughter. He broke a vase. He broke one of DH's guitars that was hanging on the wall in a room where the door was closed. He didn't just break the guitar string, but the whole guitar. He went into our daughter's bedroom even though all bedroom doors were closed (the party was outside). He went into the kitchen and looked for snacks. He took another kid's hamburger out of that kid's hand and ate it. He pushed a kid and DH had to lunge to catch that kid so he didn't fall into the BBQ which was on. He sang a dirty word during the happy birthday song, and then smeared DS's name in icing with his finger. He smeared food (ketchup, drinks, cake) on our furniture in the living room. At one point my FIL found him with a lighter and took it away. The lighter was on a shelf so high up I need to stand on a chair to reach it.

In second grade DS begged to not invite him. Maybe he's matured. Maybe he's learned. We should give him a second chance. So even though DS wanted a party at home, we had the party at an event place to preserve our home. Again, the Wild Boy's parents dropped him off. I was able to catch the mom and asked her to stay. She said she was going to Starbucks to relax. Once again this boy wouldn't follow directions, ruined things, hurt other kids, opened DS's gifts, and all together was a disaster. After the party we promise DS never again. We tried. It just wasn't fair to him on what was supposed to be his special day.

I wish this boy could be included. But when he makes things miserable for everyone else, he just can't be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I definitely don’t think my kid was mean to this kid. My kid does have adhd and you can tell and this kid has always been extremely mature and self regulating so I’m sure he just thinks my kid is annoying. I do think kids should be able to invite who they want. But I would personally tell my kid either just ask half the boys or all the boys. These kids have been at school together since they were two. Just feels ick. Maybe not wrong but just ick

Well, sadly, you just identified the answer.

The answer to what?
Whether it was crappy of the family?
No I didn’t. My kid having adhd doesn’t make it ‘ok’ to exclude him.
It may or may not be ok to do what this kid did. But my kid having adhd has nothing to do with the answer to that question

The answer to why the kid didn’t invite your kid is because he thinks he’s annoying.

Obviously you think his parents should have overridden the boys preferences but this is the age when kids start having more input on who they invite.

This. The birthday boy doesn't consider your son a friend because he's annoying as you suggest, or for other reasons. I don't know why you think that has nothing to do with the problem. This is going to continue to be a problem, so what is your solution to that?

When you have a child with a special need, of any kind, your whole life becomes finding ‘a solution to that’
Of course kids want to leave out other kids who are different, or weird or annoying. And they are entitled to do that up to a point where it’s cruel
As parents we should all teach our children to be considerate and inclusive. That’s where we should be as a society

The mother of the birthday boy could just as easily say you need to teach your kid to control his behavior better and may hold resentment toward him for ruining the atmosphere in the classroom.

Invite the other kid out on a playdate someplace cooler than the birthday party.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I definitely don’t think my kid was mean to this kid. My kid does have adhd and you can tell and this kid has always been extremely mature and self regulating so I’m sure he just thinks my kid is annoying. I do think kids should be able to invite who they want. But I would personally tell my kid either just ask half the boys or all the boys. These kids have been at school together since they were two. Just feels ick. Maybe not wrong but just ick

Well, sadly, you just identified the answer.

The answer to what?
Whether it was crappy of the family?
No I didn’t. My kid having adhd doesn’t make it ‘ok’ to exclude him.
It may or may not be ok to do what this kid did. But my kid having adhd has nothing to do with the answer to that question

The answer to why the kid didn’t invite your kid is because he thinks he’s annoying.

Obviously you think his parents should have overridden the boys preferences but this is the age when kids start having more input on who they invite.

This. The birthday boy doesn't consider your son a friend because he's annoying as you suggest, or for other reasons. I don't know why you think that has nothing to do with the problem. This is going to continue to be a problem, so what is your solution to that?

When you have a child with a special need, of any kind, your whole life becomes finding ‘a solution to that’
Of course kids want to leave out other kids who are different, or weird or annoying. And they are entitled to do that up to a point where it’s cruel
As parents we should all teach our children to be considerate and inclusive. That’s where we should be as a society

Sorry but after a certain age there aren't going to be class parties. You have reached that age. You decided leaving 2 out is cruel. Someone else might draw the line at 3. It doesn't matter. There are no consequences to leaving out 2, 3 or 4 kids regardless of whether you think they are "entitled" or not to be able to invite their friends to their party and leave a few kids out. It happens to my kids too, I tell them that they aren't that good of friends with people or they were keeping the party small. There's no mention of cruelty or entitlement because that's a bit much.

I made my child invite the problem kid one year. It was a disaster (things were broken) & it was evident that no one wanted to be around this child.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I definitely don’t think my kid was mean to this kid. My kid does have adhd and you can tell and this kid has always been extremely mature and self regulating so I’m sure he just thinks my kid is annoying. I do think kids should be able to invite who they want. But I would personally tell my kid either just ask half the boys or all the boys. These kids have been at school together since they were two. Just feels ick. Maybe not wrong but just ick

Well, sadly, you just identified the answer.

The answer to what?
Whether it was crappy of the family?
No I didn’t. My kid having adhd doesn’t make it ‘ok’ to exclude him.
It may or may not be ok to do what this kid did. But my kid having adhd has nothing to do with the answer to that question

The answer to why the kid didn’t invite your kid is because he thinks he’s annoying.

Obviously you think his parents should have overridden the boys preferences but this is the age when kids start having more input on who they invite.

This. The birthday boy doesn't consider your son a friend because he's annoying as you suggest, or for other reasons. I don't know why you think that has nothing to do with the problem. This is going to continue to be a problem, so what is your solution to that?

When you have a child with a special need, of any kind, your whole life becomes finding ‘a solution to that’
Of course kids want to leave out other kids who are different, or weird or annoying. And they are entitled to do that up to a point where it’s cruel
As parents we should all teach our children to be considerate and inclusive. That’s where we should be as a society

To OP - how is your son's behavior in class? I'll come right out and say that the kid in my son's class that is constantly bugging the shit out of him, hitting, writing on his clothes, etc, will never get a birthday invite. I will tell my son to deal with it at school, but no, I would never force him to invite the kid to a party. Sorry. At 5, maybe. At 8+, no.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I definitely don’t think my kid was mean to this kid. My kid does have adhd and you can tell and this kid has always been extremely mature and self regulating so I’m sure he just thinks my kid is annoying. I do think kids should be able to invite who they want. But I would personally tell my kid either just ask half the boys or all the boys. These kids have been at school together since they were two. Just feels ick. Maybe not wrong but just ick

Well, sadly, you just identified the answer.

The answer to what?
Whether it was crappy of the family?
No I didn’t. My kid having adhd doesn’t make it ‘ok’ to exclude him.
It may or may not be ok to do what this kid did. But my kid having adhd has nothing to do with the answer to that question

The answer to why the kid didn’t invite your kid is because he thinks he’s annoying.

Obviously you think his parents should have overridden the boys preferences but this is the age when kids start having more input on who they invite.

This. The birthday boy doesn't consider your son a friend because he's annoying as you suggest, or for other reasons. I don't know why you think that has nothing to do with the problem. This is going to continue to be a problem, so what is your solution to that?

When you have a child with a special need, of any kind, your whole life becomes finding ‘a solution to that’
Of course kids want to leave out other kids who are different, or weird or annoying. And they are entitled to do that up to a point where it’s cruel
As parents we should all teach our children to be considerate and inclusive. That’s where we should be as a society

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I definitely don’t think my kid was mean to this kid. My kid does have adhd and you can tell and this kid has always been extremely mature and self regulating so I’m sure he just thinks my kid is annoying. I do think kids should be able to invite who they want. But I would personally tell my kid either just ask half the boys or all the boys. These kids have been at school together since they were two. Just feels ick. Maybe not wrong but just ick

Well, sadly, you just identified the answer.

The answer to what?
Whether it was crappy of the family?
No I didn’t. My kid having adhd doesn’t make it ‘ok’ to exclude him.
It may or may not be ok to do what this kid did. But my kid having adhd has nothing to do with the answer to that question

The answer to why the kid didn’t invite your kid is because he thinks he’s annoying.

Obviously you think his parents should have overridden the boys preferences but this is the age when kids start having more input on who they invite.

This. The birthday boy doesn't consider your son a friend because he's annoying as you suggest, or for other reasons. I don't know why you think that has nothing to do with the problem. This is going to continue to be a problem, so what is your solution to that?

Right but at what point is a ratio needlessly cruel?
Op is saying he invited most but not all of the boys
I would tell my child in this scenario either only invite half the boys or all the boys. Don’t just exclude a couple
Birthday parties are for the kid but doing exactly what you want on your birthday - like any other occasion - should not be at the cost of making others feel bad if by making small adjustment you could just not do that