My MIL always seems mildly annoyed that her gifts get played with for a day or two and then are forgotten - but things my mom buys are constantly out and in use.
My MIL has never once asked us or our kids what they want. She just goes to a local toy store and buys things she thinks are cute.
My mom asks me what my kids are playing with and often buys add-ons, expansion sets, and accessories for things the kids love. She observes what the kids play and determines what they like about those toys and tries to get similar things.

My mom does something similar. I provide her a list of fun things, clothing sizes and other ideas like experiences. She buys a bunch of crap toys and clothing in the wrong size.

In a general conversation we would talk about what I was buying the kids and she would inevitably buy several things off my list and I would then be scrambling to find alternatives for my list days before Christmas.

I just stopped providing any ideas and let the kids talk to her and say what they want. I take note and make sure not to duplicate them.

It's a way to force engagement. You are supposed to feel they are generous and they get lots of back and forth communication. Then it's a power trip because YOU are not telling THEM what to do and they will passive aggressively show you without saying it. It only works if you play the game. You have to show no emotion. When you say next time that they don't listen to your suggestions you will be made out to be too sensitive and crazy. Do not continue the conversation. Drama feeds it. Things will escalate likely before they improve. Don't be surprised if she drags others in telling them how greedy you are asking for gifts and how selfish and ungrateful you are. Heck try having a "no gifts" policy with them. We did that and then they insisted on heaps of junk and were livid when we looked confused and reminded them of the policy. They were even more livid when the kids didn't pretend to be thrilled and just said "I thought we were not doing gifts. You should have donated the money to a charity!"

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
"You never buy the items I actually tell you to get, so now Mom, you're on your own!"

Verbatim.

I agree with some version of this. Stop dancing with her since she won't follow the choreography even though she requested the specific dance.

Trust me, I have. I literally just told her that exact same thing. And every year, same thing, over and over. The thing is, I do try to give her some gifts that are practical in nature (i.e. a new sleeping bag) because otherwise, she will buy some stupid toy or gadget thing that they will never play with/use. I'm not asking her to buy underpants or socks but they are not little kids anymore so they don't want toys. But apparently what I give her is not "exciting" so she doesn't want to give them that. I've also asked her to give them experience stuff--Dave and Buster's cards, bowling gift cards, etc--but nope, it has to be an actual gift. But she needs 8-10 ideas like this, I don't know what to tell her. It's like a vicious circle of hell.

Honestly, I'm over the fact that she rejects some of the ideas. I'm more pissed that the few ideas that she did find acceptable two months ago, she tells me 10 days before Christmas that she isn't getting. And now it's on me.

Oh my god this is exactly my MIL. Exactly. Plus a thousand follow up texts about sizes etc and then she always send 10 things and my older kid likes one of them and one item of clothing. Because we have told her 500 times that she won’t wear anything with lace or anything with tulle or scratchy in any way. It always stinks bemused younger one has a really strong interest that really fits into their stereotypes for little boys (think like dinosaurs) so they literally buy him 10 of those and he loves them but we have SO many of these items I keep asking to do something else for at least some good you know not give 10 gifts- it’s just a mess. Last year they some what listened and I was so encouraged but this his bonkers. I refuse to give any of the items that my kids really want to them and just ask for art supplies or tickets to something in the spring so I can get the couple things they are really looking forward to. If I don’t end up immediately trashing everything for the older one it’s a win,