Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha only helicopter parents engage in such nonsense.

I sent four kids to college. Still have no idea what any of their grades were.

Weird you have 4 kids that don’t talk to you?

That is weird. Much weirder than a parent that wants to see all the grades.

Have your kids sign a FERPA waiver. We did with both. One was SN and needed us to advocate for her. The other didn’t need it but we had an incident in the family where a cousin was kicked out of a very expensive private for which her mother was paying and her mother would have never known had not a letter come to their residence informing the student that she could not return until she had gone to community college and take certain courses and get a certain grade. The parents were livid that the school had never informed them. So we had our children file the waivers.

My kid is a college senior.

I may have thought of this before she started school, but honestly it has been a non issue.

I would not even know how to look (if she did grant me permission, which I can't remember). She tells me her grades, and has done well. I guess I am lucky.

It is FAR more important that your kid grants you access to their MEDICAL information. If they have a mental health crisis or are found unconscious somewhere, you want to be able to talk to the doctors caring for him/her.

One did, one didn’t. We are paying full freight for both, but once we started getting “congratulations on you child making Dean’s list” for the one that didn’t we’ve been fine with it.

I would love to have access, and initially my son gave it to me in freshman year. However, maintaining access is difficult with the system constantly requiring a confirmation from a push notification from the student's phone. After a while, I just stopped. He sends me a screenshot of his grades every semester and it's fine.

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha only helicopter parents engage in such nonsense.

I sent four kids to college. Still have no idea what any of their grades were.

I wouldn’t ignore my other investments and I don’t plan on ignoring this one. I expect to be able too see end of semester grades.

Anonymous wrote:Yeah all that FERPA was a pain in the neck when my kid had unexpected paranoid schizophrenia Freshman year. What a terrible way to manage mental health at college.

Yes. It’s hard. That is why it’s best to just have them sign documents as a rule. Mental illness between 18-25 is way too common.

My friend is dealing with a son who was put on an emergency hold by his RA last week (though he went willingly).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha only helicopter parents engage in such nonsense.

I sent four kids to college. Still have no idea what any of their grades were.

Did you pay 300K for each?

We paid full fare for each kid. Some public, some private. I don't understand why you think it's necessary to hover over your adult child in college. If they did enough in high school to satisfy you that they're serious students, why can't you trust them in college?

Because it would be an extremely different environment.

Right. One in which they'd be ADULTS.

It’s weird that you think adults don’t need to talk ever again, or share, or reach out for support.

We’re you abused as a child and have issues with bonding?

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha only helicopter parents engage in such nonsense.

I sent four kids to college. Still have no idea what any of their grades were.

Weird you have 4 kids that don’t talk to you?

I do not check my college or high school students' grades. Both let me know how they are doing and are responsible for their own learning. My college student is independent and should he do poorly or lose his scholarship or fail out, he will need to bear the consequences of those choices.

Yeah all that FERPA was a pain in the neck when my kid had unexpected paranoid schizophrenia Freshman year. What a terrible way to manage mental health at college.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a few reasons:

- so he knows we know without us having to ask or nag
- so we can intervene if needed - he would NEVER ask us
- it's expensive and it is an investment
- he would be states away and it is a way to be able to know what is going on
-it would be conditional and maybe just freshman year

This is the definition of helicopter parenting. You son is an adult. He needs to figure out when to intervene himself. If he's not asking you, it's because he doesn't want you to intervene. You probably think it's because he doesn't know he needs help, but I guarantee you, by the time he's 18, he knows when he's screwing up. Let him breathe and figure out how to fix failure on his own. Otherwise you'll be intervening at his job, in his marriage, etc.

I get what you are saying re the slippery slope. What it comes down to for me I guess is the financial outlay for college and the responsibility we have and he has to make sure it is money well spent.

This says that you only care about your money, not about your son. If that is the case, then don't pay. Send him to the school where he will make the same mistakes, but you don't suffer the financial consequences.

+1. In addition, you clearly want to provide oversight and said you’ll have a better idea of how things are going if he’s right down the road. Make him stay local. You’ll feel better if you can intervene quickly.

My freshman gave us access. We still mostly so that we can pay the tuition bill, but technically I could look at semester grades. I probably won’t have to; my kid is pretty open about assignment grades (which don’t appear in the portal anyway) and if the grades drop below a 3.3 GPA we’ll find out regardless when DC ends up on academic probation.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:For a few reasons:

- so he knows we know without us having to ask or nag
- so we can intervene if needed - he would NEVER ask us
- it's expensive and it is an investment
- he would be states away and it is a way to be able to know what is going on
-it would be conditional and maybe just freshman year

This is the definition of helicopter parenting. You son is an adult. He needs to figure out when to intervene himself. If he's not asking you, it's because he doesn't want you to intervene. You probably think it's because he doesn't know he needs help, but I guarantee you, by the time he's 18, he knows when he's screwing up. Let him breathe and figure out how to fix failure on his own. Otherwise you'll be intervening at his job, in his marriage, etc.

I get what you are saying re the slippery slope. What it comes down to for me I guess is the financial outlay for college and the responsibility we have and he has to make sure it is money well spent.

This says that you only care about your money, not about your son. If that is the case, then don't pay. Send him to the school where he will make the same mistakes, but you don't suffer the financial consequences.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ha ha only helicopter parents engage in such nonsense.

I sent four kids to college. Still have no idea what any of their grades were.

Did you pay 300K for each?

We paid full fare for each kid. Some public, some private. I don't understand why you think it's necessary to hover over your adult child in college. If they did enough in high school to satisfy you that they're serious students, why can't you trust them in college?

Because it would be an extremely different environment.

Right. One in which they'd be ADULTS.