Anonymous wrote:What he did was absolutely wrong, but I think it would be very very difficult to prosecute. I also think it is healthiest for your daughter to MOVE ON with the help of a professional.

Depends on the state and the lawyer. Could be done.

They could also just press police charges and let the district attorney go after him.

Sometimes the healthiest thing for w9men and girls to do is to fight back and feel strong in their own agency.

Anonymous wrote:This is why 14 year old girls should not be dating 17 year old boys. It’s horrible what happened to her, but it wasn’t criminal. But it was poor judgement on the part of her parents to let the relationship start in the first place.

Spoken like the parent of very young DC. Not "Let the relationship start" LOL- you can't control their feelings, you can forbid visits only to force them to hide it. Better to counsel her on self-esteem and consent etc than not "letting the relationship start" which parents of teens know isn't possible.

What he did was absolutely wrong, but I think it would be very very difficult to prosecute. I also think it is healthiest for your daughter to MOVE ON with the help of a professional.

I would try and prosecute the young man if it were my daughter. He may not get jail time but there will be red flags that will make it harder for him to d9 this to more young women.

He could actually get sentenced due to his being a senior and she a freshman, and that fact that she said no many time in the beginning. There is a lot more known now about how women, let alone young teen females, are coerced into sex against their will. It is not right, and he should be held accountable for how his actions and manipulation hurt a young woman to the point where she is self harming.

Recently, the majority of statutory rape cases involved two teenagers, one of whom was over the legal age of consent and the other younger than the legal age of consent. In some states this problem was so bad that a 17-year-old boy that had consensual sexual relations with a 15-year-old girl would face up to 20 years in prison. This was not a rare occurrence; many of these teenagers who were caught up in this legal maelstrom were otherwise model teenagers. Many people have argued that these harsh penalties were not in line with the original intent of statutory rape legislation, to prevent naive youths from manipulative older men. 

In the case of the 17 and 15-year-old couple, this was obviously not the case. The public outcries necessitated the action of law makers to make the law fairer for cases of statutory rape that involve younger offenders. After all, the very basis of statutory rape is developmental. Statutory rape laws are based on the average mental age at which a person can make a rational decision to consent to sex. As a result, lawmakers struck a compromise between people who believed statutory rape punishments to be too harsh and people who were for statutory rape legislation.

The changes to the corpus of many states’ statutory rape law are collectively known as Romeo and Juliet laws. Romeo and Juliet laws uphold the illegality of consensual sex between an older male and a younger female but offer lesser sentences as a result of this legislative compromise. Romeo and Juliet laws also make a further distinction between child molestation and statutory rape. Many states define child molestation as an adult performing a sex act on a child younger than 12. 

Many states have changed their statutory rape laws to fit this definition, adopting a new class of statutory rape that stipulated that a teenager can legally have consensual sex with a 14, 15, or 16 year-old provided that the other sex partner is within four years of those ages. Persons who have sex with teenagers that are any higher than four years of those ages are subject to prosecution.

Romeo and Juliet laws offer a different approach to the prosecution of statutory rape in cases that involve two teenagers. Defense lawyers can use the fact there is a small difference in each party’s age to reduce sentencing. Some state’s have Romeo and Juliet laws that downgrade the severity of the crime from felony to misdemeanor to make a teenage offender eligible to be sentenced to probation. Prison sentences are much shorter with Romeo and Juliet laws usually 1-4 years, depending on the severity of the crime.

Romeo and Juliet laws are a means of gaining judicial consensus between the legal system and the public and is generally successful in that right. However, some argue that the provisions of Romeo and Juliet legislation do not go far enough in making the law more equitable for teenagers. 

Many states still neglect to adopt added protections for cases of homosexual statutory rape, resulting in cases of discrimination at the bench. In addition, many argue that the provisions do address the issue that the law unfairly disregards the question of consent. Compromises often do not satisfy everyone but they are important steps in creating better legislation that would serve all well.

Anonymous wrote:My niece, 14-year-old freshman, dated a 17-year-old senior at her high school. She liked him because he was popular and smart. He found out that she liked him and asked her out. With the exception of one date where they saw a movie, their relationship consisted of him driving her to his house during lunch period and things progressed sexually. She did not want to have sex, told him she didn’t want it, but he pressured her and coerced her. Told her he would break up with her if she didn’t. She reluctantly went through with it but hated it. She eventually started cutting herself and other self-harm. After he graduated, he called her to say he was breaking up with her because he was going to college. She became depressed and had substance abuse issues. She is in therapy. Is what happened to her just poor judgment or self esteem on her part, or did the guy commit some kind of actionable offense against her?

What state? Different state laws even for Romeo and Juliette laws.

He could possibly be prosecuted as an adult since he was a senior.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all asshole behavior is a crime.

This boyfriend sounds like a tool but come on, saying “I’ll break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not rape. If she had been a little older and wiser she probably would have seen this for the red flag that it is. He was selfish. He sounds like a crappy boyfriend and not a great person. That doesn’t make him a rapist though.

I hope your niece gets help and I hope she stays away from the jerk guys in the future.

saying he'll break up with her can be considered a threat

He’s not obligated to continue to date her! We are failing our girls if we don’t tell them that sex can create feelings of attachment, especially for girls and young women. It’s an intimate act. I feel terrible for this girl, and yes, the guy sounds like a horrible person, but what he did wasn’t criminal. We need to do a better job with our girls and the messages we give them about sex.

Disagree and agree.

The young man should be held accountable.

Yes girls need to be warned.

Anonymous wrote:I mean, if she consented, however reluctantly, and he didn't use force or threats of physical harm, it's probably not a crime (unless it runs afoul of the statutory rape laws in the jurisdiction). But it's not just "boys will be boys"; this guy is a predator, and I wouldn't be surprised if he doesn't use alcohol, and perhaps even force, to coerce girls into sex as he heads off to college. I'm sorry for your niece, and hope she's getting effective help from her therapist and family.

no not at that age

It sounds like no one talked to her about boys, and that they really do not like you if they are pressuring you for sex. The boy is no angel, but what he did was not a crime. Unethical yes.

I would focus on empowering her so she doesn’t become vulnerable to strong personalities in her future-bosses, spouses, etc. help her find her inner voice. there is no shortage of people who will take advantage of her if she isn’t clear on her own wants and needs. I don’t think it’s helpful to encourage a victim mentality in her. I’m not even 100% sure he was an a-hole. He may feel that sex was part of the relationship deal, many teens do, and sure he should have been a more considerate lover, but if he had stayed with her through college would she still feel devastated? Obviously she needs therapy for all the issues described but I don’t think her problems begin (or end) with him.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all asshole behavior is a crime.

This boyfriend sounds like a tool but come on, saying “I’ll break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not rape. If she had been a little older and wiser she probably would have seen this for the red flag that it is. He was selfish. He sounds like a crappy boyfriend and not a great person. That doesn’t make him a rapist though.

I hope your niece gets help and I hope she stays away from the jerk guys in the future.

saying he'll break up with her can be considered a threat

LOL!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all asshole behavior is a crime.

This boyfriend sounds like a tool but come on, saying “I’ll break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not rape. If she had been a little older and wiser she probably would have seen this for the red flag that it is. He was selfish. He sounds like a crappy boyfriend and not a great person. That doesn’t make him a rapist though.

I hope your niece gets help and I hope she stays away from the jerk guys in the future.

saying he'll break up with her can be considered a threat

He’s not obligated to continue to date her! We are failing our girls if we don’t tell them that sex can create feelings of attachment, especially for girls and young women. It’s an intimate act. I feel terrible for this girl, and yes, the guy sounds like a horrible person, but what he did wasn’t criminal. We need to do a better job with our girls and the messages we give them about sex.

I do not know if he was a jerk or not. All we know is what OP(the aunt?) is telling us. She is protective and concerned about the girl. OP is not an unbiased person and goes out of her way to blame the boy. The girl is depressed, cutting her self and has substance abuse issues. Her is in therapy. He broke up with her because he is going off to college. Should he have continued the relationship? Should he continue to date someone who is depressed, cutting themselves and has substance abuse? Should he be arrested and charged with rape based on what OP says? I wonder if OP has even talked to her about this or is just getting the story second hand from the parents?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LoIw self esteem on her part and he was too old for her. Not defending him, but we as parents/adults need to be protecting and advising our teens better.

And as a mother of a boy, I would be very suspicious if he starting dating girls that were many years younger than him in high school.

As the mother of a boy, I was pretty suspicious and not at all pleased when a 18 yr old senior (girl) started dating my 15 yr old sophomore. I did not allow her to drive him anywhere and kept a close eye on that--it didn't last long as a result.

What could have happened? Asking as a mom to a younger boy.

Dp here, but presumably pushed him into a sexual relationship he wasn’t ready for? I’m not really keen on my kid having sex at 15.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:LoIw self esteem on her part and he was too old for her. Not defending him, but we as parents/adults need to be protecting and advising our teens better.

And as a mother of a boy, I would be very suspicious if he starting dating girls that were many years younger than him in high school.

As the mother of a boy, I was pretty suspicious and not at all pleased when a 18 yr old senior (girl) started dating my 15 yr old sophomore. I did not allow her to drive him anywhere and kept a close eye on that--it didn't last long as a result.

What could have happened? Asking as a mom to a younger boy.

Some girls are very aggressive and boys are taught to respect/do what the girl wants. Maybe your boy does like or find the older girl attractive but now feels like he does not have a choice.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not all asshole behavior is a crime.

This boyfriend sounds like a tool but come on, saying “I’ll break up with you if you don’t have sex with me” is not rape. If she had been a little older and wiser she probably would have seen this for the red flag that it is. He was selfish. He sounds like a crappy boyfriend and not a great person. That doesn’t make him a rapist though.

I hope your niece gets help and I hope she stays away from the jerk guys in the future.

saying he'll break up with her can be considered a threat

He’s not obligated to continue to date her! We are failing our girls if we don’t tell them that sex can create feelings of attachment, especially for girls and young women. It’s an intimate act. I feel terrible for this girl, and yes, the guy sounds like a horrible person, but what he did wasn’t criminal. We need to do a better job with our girls and the messages we give them about sex.