Anonymous wrote:I am a woman in my early 50s, married since late 20s. Friends of mine from HS who are male, who I've been friends with for decades, are still my friends. Nothing romantic or sexual, we've known each other for what feels like forever.

I work in a customer service industry, and have male clients (not really the right word, but close enough) whom I have become friendly with. I am happily married, they are happily married, and yes, we are friends. Meaning, if I left the job tomorrow, we would stay in touch, go out for a meal, and remain friends.

Anonymous wrote:Harry Burns: You realize of course that this means we could never be friends.
Sally Albright : Why not?
Harry Burns : What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright : That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns : No you don't.
Sally Albright : Yes I do.
Harry Burns : No you don't.
Sally Albright : Yes I do.
Harry Burns : You only think you do.
Sally Albright : You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns : No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright : They do not.
Harry Burns : Do too.
Sally Albright : They do not.
Harry Burns : Do too.
Sally Albright : How do you know?
Harry Burns : Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright : So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns : No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright : What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns : Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright : Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns : I guess not.
Sally Albright : That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

Anonymous wrote:Not all men are Neanderthals, many are capable of having friendships with women without wanting sex.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, but honestly I only made close male friends before marriage; since then it's maintenance of those old friendships, and maybe friendly co-workers/spouses of friends.

Anonymous wrote:The thing I find amusing about this question is the concept that all men want to have sex with all women and therefore can't be friends with a woman without at some point wanting sex with her. If I were a man I'd find this a little insulting. I guess what goes along with that is the idea that a man won't want to be friends with a women unless he also finds her sexually desirable.

Bottom line for me, in my 60s now, is that I have certainly had male friends over the years, both when I was married and when I wasn't. Although there may have been some element of sexual attraction I have never had the problem of either of us not being able to ignore that if, for instance, we were unavailable or if it wasn't mutual.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No not really. You can be acquaintances at best, or friends in a group or as couples. Men don’t want a close 1:1 woman friendship. They just don’t.

See, this is sexist. It's like thinking homosexuals present in one way, and heteros in another. People are people and you will get various personalities associated with various genders and sexual orientations.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:In theory, yes, but in reality, one usually has or develops romantic hopes or feelings for the other eve if they never verbalize it to that person

So what, this is probably true in many same sex friendships as well, just completely repressed due to social norms. Some of the feelings I’ve had for women friends have been very intense.

I think we probably have thoughts and feelings of all kinds for all kinds of people in all kinds of relationships — parents, teachers, colleagues, etc. It doesn’t prevent those relationships from going forward. Reality is complicated.