We are fairly observant, and will miss a night or two, but usually because we light the hanukkiah with friends at their house, or go to an event where there is a hanukkiah lighting. There are many activities you can do for Hanukkah besides candle lighting if you want to get the kids to bed (some nights I light the candles after putting them to sleep). We make sufganiyot, various types of fried (or air-fried) levivot, arts and crafts projects, lots of Hanukkah music in the car. It’s a minor holiday, but we put some energy into it. We don’t celebrate Christmas and usually try to travel around that time when it’s not Covid.

We are pretty observant and we don;t always remember to light Hanukkah candles. It is a pretty minor holiday and between sports practices, work etc it does not always happen. Personally, I am not a big fan of Hanukkah - it always seemed like a holiday that has been artificially elevated due to its proximity to Xmas. But my family will all be dancing up a storm for Simchat Torah!!!

OP, what does your family do for Passover and the high holidays? I think those are more important that Hanukkah.

Anonymous wrote:We’re only vaguely part-Jewish and some nights we don’t get around to doing it. But the first and last night always happen, and then a smattering of the other nights.

vaguely to whom?

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I like the electric menorah idea! I’ll look into that.

I guess I’m annoyed at my DH - like, celebrating Jewish holidays is SO important but you can’t be bothered to light the candle every night? It confuses my kids too, to tell their friends they celebrate Hanukkah but only kind of.

Ugh. I hate to have to be the one who takes the lead on a holiday that isn’t even part of my tradition.

Maybe this thread should be moved to the relationship forum. (Not really, but I guess this is more of a marriage issue than a religion issue).

That's fair. Honestly, it's his holiday, so he should do it. Apparently it's not that important to him. Actions speak louder than words, and all that.

We are Jewish and religiously (haha) light the candles nightly, say the prayers, sing the songs, etc. BUT we don't scruple to blow them out a couple mins later and re-light them later when kids are in bed. I'm not leaving lit candles burning while I take my little kids up for bed. And the youngest is still in the "trying to touch the candle" phase. We do the same for Shabbat candles. Safety is paramount. (In case that's a concern. Because as another PP said, the actual lighting takes about 1 minute.)

If I was married to a Jew, I would want to light the candles every night! It doesn't take a lot of time, and from my poor font of knowledge, it seems as if it's the most important symbol of the Holiday, no? The presents don't matter as much. I don't know any songs or prayers, so maybe we wouldn't do that, except perhaps the first day, or whichever day is more important, if there is one.

Apologies for my ignorance.

Religion makes people nasty, it clouds your judgement

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for trying, OP and PP, but this is an argument for Judaism to continue to depend on matrinineal descent. Mothers are the primary transmitters of culture to their children. Raise your children in your own culture and invite your husband's to step up if they can be bothered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I like the electric menorah idea! I’ll look into that.

I guess I’m annoyed at my DH - like, celebrating Jewish holidays is SO important but you can’t be bothered to light the candle every night? It confuses my kids too, to tell their friends they celebrate Hanukkah but only kind of.

Ugh. I hate to have to be the one who takes the lead on a holiday that isn’t even part of my tradition.

Maybe this thread should be moved to the relationship forum. (Not really, but I guess this is more of a marriage issue than a religion issue).

You should totally sign up for PJ Library - free Jewish books for kids.
https://pjlibrary.org/home?gclid=Cj0KCQiA-qGNBhD3ARIsAO_o7ykApWsHBzqWLy5bNyBah3hyd620UFiO2eh7uOvjn35F9OLPeGi1OF4aAiNtEALw_wcB

I’m from the first page - half Jew - married a Jew who said he wants us to raise our kids Jewish. I said fine but yes somehow I’m the one that’s like - I want us to join a synagogue so they have other Jewish friends etc. it is annoying.

That’s unfair. I am a non-Jewish mother but I am the one doing Hannukah presentations in my kids’ schools and lighting the candles and taking my kids to Temple. DH can’t be bothered. Non-Jewish spouses can be strong advocates too.

I guess? And thank you. But how do we know you're getting it all right? Holiday celebrations are only part of a culture's worldview. And any shul that calls itself a "temple" is already pretty weak on transmitting richer cultural heritage.

Hope you are proud of spreading sinat hinam

Srsly.

I guess you can tell Temple Micah, Temple Sinai, Temple Rodef Shalom and Temple Emanuel to suck it for being so weak on Jewish culture!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for trying, OP and PP, but this is an argument for Judaism to continue to depend on matrinineal descent. Mothers are the primary transmitters of culture to their children. Raise your children in your own culture and invite your husband's to step up if they can be bothered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I like the electric menorah idea! I’ll look into that.

I guess I’m annoyed at my DH - like, celebrating Jewish holidays is SO important but you can’t be bothered to light the candle every night? It confuses my kids too, to tell their friends they celebrate Hanukkah but only kind of.

Ugh. I hate to have to be the one who takes the lead on a holiday that isn’t even part of my tradition.

Maybe this thread should be moved to the relationship forum. (Not really, but I guess this is more of a marriage issue than a religion issue).

You should totally sign up for PJ Library - free Jewish books for kids.
https://pjlibrary.org/home?gclid=Cj0KCQiA-qGNBhD3ARIsAO_o7ykApWsHBzqWLy5bNyBah3hyd620UFiO2eh7uOvjn35F9OLPeGi1OF4aAiNtEALw_wcB

I’m from the first page - half Jew - married a Jew who said he wants us to raise our kids Jewish. I said fine but yes somehow I’m the one that’s like - I want us to join a synagogue so they have other Jewish friends etc. it is annoying.

That’s unfair. I am a non-Jewish mother but I am the one doing Hannukah presentations in my kids’ schools and lighting the candles and taking my kids to Temple. DH can’t be bothered. Non-Jewish spouses can be strong advocates too.

I guess? And thank you. But how do we know you're getting it all right? Holiday celebrations are only part of a culture's worldview. And any shul that calls itself a "temple" is already pretty weak on transmitting richer cultural heritage.

Hope you are proud of spreading sinat hinam

I don't know . . . Hanukkah is fun but it has no religious significance. It seems like a weird one to focus on if you want to connect to Judaism. That's a very Christian-centric way of looking at things.

Next year, try acknowledging Rosh Hashanah with some yummy apple and honey cake and talk about how the Jewish calendar is different than the Gregorian... or a Passover seder, plenty of Jewish families are very happy to host you! In fact, that is part of Passover, hosting "strangers." Even Sukkoth or Purim have more significance and can be fun for kids. You can make a Sukkah in the backyard, have a meal there.

Light the lights, don't light the lights. But don't hang your kid's connection to their Jewish identity on Hanukkah.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for trying, OP and PP, but this is an argument for Judaism to continue to depend on matrinineal descent. Mothers are the primary transmitters of culture to their children. Raise your children in your own culture and invite your husband's to step up if they can be bothered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I like the electric menorah idea! I’ll look into that.

I guess I’m annoyed at my DH - like, celebrating Jewish holidays is SO important but you can’t be bothered to light the candle every night? It confuses my kids too, to tell their friends they celebrate Hanukkah but only kind of.

Ugh. I hate to have to be the one who takes the lead on a holiday that isn’t even part of my tradition.

Maybe this thread should be moved to the relationship forum. (Not really, but I guess this is more of a marriage issue than a religion issue).

You should totally sign up for PJ Library - free Jewish books for kids.
https://pjlibrary.org/home?gclid=Cj0KCQiA-qGNBhD3ARIsAO_o7ykApWsHBzqWLy5bNyBah3hyd620UFiO2eh7uOvjn35F9OLPeGi1OF4aAiNtEALw_wcB

I’m from the first page - half Jew - married a Jew who said he wants us to raise our kids Jewish. I said fine but yes somehow I’m the one that’s like - I want us to join a synagogue so they have other Jewish friends etc. it is annoying.

I am the half Jewish PP - and my mom is the Jewish one FWIW. You should be glad my husband brought me more into the fold and you got 3 more

If your mom is Jewish you are not half. You are Jewish full stop.

We light the menorah every night but wouldn’t stress about missing a night if there were a reason. I agree with OP that this seems like an issue with DH that isn’t actually about religion. My DH is not Jewish and I do not expect him to take the lead on Jewish holidays. BUT he always plays a big supporting role: buying the doughnuts for Hanukkah or ordering the brisket for Passover or doing all of the dishes for all of the hosting. (Judaism = food in our house…)

My Jewish in laws joke about the boxes of candles lasting them for years because they only occasionally light the menorah. I don’t know what their parents did, but that is how my husband was raised. We did one night so far this year-the one when we were all home at sundown. Probably won’t do another.
It’s fine for us.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for trying, OP and PP, but this is an argument for Judaism to continue to depend on matrinineal descent. Mothers are the primary transmitters of culture to their children. Raise your children in your own culture and invite your husband's to step up if they can be bothered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I like the electric menorah idea! I’ll look into that.

I guess I’m annoyed at my DH - like, celebrating Jewish holidays is SO important but you can’t be bothered to light the candle every night? It confuses my kids too, to tell their friends they celebrate Hanukkah but only kind of.

Ugh. I hate to have to be the one who takes the lead on a holiday that isn’t even part of my tradition.

Maybe this thread should be moved to the relationship forum. (Not really, but I guess this is more of a marriage issue than a religion issue).

You should totally sign up for PJ Library - free Jewish books for kids.
https://pjlibrary.org/home?gclid=Cj0KCQiA-qGNBhD3ARIsAO_o7ykApWsHBzqWLy5bNyBah3hyd620UFiO2eh7uOvjn35F9OLPeGi1OF4aAiNtEALw_wcB

I’m from the first page - half Jew - married a Jew who said he wants us to raise our kids Jewish. I said fine but yes somehow I’m the one that’s like - I want us to join a synagogue so they have other Jewish friends etc. it is annoying.

That’s unfair. I am a non-Jewish mother but I am the one doing Hannukah presentations in my kids’ schools and lighting the candles and taking my kids to Temple. DH can’t be bothered. Non-Jewish spouses can be strong advocates too.

I guess? And thank you. But how do we know you're getting it all right? Holiday celebrations are only part of a culture's worldview. And any shul that calls itself a "temple" is already pretty weak on transmitting richer cultural heritage.

Good thing we don't need your approval! And we work hard to raise our kids Jewish while having to prepare them for people like you who will always see them as less than.

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for trying, OP and PP, but this is an argument for Judaism to continue to depend on matrinineal descent. Mothers are the primary transmitters of culture to their children. Raise your children in your own culture and invite your husband's to step up if they can be bothered.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here.

I like the electric menorah idea! I’ll look into that.

I guess I’m annoyed at my DH - like, celebrating Jewish holidays is SO important but you can’t be bothered to light the candle every night? It confuses my kids too, to tell their friends they celebrate Hanukkah but only kind of.

Ugh. I hate to have to be the one who takes the lead on a holiday that isn’t even part of my tradition.

Maybe this thread should be moved to the relationship forum. (Not really, but I guess this is more of a marriage issue than a religion issue).

You should totally sign up for PJ Library - free Jewish books for kids.
https://pjlibrary.org/home?gclid=Cj0KCQiA-qGNBhD3ARIsAO_o7ykApWsHBzqWLy5bNyBah3hyd620UFiO2eh7uOvjn35F9OLPeGi1OF4aAiNtEALw_wcB

I’m from the first page - half Jew - married a Jew who said he wants us to raise our kids Jewish. I said fine but yes somehow I’m the one that’s like - I want us to join a synagogue so they have other Jewish friends etc. it is annoying.

I am the half Jewish PP - and my mom is the Jewish one FWIW. You should be glad my husband brought me more into the fold and you got 3 more

Anonymous wrote:After all, Hanukkah is not really about candles and presents. It's about maintaining tradition in the face of pressure to assimilate.

I don't understand
You have and are assimilated