Anonymous wrote:Especially for holidays?

I have a relative whose parenting around food is very different from my own. I'm not saying either of us is right or wrong, but I'm hoping to get a better sense of what they're thinking so I can propose some compromises.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Especially for holidays?

I have a relative whose parenting around food is very different from my own. I'm not saying either of us is right or wrong, but I'm hoping to get a better sense of what they're thinking so I can propose some compromises.

If I introduce a new dish/food, they had to takea bite and it could be nothing more than a dot. If they likef it then I let them serve themselves but they had to eat what they put on their plate and they learned to take small amounts but they could have seconds. I never make them eat anything they don't like. I told them that when I was little that I hated cooked carrots and wouldn't eat carrot cake because it had cooked carrots but one time I was invited to a friend's house for her birthday dinner and they served carrot cake. I asked for a tiny slice because I just knew I would gag on the cooked carrots. Imagine my delightful surprise when I took that tiny first bite of carrot cake! They love the story and "remember the carrot cake" and will try everything. I also never withheld desert. I have three, two grown and one is 20 and a junior in college and I never had a picky eater.

I just never made a big deal about food.

Anonymous wrote:Especially for holidays?

I have a relative whose parenting around food is very different from my own. I'm not saying either of us is right or wrong, but I'm hoping to get a better sense of what they're thinking so I can propose some compromises.

Anonymous wrote:Your relative is crazy.

You’re insane for indulging this. The way normal people handle holidays is to make sure to have a few options that the kids will eat and then cook an adult meal.

Also, even as an adult I often don’t eat every single dish at a holiday dinner. Maybe I only want mashed potatoes and skip the sweet potatoes this year. It’s perfectly fine. It’s bizarre to think that kids have to eat every single dish at a holiday spread.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

Yeah, in this situation your relative is just wrong. I'm sorry. It's extreme and misguided to insist at a meal with a large variety that a kid try every single dish. I'm an adult, and I don't do that! And it's flat out rude to tell the host not to prepare dishes she wants to prepare.

I think it's reasonable to ask that the main spread include things kids will eat (and if that means not putting peas in the pulao or boiling some plain rice, that's a reasonable ask). But insisting an entire holiday spread be only things one family's kids will eat is truly bizarre. I think this is the first time I've heard of that, to be honest. And I've seen all kinds of parenting approaches to food.

+1

Adults aren't expected to eat 15 different dishes at one meal. They choose what they like. Your relative needs to let her kids choose from the available dishes -- if they don't like beef Wellington, they can have ham or mac and cheese, which is exactly what an adult who didn't care for beef Wellington (or just preferred ham) would do.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

Yeah, in this situation your relative is just wrong. I'm sorry. It's extreme and misguided to insist at a meal with a large variety that a kid try every single dish. I'm an adult, and I don't do that! And it's flat out rude to tell the host not to prepare dishes she wants to prepare.

I think it's reasonable to ask that the main spread include things kids will eat (and if that means not putting peas in the pulao or boiling some plain rice, that's a reasonable ask). But insisting an entire holiday spread be only things one family's kids will eat is truly bizarre. I think this is the first time I've heard of that, to be honest. And I've seen all kinds of parenting approaches to food.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

Yeah, in this situation your relative is just wrong. I'm sorry. It's extreme and misguided to insist at a meal with a large variety that a kid try every single dish. I'm an adult, and I don't do that! And it's flat out rude to tell the host not to prepare dishes she wants to prepare.

I think it's reasonable to ask that the main spread include things kids will eat (and if that means not putting peas in the pulao or boiling some plain rice, that's a reasonable ask). But insisting an entire holiday spread be only things one family's kids will eat is truly bizarre. I think this is the first time I've heard of that, to be honest. And I've seen all kinds of parenting approaches to food.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No. They've always eaten what we make/give them. Never had any food issues. I don't expect them to sample one of everything over holidays. They eat, and stop once they're full.

My question is whether you're choosing what they eat at the holidays, or you're making an exception and allowing them to choose.

I'm asking because I have a family member who believes this -- that kids should eat what's put in front of them, which I understand in her home, but she's not an adventurous cook, so he kids are used to food being familiar. As we plan Christmas dinner, she keeps objecting to foods because she thinks her kids won't like it and she feels like it's mean to expect them to have to eat food they don't like at Christmas.

I'm trying to find a middle ground between unhappy kids, and the rest of us not having to eat foods that are "little kid friendly".

Anonymous wrote:Is this her husbands rule, by any chance? Her position on it is weird.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Not usually. Perhaps if it's multiple meals but I don't make exceptions for one meal.

If you were at Christmas and say there were 15 dishes on the table (we have a large family, everyone cooks), would you expect your kids to taste all 15, or would you choose a plate for them from that, or let them choose with parameters (e.g. you have to choose at least one protein and at least one vegetable?).

I have follow up questions if you're willing.

At a holiday dinner, I take each of my kids through the buffet line and let them choose what to eat. And then I make up my own plate and enjoy my meal. Holidays are a time to enjoy and make memories not to battle over food.

I have a kid who had terrible food aversions and went through tons of feeding therapy. No way was I ever making my holidays unpleasant over food. Eat what you want. Don’t eat. Eat just bread or mashed potatoes. Just do what will make you happy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If it is not a plated, served meal then tell her guests are free to choose what they want. "There will be something there for everyone not everything for everyone."

You promise to not have hurt feelings or make comments about what anyone does or doesn't eat.

Agree. Tell her to think of it like a restaurant, and the food offered are items on the menu. She can pick the items from the menu that work for her kids. They don’t have to eat everything on the menu.