Anonymous
11/11/2021 15:40
Subject: Re:2 year old refuses to get dressed in the mornjng
Timers have worked for us reasonably well, also bribes. If being particularly stubborn, I offer one video. It’s 3 min of their lives - gotta grease the skids sometimes. I’d like to avoid the crying from forcibly dressing the child - we don’t get tons of time together in the morning and I’d like it to be somewhat enjoyable
Anonymous
11/11/2021 15:37
Subject: 2 year old refuses to get dressed in the mornjng
I have two kids who are completely different so i see the issue. Oldest let me dress her until 3 and i still pick out her clothes at 5.
Youngest is 2. Will only dress herself, she is very capable. Will not wear anything she doesn't want to. Currently thats 2 shirts and 1 pair of pants she likes. And yes i can hold her down and put on whatever. But she will wail and flail and resist. And then spend 30 min ripping clothes off and not having breakfast, brushing teeth and having a horrible time so i gave in. She had multiples of the favorite clothes and she dresses herself after i help with diaper.
Youngest is 2. Will only dress herself, she is very capable. Will not wear anything she doesn't want to. Currently thats 2 shirts and 1 pair of pants she likes. And yes i can hold her down and put on whatever. But she will wail and flail and resist. And then spend 30 min ripping clothes off and not having breakfast, brushing teeth and having a horrible time so i gave in. She had multiples of the favorite clothes and she dresses herself after i help with diaper.
Anonymous
11/11/2021 15:12
Subject: 2 year old refuses to get dressed in the mornjng
Anonymous wrote:My two-year-old is much more cooperative after breakfast, so we pick out his clothes and bring them to the kitchen to have him put them on after he finishes eating. It also helps to let him pick out his own clothes and to make sure we have shirts with his favorite things on them so he is excited about them.
This. I've also found that if your child is wearing a diaper to bed still, you can split up getting dressed and it's easier. So first thing in the morning, the focus is on taking off the diaper and changing into underwear, which only takes a second and is something that's easy to take a hard line on because if they are still sleeping in a pull up, presumably it's still wet sometimes, and you can't let them sit in that. But you don't have to get dressed at this point. Bottoms off, and if it's easy, top off too.
Then breakfast. While they eat, set out clothes. At this point, your kid is either almost naked except for underwear, or bottomless. I find it's easier to get a kid in that state dressed than trying to get them to change from pajamas into clothes.
It's harder if they are night trained, but very few 2 year olds are. By the time they night train, this problem will probably go away on its own.
Anonymous
11/11/2021 15:01
Subject: 2 year old refuses to get dressed in the mornjng
My two-year-old is much more cooperative after breakfast, so we pick out his clothes and bring them to the kitchen to have him put them on after he finishes eating. It also helps to let him pick out his own clothes and to make sure we have shirts with his favorite things on them so he is excited about them.
Anonymous
11/11/2021 14:56
Subject: 2 year old refuses to get dressed in the mornjng
Get them dressed the night before. Seriously. It saves time and this is way way easier. Bath then joggers and a tshirt instead of pajamas. Done.
Actually, after I started doing this I completely stopped buying pajamas. My kids still have some “daytime only” clothes like dresses and jeans, but most of their clothes are comfortable enough to sleep in!
Anonymous
11/11/2021 14:56
Subject: 2 year old refuses to get dressed in the mornjng
Anonymous wrote:The "let them wear pajamas all day" PPs are interesting. I understand that parents need to pick their battles. I understand that some kids have legitimate self-regulation or sensory issues. But wearing pajamas in public just feels... too much like you blurred the lines between public and private.
The toddler years are all about exploring definitions and boundaries. Why not teach them this one? It feels like some of the pajama parents just gave up.
I think people suggest this as a last resort or a way to short-circuit the ongoing battle, not as an everyday solution. I think I've let my DD wear pajamas all day maybe a handful of times in the last few years? Usually on days where daycare is closed or our schedule is weird for some reason (doctor's appointment, or evening flight) and I just don't have the energy to fight the battle that day. I'd rather take my kid to the doctor or the grocery store in his PJs than spend an hour trying to force him into clothes, especially if he's going to spend most of the day with me anyway. I don't think I've ever let him wear PJs to daycare/school but I would in a pinch -- sometimes you just need to get out the door and if that's what get's you there, so be it.
Honestly, even if someone let their kid do it for a few months, I don't think it's a big deal. It's like so much at this age -- they will outgrow it. It's not like letting a 2 year old wear pajamas for a few months mean they aren't going to understand the difference between public and private as an adult. It's a few months and they are a very young child.
Lighten up. Giving up on parenting means not feeding your kids, or resorting to violence or yelling because you can't be bothered to be the mature adult, or letting them watch TV all day, or not bothering to invest in them as people. It's not letting your kid wear PJs past noon now and again.
Anonymous
11/11/2021 14:51
Subject: 2 year old refuses to get dressed in the mornjng
The "let them wear pajamas all day" PPs are interesting. I understand that parents need to pick their battles. I understand that some kids have legitimate self-regulation or sensory issues. But wearing pajamas in public just feels... too much like you blurred the lines between public and private.
The toddler years are all about exploring definitions and boundaries. Why not teach them this one? It feels like some of the pajama parents just gave up.
The toddler years are all about exploring definitions and boundaries. Why not teach them this one? It feels like some of the pajama parents just gave up.
Anonymous
11/11/2021 14:49
Subject: 2 year old refuses to get dressed in the mornjng
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. You take clothes out of the drawer and put them on. My two year old doesn't get a say in getting dressed. Are you expecting your two year old to dress themselves?
+1
Listen, I get it. If you have a 2 year old who just allows themselves to be dressed, this probably sounds really foreign to you. But some kids fight it. Hard. Mine started when she was even younger, basically as soon as she had the verbal skills to argue with me about it. "I don't want to wear that, I don't want to get dressed, I don't like clothes, I don't like that color" etc.
And guess what? One of the best ways to address it turned out to let her get dressed on her own. I'd put out a few options, tell her she had five minutes, and leave the room. Sometimes she'd make me stay but not let me help. Sometimes she'd ask for help. But literally the only way to get her in clothes was to let her take control. Plus side: she developed the ability to physically dress and undress herself really early, which helps with potty training and lots of preschool activities where they are expected to be independent in those areas.
The funny thing is that she's 4 now and I pick out her clothes again. It happened gradually, but I could see it was stressing her out to have to choose and I started removing more and more choice from the process. Now I go in the her room while she eats breakfast and pick out a whole outfit including socks and underwear, she doesn't choose any of it. She does put it on herself, though.
Kids are weird and they develop different things at different times. You just have a different kind of kid.
I'm the original PP. My two year old absolutely does not allow herself to get dressed, it's a huge battle. She screams and runs and it's a headache. But I'm the parent, and I'm bigger than her, and I get her dressed. I really just don't understand the mechanics of an hour long struggle here. Pick out clothes, put them on.
The two bolded quotes above are the same person? Sorry, but.. which is it? You say getting your two year old dressed is a "huge battle" and she screams and runs and it's a headache, but also that you don't understand why OP is having an issue and that you don't understand the hour long struggle. This makes no sense.
OP's question makes perfect sense and someone who is arrestingly a screaming child who is running away into clothes every morning should get that. I mean, I guess great it doesn't take you a full hour to get your kid dressed, but that just indicates to me that your kid isn't resisting as hard, not that you solved this incredibly common problem.
Also, you're kid is still two and you need to learn FAST that what you think you know about parenting today is not what you will know about parenting in about three months. Kids change so much at this age and you'll think "oh, I guess we're dealing with tantrums and independent now, but I figured it out!" And then 6 months later you will look back at the person who thought that and laugh and laugh at how naive she was.
Anonymous
11/11/2021 14:39
Subject: 2 year old refuses to get dressed in the mornjng
Anonymous wrote:Pick two outfits the night before and lay them out. In the morning, the kid gets to choose the outfit. Giving some choice/control to the kid while remaining the big-picture control as the parent = win-win.
This approach is working pretty well for us. We also set the timer. “You get to play 2 more minutes and when timer goes off we get dressed!”
Anonymous
11/11/2021 13:46
Subject: Re:2 year old refuses to get dressed in the mornjng
I love how many of these responses are like "well obviously the way to handle this is [x] how could you not know this" and then everyone is contradicting each other.
It depends on the kid and your family and how your life works. If the kid is home with you or a nanny or goes to daycare, just saying "okay wear your pajamas" could work and short circuit this battle and be an easy solution.
If they go to a daycare with specific clothing requirements, or part of the "getting dressed" battle is not wanting to put on outdoor layers that are required for the weather, that won't work. Maybe in that case you need to change the incentives, provide options, mix up your morning routine (kids this age often respond well to a routine where they know what's coming -- "we're going to go eat peanut butter toast and apples for breakfast, and then put on your clothes" -- because just having a sense of what is happening next makes them feel more in control than just abruptly announcing that it's time to get dressed, even if you do it every morning), etc. You have to figure out what works for your kid and for you.
Ignore the people saying "oh, just put the clothes on him, you are bigger and stronger." This can work for some kids but not others. It's also more likely to work with a 25 mo old but not an almost-3 year old. At best, it's kicking the can down the road. At worst, it will just make the problem worse because if you are engaged in a power struggle, applying more force tends to escalate, not de-escalate.
Be curious, because this is a common battle ground but not the last one. This is a chance to find out what motivates your kid, how they respond to different strategies (some kids love options, others get overwhelmed, some do well with a picture checklist, others will derail that approach, etc.). Then you can apply that info later when their independence grows to other things, like food, going to school, bedtimes, etc. Every kid is an individual and they will respond differently to different strategies. Two is when you really start figuring your kid out, and it really ramps up at 3/4 in most cases. And by 5/6, things will calm down, at least on stuff like getting dressed, eating dinner, bedtimes, etc. But don't forget the lessons you learn because you will have to level up again as the move into puberty. Good luck!
It depends on the kid and your family and how your life works. If the kid is home with you or a nanny or goes to daycare, just saying "okay wear your pajamas" could work and short circuit this battle and be an easy solution.
If they go to a daycare with specific clothing requirements, or part of the "getting dressed" battle is not wanting to put on outdoor layers that are required for the weather, that won't work. Maybe in that case you need to change the incentives, provide options, mix up your morning routine (kids this age often respond well to a routine where they know what's coming -- "we're going to go eat peanut butter toast and apples for breakfast, and then put on your clothes" -- because just having a sense of what is happening next makes them feel more in control than just abruptly announcing that it's time to get dressed, even if you do it every morning), etc. You have to figure out what works for your kid and for you.
Ignore the people saying "oh, just put the clothes on him, you are bigger and stronger." This can work for some kids but not others. It's also more likely to work with a 25 mo old but not an almost-3 year old. At best, it's kicking the can down the road. At worst, it will just make the problem worse because if you are engaged in a power struggle, applying more force tends to escalate, not de-escalate.
Be curious, because this is a common battle ground but not the last one. This is a chance to find out what motivates your kid, how they respond to different strategies (some kids love options, others get overwhelmed, some do well with a picture checklist, others will derail that approach, etc.). Then you can apply that info later when their independence grows to other things, like food, going to school, bedtimes, etc. Every kid is an individual and they will respond differently to different strategies. Two is when you really start figuring your kid out, and it really ramps up at 3/4 in most cases. And by 5/6, things will calm down, at least on stuff like getting dressed, eating dinner, bedtimes, etc. But don't forget the lessons you learn because you will have to level up again as the move into puberty. Good luck!
Anonymous
11/11/2021 13:22
Subject: 2 year old refuses to get dressed in the mornjng
Pick two outfits the night before and lay them out. In the morning, the kid gets to choose the outfit. Giving some choice/control to the kid while remaining the big-picture control as the parent = win-win.
Anonymous
11/11/2021 13:19
Subject: 2 year old refuses to get dressed in the mornjng
This is a power struggle that isn't worth the time or energy. Send them to school in PJs, and pack a bag of clothes. Either they'll be embarrassed and put the clothes on (mine did in the parking lot of the school), or they spend the day in their PJs.
I am afraid that you are making this into way too big a deal.
I am afraid that you are making this into way too big a deal.
Anonymous
11/11/2021 13:02
Subject: 2 year old refuses to get dressed in the mornjng
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:
Uh, no, beginning of story.
Universal truth: just because I'm physically bigger and stronger than my child does not mean I should physically wrestle them into clothes against their will every day.
I mean, my DH is bigger and stronger than I am -- if he wants me to do something that I don't want to do, does he get to physically force me to do it?
You think you've figured something out but you're actually just a crappy parent.
NP- wow, this is just crazy. Yes, you as the parent have to wrestle your willful child to do something that is imperative for their health/safety/wellbeing. Wearing clean clothes is one of those things, as is brushing teeth, taking antibiotics, sitting in their carseat. Good Lord, I shudder to think of what flies in your house.
+1 I don't get it - what do you do when they have a dirty diaper they don't want to change, or they won't get in the car seat? You just have to force them to do it. I think if you just do it calmly and don't make it into a game and just show them there's no point in struggling, it stops becoming such a big deal. The wife and husband example is not applicable because you are both adults. A child is a child and you have to take care of them.
I'm sure OR explained to her 18 month old that they need to use the bathroom by themself and then they just did! We are clearly the inferior parents.
Anonymous
11/11/2021 13:01
Subject: 2 year old refuses to get dressed in the mornjng
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Some things are universal truths. We are bigger and stronger so put the clothes on and he’ll will stop fighting it when he realizes he can do it or you can, but the clothes are going to be put on. End of story.Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I don't understand. You take clothes out of the drawer and put them on. My two year old doesn't get a say in getting dressed. Are you expecting your two year old to dress themselves?
+1
Listen, I get it. If you have a 2 year old who just allows themselves to be dressed, this probably sounds really foreign to you. But some kids fight it. Hard. Mine started when she was even younger, basically as soon as she had the verbal skills to argue with me about it. "I don't want to wear that, I don't want to get dressed, I don't like clothes, I don't like that color" etc.
And guess what? One of the best ways to address it turned out to let her get dressed on her own. I'd put out a few options, tell her she had five minutes, and leave the room. Sometimes she'd make me stay but not let me help. Sometimes she'd ask for help. But literally the only way to get her in clothes was to let her take control. Plus side: she developed the ability to physically dress and undress herself really early, which helps with potty training and lots of preschool activities where they are expected to be independent in those areas.
The funny thing is that she's 4 now and I pick out her clothes again. It happened gradually, but I could see it was stressing her out to have to choose and I started removing more and more choice from the process. Now I go in the her room while she eats breakfast and pick out a whole outfit including socks and underwear, she doesn't choose any of it. She does put it on herself, though.
Kids are weird and they develop different things at different times. You just have a different kind of kid.
I'm the original PP. My two year old absolutely does not allow herself to get dressed, it's a huge battle. She screams and runs and it's a headache. But I'm the parent, and I'm bigger than her, and I get her dressed. I really just don't understand the mechanics of an hour long struggle here. Pick out clothes, put them on.
Some kids rip the clothes off the minute you get them on. Some throw epic tantrums that will take an hour to recover from if you try to force the clothes onto them. Sure, lots of kids resist getting dressed. But some kids REALLY resist it. If it's taking an hour, this is why. OP obviously understands the mechanics of dressing her child, who I am sure she has dressed from infancy. The issue is that this becomes a major battleground for some kids and they don't acquiesce to the usual methods for getting through it. Your child was different than my child, and from OP's child.
If you don't understand something, often it's because you lack the necessary experience or information to understand it. It's not "well you must be an idiot." Trust me, you will run into challenges with your kid at some point and someone will say to you "I don't understand, I never have this problem," and then you'll get it. Not all parenting experiences are universal. Kids are different, families are different.
Uh, no, beginning of story.
Universal truth: just because I'm physically bigger and stronger than my child does not mean I should physically wrestle them into clothes against their will every day.
I mean, my DH is bigger and stronger than I am -- if he wants me to do something that I don't want to do, does he get to physically force me to do it?
You think you've figured something out but you're actually just a crappy parent.
I would argue the person who lets their kid do whatever they want because they're afraid of being the bad guy is the crappy parent but you do you I guess.
Working with your 2 year old so that they develop the skill to select and put on clothes on their own, instead of simply pinning them down and shoving their bodies into clothes, is not "letting your kid do whatever they want."
The fact that you think the only two options are brute force or doing nothing indicates that you do not have a ton of parenting skills and does not bode well for the future. It sucks having to figure out how to get a 2 year old to agree to getting dressed. Like it's the absolute pits and requires lots of creativity, patience, communication skills, and flexibility. But in the end, it is better than physically forcing them because they learn some skills and gain some independence, plus it forces you to find ways to work with them and helps to refine your parenting. Yes, it would be faster to just force them into clothes, and now and again you really don't have a choice and that's what you do. But if that's what you do every morning, there will come a day when it doesn't work anymore. And then what?
Some people just get to "and then what?" sooner because they have particularly independent-minded kids.
I'm sorry but I just really can't take seriously the opinion of a person who compares physically forcing my child to do something to my husband physically forcing me to do something. You don't sound very bright.
Anonymous
11/11/2021 12:52
Subject: 2 year old refuses to get dressed in the mornjng
This is why God made 2 year olds small. Dress them if necessary.