If it comes up they can come for the weekend. Friend or SO. Many people don’t fly home for that weekend and then again 3 weeks later for winter break.

We don’t do gifts in thanksgiving so that would be odd.

Anonymous wrote:My DD is 18 and dating a boy the same age. I just asked her questions about him today because I'm going to buy them matching holiday pajama pants. Yes, he's invited.

Am I slightly uncomfortable that my wittle baby girl is in a semi-adult relationship? Yes. But do I want to drive her away by saying someone she feels strongly about is not welcome? No. I want to get to know him. So come on over. Tell me everything!

Omg you’re still talking about your whittle baby 18 yo and her BF marching xmas pajamas?

Barf.

Yes ad. Yes

Anonymous wrote:Do you invite steady boyfriend/girlfriend of your (out of state) college kids to your home? Do you give them gifts? Do you include them on family trips?

They are invited to the home and we do a gift exchange so yes gifts. No family trips until engaged.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would invite them during the holiday break, but wouldn’t they want to be with their family for Christmas Day? No gift for a dating situation. If you are feeding him, isn’t that enough?

+1 My mom was irritated that my now-MIL invited me there for Christmas dinner when DH and I were dating in college (we had been dating a little over a year at that point). Attending dinner would have required me to leave my family on Christmas day and drive 3 hours to DH's house. I said no and went the next day instead. My mom never said anything to me about her irritation until after I came home. In hindsight, I can see why my mom was upset because extending the invitation means that you are asking someone to skip out on their own family's celebration, especially if the kids are in college and the parents are likely looking forward to seeing them for the holidays.

Families would want their kids home for the holidays but a young couple may want to be together as well. No?

Before becoming extremely serious ie engaged to DH I would always just plan a separate holiday thing with my boyfriends, in college, it was before or sometime during the break When a couple becomes serious it's for them to work out how they want to spend the holidays and then speak to their separate families about it. As a pp mentioned it's best to let your kids know an SO is welcome and then they can take care of the inviting and logistics between them.

God people are so weird.

Of course they are invited. But you don't invite them yourself, you tell your kid the door is open and they can manage it. And if they come yes have a gift. Not like, an ipad, but some christmas sweets or funny socks or an ornament, something that shows you thought about it but that you clearly don't have a preexisting close relationship.

I wouldn't invite SOs on family vacations until there were some signs that the relationship was serious (1 year+ and/or commitment) but they would always be welcome at my dinner table!

People have such a hard time being generous, and not financially generous in spirit. It costs nothing to just be welcoming, and it pays dividends, you should all try it sometime!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would invite them during the holiday break, but wouldn’t they want to be with their family for Christmas Day? No gift for a dating situation. If you are feeding him, isn’t that enough?

+1 My mom was irritated that my now-MIL invited me there for Christmas dinner when DH and I were dating in college (we had been dating a little over a year at that point). Attending dinner would have required me to leave my family on Christmas day and drive 3 hours to DH's house. I said no and went the next day instead. My mom never said anything to me about her irritation until after I came home. In hindsight, I can see why my mom was upset because extending the invitation means that you are asking someone to skip out on their own family's celebration, especially if the kids are in college and the parents are likely looking forward to seeing them for the holidays.

Oh FFS; an invitation is not a summons. Unless MIL pouted because you didn't accept the invitation, the only ridiculous one in this scenario is your mom.

Anonymous wrote:Do you invite steady boyfriend/girlfriend of your (out of state) college kids to your home? Do you give them gifts? Do you include them on family trips?

Yes, yes, and yes.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would invite them during the holiday break, but wouldn’t they want to be with their family for Christmas Day? No gift for a dating situation. If you are feeding him, isn’t that enough?

+1 My mom was irritated that my now-MIL invited me there for Christmas dinner when DH and I were dating in college (we had been dating a little over a year at that point). Attending dinner would have required me to leave my family on Christmas day and drive 3 hours to DH's house. I said no and went the next day instead. My mom never said anything to me about her irritation until after I came home. In hindsight, I can see why my mom was upset because extending the invitation means that you are asking someone to skip out on their own family's celebration, especially if the kids are in college and the parents are likely looking forward to seeing them for the holidays.

Families would want their kids home for the holidays but a young couple may want to be together as well. No?

Yes I remember those couple of holidays where I was madly in love with my BF (now DH) but we split up for the holidays. His family is more fun than mine so I don’t think he minded as much as I did. I missed him so much and resented that people thought it shouldn’t bother us to be apart.

Anonymous wrote:If your son or daughter asks to invite his or her significant other, of course you invite them. They will likely bring a host/hostess gift for you—and perhaps a holiday gift—so of course it would be appropriate to have a little something for them, even if it’s just a Starbucks gift card if you know they like coffee, or a pair of cheerful socks from Etsy.

I’m surprised this is even a question.

This. I would be honored to host a SO of one of my kids. Much better than not inviting them and having your kid get away as soon as they can.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would invite them during the holiday break, but wouldn’t they want to be with their family for Christmas Day? No gift for a dating situation. If you are feeding him, isn’t that enough?

+1 My mom was irritated that my now-MIL invited me there for Christmas dinner when DH and I were dating in college (we had been dating a little over a year at that point). Attending dinner would have required me to leave my family on Christmas day and drive 3 hours to DH's house. I said no and went the next day instead. My mom never said anything to me about her irritation until after I came home. In hindsight, I can see why my mom was upset because extending the invitation means that you are asking someone to skip out on their own family's celebration, especially if the kids are in college and the parents are likely looking forward to seeing them for the holidays.

Families would want their kids home for the holidays but a young couple may want to be together as well. No?

Anonymous wrote:I would invite them during the holiday break, but wouldn’t they want to be with their family for Christmas Day? No gift for a dating situation. If you are feeding him, isn’t that enough?

+1 My mom was irritated that my now-MIL invited me there for Christmas dinner when DH and I were dating in college (we had been dating a little over a year at that point). Attending dinner would have required me to leave my family on Christmas day and drive 3 hours to DH's house. I said no and went the next day instead. My mom never said anything to me about her irritation until after I came home. In hindsight, I can see why my mom was upset because extending the invitation means that you are asking someone to skip out on their own family's celebration, especially if the kids are in college and the parents are likely looking forward to seeing them for the holidays.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DD is 18 and dating a boy the same age. I just asked her questions about him today because I'm going to buy them matching holiday pajama pants. Yes, he's invited.

Am I slightly uncomfortable that my wittle baby girl is in a semi-adult relationship? Yes. But do I want to drive her away by saying someone she feels strongly about is not welcome? No. I want to get to know him. So come on over. Tell me everything!

They are 18 and adults.

The pajama thing is kind of weird coming from mom...

It’s just a pair of pj pants from Old Navy.

Anonymous wrote:18 is an adult, issues and all. 18 year olds are supposed to have issues, they are still figuring it out. Yet they aren’t a child.

My adult kids can bring anyone to thanksgiving and Christmas

+1

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My mom always did this. It’s a nice gesture but please ask your kids first. Later my sister and I both told her she shouldn’t have invited them so early. Yes, we were serious but we didn’t necessarily want them at Christmas just yet. She thought she was being welcoming and invited their parents too. Sometimes they came. So it was like awkward IL and parent get togethers before we were even married. My family has always been the more the merrier type and usually it is nice. Not so much on Christmas with your BF’s family.

This let your kid know they are welcome to invite someone special but let them do the actual inviting of the SO.

Sounds wise.