Anonymous
Post 11/11/2021 09:49     Subject: Re:Husband fell asleep drunk in delivery room
Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thank you to all for your support. I have asked DH to move out and he is in the process of doing so. This is such an awful and difficult situation, but I cannot knowingly support an active addiction by allowing DH to stay in the family home, and I must be very careful that I am no enabling this behavior. Unfortunately, while DH has admitted to being an alcoholic, he is completely self-centered and has only mentioned the ways in which this has impacted HIM! Absolutely no awareness of how anyone else has been impacted or might feel about his addition. He says he is attending daily counseling sessions and AA meetings, but the addiction specialist said this is not what early and active recovery looks like. Someone who is in early but active recovery develops humility and a sincere effort to make amends to the people they have hurt. He just blames me and says that I should have allowed him to "get on more stable ground before pulling these moves" on him.


Nothing new there, OP. This is what alcoholics do. They blame their situation on everyone else. It's extremely narcissistic behavior and he IS thinking only of himself now. Maybe he will get the help he needs, but he has to want it and be the driver of his own change. You, on the other hand, have yourself and that sweet baby to think of, and your choices can no longer be dependent on him. I'm sorry that you're dealing with this, but have major respect for you taking swift action on this. It wouldn't have been any better if you'd waited longer.
Anonymous
Post 11/11/2021 09:43     Subject: Husband fell asleep drunk in delivery room
You’d addiction counselor is correct, keep your guard up and time will tell what cycle you’re in or if he can break the cycle.

Am glad he moved out, mine was too in denial and ego centric to do so. Eventually the children and I had to, the the house looks like hell now.
Anonymous
Post 11/11/2021 08:30     Subject: Re:Husband fell asleep drunk in delivery room
OP here: Thank you to all for your support. I have asked DH to move out and he is in the process of doing so. This is such an awful and difficult situation, but I cannot knowingly support an active addiction by allowing DH to stay in the family home, and I must be very careful that I am no enabling this behavior. Unfortunately, while DH has admitted to being an alcoholic, he is completely self-centered and has only mentioned the ways in which this has impacted HIM! Absolutely no awareness of how anyone else has been impacted or might feel about his addition. He says he is attending daily counseling sessions and AA meetings, but the addiction specialist said this is not what early and active recovery looks like. Someone who is in early but active recovery develops humility and a sincere effort to make amends to the people they have hurt. He just blames me and says that I should have allowed him to "get on more stable ground before pulling these moves" on him.
Anonymous
Post 11/11/2021 08:01     Subject: Re:Husband fell asleep drunk in delivery room
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thank you for the thoughtful comments. I have hired an addiction specialist to help me and hopefully help him. What I do know is that [b]I will not have my home used as a place to support an active addiction, nor will I allow it to be used as an alcoholic detox center. Staying with him is not an option if he continues to refuse treatment. [b]


Good for you, OP. I wish you all the best, and I'm impressed that you moved forward to get experts involved. Stay strong and enjoy your baby, please, no matter how distracted you might feel at times.


OP, I’m here to warn you that many in the addiction world - both addicts and therapists - will pathologize your involvement as you trying to “control” him and his life. But, you have framed your response correctly - it’s about you and the life you want to live. You have decided you don’t want to live with an alcoholic, and you have hired a person to deliver that message to him.

good luck.
Anonymous
Post 11/11/2021 04:53     Subject: Husband fell asleep drunk in delivery room
Anonymous wrote:Well this is a terrible situation that you are now tethered to forever via the child.

Is his liver close to giving out? Ramp up the life insurance and hope for the best.


Probably not it takes many decades.
Anonymous
Post 11/11/2021 00:20     Subject: Re:Husband fell asleep drunk in delivery room
Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thank you for the thoughtful comments. I have hired an addiction specialist to help me and hopefully help him. What I do know is that I will not have my home used as a place to support an active addiction, nor will I allow it to be used as an alcoholic detox center. Staying with him is not an option if he continues to refuse treatment.


Good for you, OP. I wish you all the best, and I'm impressed that you moved forward to get experts involved. Stay strong and enjoy your baby, please, no matter how distracted you might feel at times.
Anonymous
Post 11/11/2021 00:17     Subject: Re:Husband fell asleep drunk in delivery room
Why is everyone blaming op? Op. Get him on b complex and zinc which alcohol depletes. You are in a position to set the bar. You can try moving out with baby to your parents if he won’t go to AA and therapy. Right now you have so much to adjust to. Draw on your network and be firm. This all sounds so hard. Hugs
Anonymous
Post 11/11/2021 00:14     Subject: Re:Husband fell asleep drunk in delivery room
Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thank you for the thoughtful comments. I have hired an addiction specialist to help me and hopefully help him. What I do know is that I will not have my home used as a place to support an active addiction, nor will I allow it to be used as an alcoholic detox center. Staying with him is not an option if he continues to refuse treatment.


I'm sorry, OP. This is a rough start too parenthood.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 14:43     Subject: Husband fell asleep drunk in delivery room
What city and state are you in Op?
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 14:20     Subject: Re:Husband fell asleep drunk in delivery room
Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thank you for the thoughtful comments. I have hired an addiction specialist to help me and hopefully help him. What I do know is that I will not have my home used as a place to support an active addiction, nor will I allow it to be used as an alcoholic detox center. Staying with him is not an option if he continues to refuse treatment.


I am so sorry you are going through this. Congratulations on the baby and stay strong for your little one. I wish you all the very best.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 12:31     Subject: Re:Husband fell asleep drunk in delivery room
Sending light and love your way, OP. I have had two friends who went through this. Congratulations on the birth of your child. Stay focused and strong for yourself and your baby,
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 12:25     Subject: Husband fell asleep drunk in delivery room
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Yes he’s an alcoholic. Yes that is genetic.

Where do you live and what kind of AA or clinics can you afford?


If you want helpful ideas pls respond to the above.


AA is free. Modest contributions are accepted but by no means required.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 12:23     Subject: Re:Husband fell asleep drunk in delivery room
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I would make sure he knows that if he doesn’t get treatment, there is no leeway for problem drinking going forward. If he’s not fit to get up with the baby during the night because he’s drunk, that’s it and you leave. Which isn’t to say you have to commit to getting divorced right then; if you leaving is the wake-up call he needs to get treatment and commit to stopping drinking, great.

Also, unfortunately you can’t leave the baby with him alone at a time when he might drink since he clearly doesn’t have control over his consumption. If he’s not a morning drinker and you can get a break then, do it. But you can’t go out with friends in the evening and leave the baby with him since you know he drinks to excess at night when you’re not around.


He’s very new to fatherhood. It’s a big adjustment and comes with pressure to perform. OP can’t assume his drinking habits will remain unchanged.


No a morning drinker may be the lowest bar I’ve ever heard of


And completely irrelevant. Alcoholic drinkers never really fully sober up and if they do they’re hungover or in withdrawal.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 12:23     Subject: Husband fell asleep drunk in delivery room
So when did he get drunk? Most hospitals have COVID protocols and people just can't come in and out.

I'm also surprised none of the staff realized he was drunk to the point of passing out before getting to the delivery room.
Anonymous
Post 11/08/2021 12:23     Subject: Re:Husband fell asleep drunk in delivery room
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:OP here: Thank you for the thoughtful comments. I have hired an addiction specialist to help me and hopefully help him. What I do know is that I will not have my home used as a place to support an active addiction, nor will I allow it to be used as an alcoholic detox center. Staying with him is not an option if he continues to refuse treatment.

Good for you, OP! You are so strong and smart, you can do this. You're clearly doing what's right by your baby. Congrats on your little one, hoping your journey ahead turns bright.


+1

Good luck on this journey, op.