These mothers are hurt if Op is never traveling to visit them

They are hurt. That's why they are acting this way.

Not normal. We live 5 minutes from my parents and my mom will sometimes stop over if she happens to pass our house. We see her daily as it is. So that's probably not normal either LOL

I have many friends in the town where my mom lives and where I grew up. It's 5 hours away from where I live now. I've been there many times to see friends, without visiting my mom. I've also been there many times to visit mom.

Same for the city where my MIL lives, 3 hours away. Sometimes we see her, sometimes we don't. One time we see one relative, next time the other. If one of them created drama over us not visiting him or her every time we're there, I'd be less inclined to visit them at all, TBH.

Not normal.

Even if they are just being tourists or shopping in your town that is five hours away, they should let you know they are coming and at least phone when you are there.

I am a mom of married adult. I would never do this to my children and partners. It would hurt their feelings and make them feel unvalued.

Sorry both your parents and IL are behaving like this. If you have otherwise decent relations with them, I would try and talk to them about it - maybe no accusations but just ask why they choose to visit your town which is a long drive away and not mention anything to you.

Maybe there is more to it - maybe they are trying to send your messages about some of your conduct that they do not appreciate ? If that is so, I don’t like mind games myself, and prefer honesty.

I hope you can figure out what is going on and encourage more thoughtful communications.

OP, how often do YOU travel to them? Is it an equal amount? Do you do the traveling to see them an equal amount?

Maybe they are fed up with you never making the effort to come see them?

People go to the big city to do stuff