I have nothing to contribute to the original question. I’m just coming on her to say I will eat any holiday meal that I don’t have to cook, whether someone plates it for me, or whether I have to put it on my own plate. That is all.

NP. Here’s why I would never plate a holiday meal like Thanksgiving or Christmas, and I’m a frequent host. (Friends ask me to host rehearsal dinners, etc.)

Thanksgiving in particular is a meal that is tied to memories and is looked forward to…it is special, for many people. It’s a once-yearly treat, for many people.

So people should get absolutely everything they want, and nothing they don’t (which would take up valuable stomach real estate) on that day.

I have a cousin who hates turkey and basically piles his plate with stuffing, mashed potatoes, gravy, creamed corn…and like two peas or something else that is technically green. He grins like a kid getting away with a major heist, and he’s in his 30s. He’s always been this way—no turkey, all sides, mostly carbs, that’s his deal on Thanksgiving.

I have other relatives who are diabetic or just watching their weight, but who are very self-conscious about it, and want to control their plate so that they can indulge in what is “worth it” or allowable to them, and avoid things that aren’t worth the calories. It’s very personal to them.

And finally, nobody wants to let his or her host down. When your host lays out a spread, and simply says, “Enjoy,” you are free to do just that. If you’re at a smaller, plated dinner, your host will definitely notice if you don’t eat this or that, and even if they don’t comment on it, you feel compelled to eat things that you don’t want to, if it’s plated.

I’ve hosted at least 30 holiday meals and probably 20 large meals at the request of friends and family. I’ve served everything from salmon en croute for six to the full Thanksgiving spread for 30+ guests. And I would never in a million years plate a large holiday meal. It’s too personal!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not serve people. It’s rude and wasteful.

I agree 100%. Not everyone likes everything; people have diets they want to follow; people have restrictions and even allergies that they don't wish to discuss or defend. Never never ever ever put a plate of food in front of a grown adult unless they specifically ask you to or agree to that when you offer.

This is so interesting to me. I am a chef and plating the meal a certain way is part of the experience. In our home, our Thanksgiving guests are our families and we are well aware of any food allergies. Since I’m asked to host every year, I guess nobody thinks I am rude (shrug). You, on the other hand, both sound like very rude dinner party guests.

Hello, duh, restaurants are different than someone’s home. A chef is not insulted if you don’t eat Aunt Edna’s creamed spinach. When you order, you can request a substitution or talk through allergies. You can give a sever or chef literally an order, as you are the paying customer. It’s different for a GUEST.

A "guest" should graciously accept what he or she is given. Did you grow up under a rock?

We are talking about THANKSGIVING. Not a formal dinner party with a soup course, a main dish, and two sides.

If you think for one second I’m going to eat green bean “casserole” because you glopped it on my plate, think again. I eat turkey and the sides of my choosing. And no, Gladys, I will not be choking down creamed onions to please you.

If you think there’s no difference between a formal dinner party meal and a full holiday feast, you’re a moron, and clearly no “chef.”

Chef here. There are a few different people agreeing with me. I didn’t make all these posts. And many people have a formal meal at Thanksgiving. And many others don’t. There’s no wrong way. My point is only that my way - plating food- isn’t rude.

Yes, it is, when it comes to a multi-side—multi-main, even—holiday feast. Yes, it is. I’m a grown adult and I get to decide what I eat, and how much. Even if everything looks appetizing, I’m not going to eat every single thing at a large holiday feast. I’m simply not built that way—I can’t “stuff.” I want room to eat what I want to eat. I may have—not an allergy per se—but a sensitive tummy when it comes to this or that, and I don’t want to discuss that with you.

Plating food at a holiday feast for other adults is rude. ***Asking*** them if they would like you to plate for them is fine. ***Offering*** to do so is fine. Just doing that is not fine, and it is rude.

You sound uptight. But I do agree that your host doesn’t want to hear about your tummy troubles. Save it for your doctor.

If PPs don’t plate, how do they know you won’t take more than your allotted share of the asparagus?

Anonymous wrote:I make sure all the clean laundry is folded and cleared off the table in time for dinner

And the mail pile.

And the random school project.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not serve people. It’s rude and wasteful.

I agree 100%. Not everyone likes everything; people have diets they want to follow; people have restrictions and even allergies that they don't wish to discuss or defend. Never never ever ever put a plate of food in front of a grown adult unless they specifically ask you to or agree to that when you offer.

This is so interesting to me. I am a chef and plating the meal a certain way is part of the experience. In our home, our Thanksgiving guests are our families and we are well aware of any food allergies. Since I’m asked to host every year, I guess nobody thinks I am rude (shrug). You, on the other hand, both sound like very rude dinner party guests.

Hello, duh, restaurants are different than someone’s home. A chef is not insulted if you don’t eat Aunt Edna’s creamed spinach. When you order, you can request a substitution or talk through allergies. You can give a sever or chef literally an order, as you are the paying customer. It’s different for a GUEST.

A "guest" should graciously accept what he or she is given. Did you grow up under a rock?

We are talking about THANKSGIVING. Not a formal dinner party with a soup course, a main dish, and two sides.

If you think for one second I’m going to eat green bean “casserole” because you glopped it on my plate, think again. I eat turkey and the sides of my choosing. And no, Gladys, I will not be choking down creamed onions to please you.

If you think there’s no difference between a formal dinner party meal and a full holiday feast, you’re a moron, and clearly no “chef.”

Chef here. There are a few different people agreeing with me. I didn’t make all these posts. And many people have a formal meal at Thanksgiving. And many others don’t. There’s no wrong way. My point is only that my way - plating food- isn’t rude.

Yes, it is, when it comes to a multi-side—multi-main, even—holiday feast. Yes, it is. I’m a grown adult and I get to decide what I eat, and how much. Even if everything looks appetizing, I’m not going to eat every single thing at a large holiday feast. I’m simply not built that way—I can’t “stuff.” I want room to eat what I want to eat. I may have—not an allergy per se—but a sensitive tummy when it comes to this or that, and I don’t want to discuss that with you.

Plating food at a holiday feast for other adults is rude. ***Asking*** them if they would like you to plate for them is fine. ***Offering*** to do so is fine. Just doing that is not fine, and it is rude.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not serve people. It’s rude and wasteful.

I agree 100%. Not everyone likes everything; people have diets they want to follow; people have restrictions and even allergies that they don't wish to discuss or defend. Never never ever ever put a plate of food in front of a grown adult unless they specifically ask you to or agree to that when you offer.

This is so interesting to me. I am a chef and plating the meal a certain way is part of the experience. In our home, our Thanksgiving guests are our families and we are well aware of any food allergies. Since I’m asked to host every year, I guess nobody thinks I am rude (shrug). You, on the other hand, both sound like very rude dinner party guests.

Hello, duh, restaurants are different than someone’s home. A chef is not insulted if you don’t eat Aunt Edna’s creamed spinach. When you order, you can request a substitution or talk through allergies. You can give a sever or chef literally an order, as you are the paying customer. It’s different for a GUEST.

A "guest" should graciously accept what he or she is given. Did you grow up under a rock?

This is why I don’t let my MIL serve my kids food. My daughter doesn’t need to have some of everything, or sit there until she finishes. Such an archaic practice.

Nobody has said anything about a plate-clearing requirement. This entire part of this thread was in response to a poster calling me rude for plating food for my guests at my home at Thanksgiving dinner.

It is a rude imposition, and you should stop.

It’s rude to plate the food that my family asks me to make every year, and to serve them Thanksgiving dinner? Okay then.

Team no plate.

I really don’t want X food even on my plate. Save it for yourself. Reduce waste.

Plating seems too formal and uppity for family events. It’s not a $100 plated dinner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not serve people. It’s rude and wasteful.

I agree 100%. Not everyone likes everything; people have diets they want to follow; people have restrictions and even allergies that they don't wish to discuss or defend. Never never ever ever put a plate of food in front of a grown adult unless they specifically ask you to or agree to that when you offer.

This is so interesting to me. I am a chef and plating the meal a certain way is part of the experience. In our home, our Thanksgiving guests are our families and we are well aware of any food allergies. Since I’m asked to host every year, I guess nobody thinks I am rude (shrug). You, on the other hand, both sound like very rude dinner party guests.

Hello, duh, restaurants are different than someone’s home. A chef is not insulted if you don’t eat Aunt Edna’s creamed spinach. When you order, you can request a substitution or talk through allergies. You can give a sever or chef literally an order, as you are the paying customer. It’s different for a GUEST.

A "guest" should graciously accept what he or she is given. Did you grow up under a rock?

We are talking about THANKSGIVING. Not a formal dinner party with a soup course, a main dish, and two sides.

If you think for one second I’m going to eat green bean “casserole” because you glopped it on my plate, think again. I eat turkey and the sides of my choosing. And no, Gladys, I will not be choking down creamed onions to please you.

If you think there’s no difference between a formal dinner party meal and a full holiday feast, you’re a moron, and clearly no “chef.”

Chef here. There are a few different people agreeing with me. I didn’t make all these posts. And many people have a formal meal at Thanksgiving. And many others don’t. There’s no wrong way. My point is only that my way - plating food- isn’t rude.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not serve people. It’s rude and wasteful.

I agree 100%. Not everyone likes everything; people have diets they want to follow; people have restrictions and even allergies that they don't wish to discuss or defend. Never never ever ever put a plate of food in front of a grown adult unless they specifically ask you to or agree to that when you offer.

This is so interesting to me. I am a chef and plating the meal a certain way is part of the experience. In our home, our Thanksgiving guests are our families and we are well aware of any food allergies. Since I’m asked to host every year, I guess nobody thinks I am rude (shrug). You, on the other hand, both sound like very rude dinner party guests.

Hello, duh, restaurants are different than someone’s home. A chef is not insulted if you don’t eat Aunt Edna’s creamed spinach. When you order, you can request a substitution or talk through allergies. You can give a sever or chef literally an order, as you are the paying customer. It’s different for a GUEST.

A "guest" should graciously accept what he or she is given. Did you grow up under a rock?

This is why I don’t let my MIL serve my kids food. My daughter doesn’t need to have some of everything, or sit there until she finishes. Such an archaic practice.

Nobody has said anything about a plate-clearing requirement. This entire part of this thread was in response to a poster calling me rude for plating food for my guests at my home at Thanksgiving dinner.

It is a rude imposition, and you should stop.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not serve people. It’s rude and wasteful.

I agree 100%. Not everyone likes everything; people have diets they want to follow; people have restrictions and even allergies that they don't wish to discuss or defend. Never never ever ever put a plate of food in front of a grown adult unless they specifically ask you to or agree to that when you offer.

This is so interesting to me. I am a chef and plating the meal a certain way is part of the experience. In our home, our Thanksgiving guests are our families and we are well aware of any food allergies. Since I’m asked to host every year, I guess nobody thinks I am rude (shrug). You, on the other hand, both sound like very rude dinner party guests.

Hello, duh, restaurants are different than someone’s home. A chef is not insulted if you don’t eat Aunt Edna’s creamed spinach. When you order, you can request a substitution or talk through allergies. You can give a sever or chef literally an order, as you are the paying customer. It’s different for a GUEST.

A "guest" should graciously accept what he or she is given. Did you grow up under a rock?

We are talking about THANKSGIVING. Not a formal dinner party with a soup course, a main dish, and two sides.

If you think for one second I’m going to eat green bean “casserole” because you glopped it on my plate, think again. I eat turkey and the sides of my choosing. And no, Gladys, I will not be choking down creamed onions to please you.

If you think there’s no difference between a formal dinner party meal and a full holiday feast, you’re a moron, and clearly no “chef.”

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not serve people. It’s rude and wasteful.

I agree 100%. Not everyone likes everything; people have diets they want to follow; people have restrictions and even allergies that they don't wish to discuss or defend. Never never ever ever put a plate of food in front of a grown adult unless they specifically ask you to or agree to that when you offer.

This is so interesting to me. I am a chef and plating the meal a certain way is part of the experience. In our home, our Thanksgiving guests are our families and we are well aware of any food allergies. Since I’m asked to host every year, I guess nobody thinks I am rude (shrug). You, on the other hand, both sound like very rude dinner party guests.

99% of people here are not dining with chefs on thanksgiving. We are sitting with our family and in-laws. You are the exception not the rule. We didn’t order a plate, so we shouldn’t be served like a child. Not to mention over and under serving.

Wow. Way to be rude to someone offering their perspective. Sounds like you need to take a chill pill PP...and apologize. Not the chef. (DP)

Uhh Chef called people rude first. PP was correct.

Actually, I didn’t call anyone rude first. I was called rude by a poster and the next person down agreed. If you want to be technical about it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not serve people. It’s rude and wasteful.

I agree 100%. Not everyone likes everything; people have diets they want to follow; people have restrictions and even allergies that they don't wish to discuss or defend. Never never ever ever put a plate of food in front of a grown adult unless they specifically ask you to or agree to that when you offer.

This is so interesting to me. I am a chef and plating the meal a certain way is part of the experience. In our home, our Thanksgiving guests are our families and we are well aware of any food allergies. Since I’m asked to host every year, I guess nobody thinks I am rude (shrug). You, on the other hand, both sound like very rude dinner party guests.

Hello, duh, restaurants are different than someone’s home. A chef is not insulted if you don’t eat Aunt Edna’s creamed spinach. When you order, you can request a substitution or talk through allergies. You can give a sever or chef literally an order, as you are the paying customer. It’s different for a GUEST.

A "guest" should graciously accept what he or she is given. Did you grow up under a rock?

This is why I don’t let my MIL serve my kids food. My daughter doesn’t need to have some of everything, or sit there until she finishes. Such an archaic practice.

Nobody has said anything about a plate-clearing requirement. This entire part of this thread was in response to a poster calling me rude for plating food for my guests at my home at Thanksgiving dinner.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not serve people. It’s rude and wasteful.

I agree 100%. Not everyone likes everything; people have diets they want to follow; people have restrictions and even allergies that they don't wish to discuss or defend. Never never ever ever put a plate of food in front of a grown adult unless they specifically ask you to or agree to that when you offer.

This is so interesting to me. I am a chef and plating the meal a certain way is part of the experience. In our home, our Thanksgiving guests are our families and we are well aware of any food allergies. Since I’m asked to host every year, I guess nobody thinks I am rude (shrug). You, on the other hand, both sound like very rude dinner party guests.

99% of people here are not dining with chefs on thanksgiving. We are sitting with our family and in-laws. You are the exception not the rule. We didn’t order a plate, so we shouldn’t be served like a child. Not to mention over and under serving.

I still would never think it was rude if I was a guest in someone’s home and they put a plate of food in front of me.

Would you think the guest was rude if they only ate half the plate? Didn’t care for your green bean casserole and lumpy potatoes?

No, and there’s no requirement to clear your plate at my home whether I serve you, or whether you serve yourself if it’s a buffet. I would hope there wouldn’t be a need to verbalize the dislike of any dish, though!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Please do not serve people. It’s rude and wasteful.

I agree 100%. Not everyone likes everything; people have diets they want to follow; people have restrictions and even allergies that they don't wish to discuss or defend. Never never ever ever put a plate of food in front of a grown adult unless they specifically ask you to or agree to that when you offer.

This is so interesting to me. I am a chef and plating the meal a certain way is part of the experience. In our home, our Thanksgiving guests are our families and we are well aware of any food allergies. Since I’m asked to host every year, I guess nobody thinks I am rude (shrug). You, on the other hand, both sound like very rude dinner party guests.

Hello, duh, restaurants are different than someone’s home. A chef is not insulted if you don’t eat Aunt Edna’s creamed spinach. When you order, you can request a substitution or talk through allergies. You can give a sever or chef literally an order, as you are the paying customer. It’s different for a GUEST.

A "guest" should graciously accept what he or she is given. Did you grow up under a rock?

This is why I don’t let my MIL serve my kids food. My daughter doesn’t need to have some of everything, or sit there until she finishes. Such an archaic practice.