^^^ Oh, and to answer your question, I get 8 hours of sleep every night now.

OP, I used to get up at 4:15 am, work out, shower and get ready, and then leave my house at 5:45 to be in my office by 6:30 am. I'd leave at 5 pm, white-knuckle it through traffic for an hour to get home by 6 pm, see my twins for an hour before they went to bed, do stuff around the house, try to relax, pass out, and do it all over again. I did that for two years and it broke me. My husband was very hands on and we had a full-time nanny and a full-time housekeeper who also did shopping and meal prep, but nothing could buy me more time with my kids.

My husband finally said something had to give because he couldn't see me being so miserable and stressed and tired all the time. I quit my job, took one for considerably less pay, he negotiated to be able to WFH with his job, and we left DC. My commute shortened considerably, my hours at my new job were still 40-50 hours per week but more flexible, and I finally got to see my kids mornings AND evenings during the week. I can't tell you how happy I am. Sure, I still get stressed and tired, but I love my life so much more. And trust me, now that my kids are in 1st grade, they need me way more than they did when they were younger.

OP what are your truly most productive hours? The hours you’re buzzing it, crushing it, in your best mojo at work? And when do you start to hit a wall?

I am a morning bird. What takes me 45 mins before 8am might take me 2.5h after 8pm. So at the end of my work day I when I start slowing down, hitting that point of diminishing marginal returns, I walk away and save it for the morning, then the next morning I crush it. When I leave to come home for dinner unless it’s an emergency (or when im on call? I don’t do work after dinner. I’ve come to savor my morning alone time and I have successfully worked in exercise and I feel great about that.

I also obsess about how I spend my time. I think about time the way some people obsess about accumulating wealth and I think of time as the most important currency. If you’re working long hours like that I’m guessing big law so you prob have ample opportunity to accumulate $, but the real power comes with saying no, exerting autonomy, and accumulating time to spend accordingly.

Im w physician myself and boundaries sometimes are hard, I get it, but I suggest you be more respectful of your circadian rhythms, think more of time as a commodity that you deserve, say no to most things people ask you to do, and demand some changes to your job bc otherwise you’re on the fast track to burnout. Recognize we have the upper hand right now during this Great Resignation and employers are more likely now to cave to your demands but you gotta ask for it. Also get a health coach!!

Shift some of your nighttime activities (work and admin stuff) to weekends. You should be able to get a couple hours in while your child is napping. Or ask your DH to take him on a solo outing Sunday mornings and then you can all be together the rest of the weekend.

Don’t have a second child while you’re in this situation.

Anonymous wrote:I think you have to really look at your job situation. Are these hours “forever” or is this something you do for 1-2 years and you get promoted to where you can delegate more. Frankly, I’m confused why your husband didn’t deal with the fridge. And I have no idea why you spent an hour researching the problem before calling someone to figure it out.

And just stop doing all this nighttime stuff. It likely won’t be the end of the world.

I would pick at least 2-3 nights a week that I go to bed early to catch up some. Don’t do house or work those nights unless it’s an actual emergency. I can get by on 6.5 hours of sleep if I have some 8 hour nights mixed in. Try hard to prioritize and also try to get out the door faster. I would if anything try to get more time with the baby if you possibly can but agree with other PP that kids are going to need more time from a parent as they get older- maybe start thinking now about if you and your partner are both happy about any additional parent time coming from him…

I think sleeping 11pm - 6am is pretty normal and should be enough sleep. There's not much more you can do or give to get additional sleep with young kids. Sorry. Drink more coffee.

I usually fall asleep a bit earlier like 10:30, sometimes 10:00, but wake up around 6:00 with the kids and out the door or at the home office computer by 7:30. I think this is pretty normal. I'm not feeling very sympathetic for your situation.

I think you have to really look at your job situation. Are these hours “forever” or is this something you do for 1-2 years and you get promoted to where you can delegate more. Frankly, I’m confused why your husband didn’t deal with the fridge. And I have no idea why you spent an hour researching the problem before calling someone to figure it out.

And just stop doing all this nighttime stuff. It likely won’t be the end of the world.

Yea your job sucks. The only answer here is to find a new one.

You need a different job. And I would tell a man the same thing. My husband is a physician and I would hate his life. Work, work, work, and more work. Zero hobbies. And that's with me doing all the house stuff while also working full time.