Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:40
Subject: Re:Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:I'd have to give him sh for giving me a migraine while taking care of sick toddlers and working. ugh! I'm sorry OP. Hope your day gets better.
My day will get better because every hour is closer to when he leaves for this trip.
Are you going to do anything other than complain? Counseling or leave him? Or are you just going to keep putting up with it for whatever warped reason you've worked out
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:38
Subject: Re:Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He is still going:
"I have calls all afternoon, so it's really frustrating that this morning got shot down and we weren't able to spend time together. I'll try harder to stop and think before I make another casual off hand comment that ruins the day."
I totally get that this is super annoying, but I think you are looking for trouble at this point. This last comment seems fine to me. “I’m bummed I said something stupid and we didn’t get to have a nice time before we left. I will try not to say dumb stuff in the future” seems like a way to try to wrap this up and move on.
I was looking for a genuine apology, and I feel what I got was a half assed pretend apology that is actually him taking every opportunity to blame me for being overly sensitive, reactionary, unreasonable etc. IE: The reason we didnt spend the day together i is MY fault due to the way in which I reacted.
I think he keeps trying to turn everything on me.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:36
Subject: Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Each apology comes with more digs.
Op here. This!
Each sentence starts out with I'm sorry for x, now here are a list of reasons why I'm not sorry and why it's not about what I say, its about how you received it.
He's defensive (the first letter in DARVO) and making himself the victim here. If only you weren't so sensitive this wouldn't be a problem!
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:35
Subject: Re:Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Anonymous wrote:I'd have to give him sh for giving me a migraine while taking care of sick toddlers and working. ugh! I'm sorry OP. Hope your day gets better.
My day will get better because every hour is closer to when he leaves for this trip.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:34
Subject: Re:Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:He is still going:
"I have calls all afternoon, so it's really frustrating that this morning got shot down and we weren't able to spend time together. I'll try harder to stop and think before I make another casual off hand comment that ruins the day."
I totally get that this is super annoying, but I think you are looking for trouble at this point. This last comment seems fine to me. “I’m bummed I said something stupid and we didn’t get to have a nice time before we left. I will try not to say dumb stuff in the future” seems like a way to try to wrap this up and move on.
But he’s not saying this, bolded. I agree if he did, that would be good. He’s defending his comments as casual, implying that if OP is upset, she’s being overly sensitive!
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:31
Subject: Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
You're a doormat. This will continue to happen, you will continue to post and do nothing about it. See you next month.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:30
Subject: Re:Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
I'd have to give him sh for giving me a migraine while taking care of sick toddlers and working. ugh! I'm sorry OP. Hope your day gets better.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:28
Subject: Re:Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Anonymous wrote:He is still going:
"I have calls all afternoon, so it's really frustrating that this morning got shot down and we weren't able to spend time together. I'll try harder to stop and think before I make another casual off hand comment that ruins the day."
I totally get that this is super annoying, but I think you are looking for trouble at this point. This last comment seems fine to me. “I’m bummed I said something stupid and we didn’t get to have a nice time before we left. I will try not to say dumb stuff in the future” seems like a way to try to wrap this up and move on.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:25
Subject: Re:Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Anonymous wrote:OP here with update
After he blamed me for getting him sick, I basically said to him everything I wrote here- It's not my fault you are sick. How ridiculous to blame me, what are you doing about it to feel better etc.
I walked away from him obviously pissed off and I've been working in the spare bedroom since then. We haven't seen or spoken since this morning. He just texted me: "where did you go? sorry for saying you got me sick. i didnt expect you to get so sensitive and ignore me for the rest of the day. would have liked to spend a little time together before i leave for my work trip. oh well."
I do not know the exact psychological definition, but I feel like he is gaslighting me. Is it a stretch to call it emotional bullying or abuse?
I find this so outrageous... "i didnt expect YOU to get so sensitive and IGNORE me"
I want to say to him- funny, i didnt expect you to be so unreasonable and obnoxious. not only did you blame me for your being sick, but now you are also blaming me for being sensitive, ignoring you
I am so unhappy
Still blaming you.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:25
Subject: Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Continued annoyance and blame being fired at you.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:24
Subject: Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Interesting you're doing a play by play of your argument with your husband. How about growing up and replying to your husband? Say, "Don't worry about it. Have a safe trip. Let's talk when you get back".
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:23
Subject: Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
It is not just one comment at this point, but a series of them.
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:21
Subject: Re:Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Anonymous wrote:He is still going:
"I have calls all afternoon, so it's really frustrating that this morning got shot down and we weren't able to spend time together. I'll try harder to stop and think before I make another casual off hand comment that ruins the day."
I notice that in every text he takes the opportunity to color his earlier annoyance and grumpiness at you as some mere offhand, innocuous — whimsical, even — comment.
I haven’t seen such gaslighting since my exBF in college!
Anonymous
11/04/2021 14:16
Subject: Re:Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
He is still going:
"I have calls all afternoon, so it's really frustrating that this morning got shot down and we weren't able to spend time together. I'll try harder to stop and think before I make another casual off hand comment that ruins the day."
"I have calls all afternoon, so it's really frustrating that this morning got shot down and we weren't able to spend time together. I'll try harder to stop and think before I make another casual off hand comment that ruins the day."
Anonymous
11/04/2021 13:59
Subject: Completely sick of my husband.Blaming me that he has a cold.
Anonymous wrote:Each apology comes with more digs.
Op here. This!
Each sentence starts out with I'm sorry for x, now here are a list of reasons why I'm not sorry and why it's not about what I say, its about how you received it.